I myself in
the blissful radiance of
the sunflower field
contained within your soul.
It warms me like the eternal bond
between the sun
and the flower.

Sometimes I
think about all the
places I could have gone
but never did,
wondering what versions
of me I would have met
in all of these countless
possibilities.

Dear Diary;
this year already
tastes like last year
and I can see the
rot ahead.

heartbreak
after heartbreak-
can you make me
believe that love isn't
this vicious?

Yes, life does go on-
it's not the same as before,
but it does go on.

12:08 PM
10/4/21

Ah, nevermind,
anyway, wherever you are right now,
whatever you are doing,
I wish you all the best
this world can offer-
always and forever.
You deserve it.
And though our lives
don't always go as planned,
when it pulls you down and
drags you through Hell,
remember you have come so far.
You can get through it-
I’m sure you’re still the
strong person I remember.
And when you feel lost, sad,
hollow, lonely or exhausted,
understand that it’s okay
to feel them all.
You’re okay.
Everything is going to be okay.
Let it flow, let it go.
Good things are waiting for you
and let me remind that if you ever need
someone to talk to,
you'll know where to find me.
Don’t hesitate to call,
I’ll be here with open arms.
Just because we don't keep in touch,
does not mean I don't still adore you to the core.
But more importantly,
please don’t forget that you matter.
You are adored.

I do envy the ocean.
They call its darkest parts
mysterious,
not ugly.

So what is there left
for me to get excited
about anymore?

3:55 PM
26/11/20

I will always speak
of you kindly, but I won't
recall you that way.

12:06 AM
16/10/21

If this world makes you
sad then let me be the one
to make you happy

11:08 PM
28/4/22

Trust is confessing
you are smothered in oil
to the person holding
the match.

It is not death that
worries me, it's the moments
that come before it

5:05 PM
20/10/20

When the distance
begins to burn,
I call you 'the sea'.
Suddenly, you are here and
you wash away every flame
in my heart, my soul,
and my mind.

You are the one that
my heart, my pen and paper
always talk about

6:07 PM
1/10/20

I gave everything
to hold on to something I
never even had

9:31 PM
3/6/19

It’s mostly silence and sorrow
between us now.
We’re not lovers anymore,
but we will always have this
miracle between us,
the kind that only angels know
when the heavens glance
upon her celestial face.

Even when I
write about you,
the ink that smudges
upon my hand takes
the shape of you.

Never admit defeat
when there's still
time to
win.

I want to be in many places
and many times
all at once.
But I am here,
inside me,
inside this reality,
inside this fragment of history
that we cannot escape.

Her blue hair
played the blues
upon my heartstrings-
a song so beautiful
she entranced the moon above.
Together, we danced beneath the starry night
wondering when her song
could cure our blues.

Does my cat
still look over you
like I told him to all those years ago?
I made him promise to protect you,
as I wish I could from afar.
But time has a funny way
of changing our lives,
just look at how far we've come!
After all this time and he still follows you,
across the ocean, in winter and in darkness.
Every now and then he tells me of your flourishing
and I could not be any more proud.
One thing I know for certain that
has not changed is my promise to the cat.
To this day he still watches over you,
admires and adores you.
I think he always will.

I have been
waiting for the
December rain to
cleanse me once again
of the pain and grime
I have gathered
over the year.

I can't keeping living
like there's a nightmare behind
every last corner

3:57 PM
28/10/20

Everyone's in the search
for a love that doesn't exist,
without first knowing who they really are.
How are you supposed to know
what love you will find,
love you can give,
if you don't bother to know
the love you are?

You took
my soul
and ran

I was your someone
until you became someone
else's someone

look them in the eye,
and kiss them deeply
until all of their rage is gone.
swallow their pain and fury whole,
become the storm yourself,
learn to survive yourself

Even before
the beginning,
I knew that I would love you
long after
the end.

Sleep's not the cure
but it sure as hell helps to
ease some of this pain

6:53 PM
18/2/20

Dear diary;
on one hand,
I hate being so alone
and on the other,
I have never felt more alone
than I do among others.
What sort of cruel paradox is this?
Perhaps I cannot connect
to anyone, let alone,
myself.

How do I get back
all of this love that I gave
to the wrong people?

7:18 AM
22/7/22

God I hope she does
not end up like you when she
is older, amen

3:07 AM
18/9/22

Some days are harder than others.
This separation cuts deep and all I can do
is hope that I will see you soon.
Come back into my arms,
anchor this heart so that I
will not fade from yours.

It was in the
heart of winter where
I found, within me,
a radiant sun.

I can't decide if
I want to fall asleep or
gently pass away

11:16 PM
16/8/20

Yes,
I miss you,
but sometimes I
miss myself
too.

I want to gather all of our love
and plant it into our Earth.
I want to watch what grows
and nurture it with my life.
Only the sweetest flowers will bloom-
they will grow so high that even
the skies will sing their praise.
Let us never stop expanding
this vast garden of love.

You are never far,
just a photograph away.
The nights are never cold,
as I envision your smile.
I'm never really alone,
as I recall the memories.

Amber and blue
intertwine and recombine,
resulting in a grisly clash
of colours and chaos.
Every year it's the same old battle:
the bitter blues of winter,
the alluring ambers of spring,
each a spectrum
not to be reckoned with.
But as the final days of winter conclude,
amber waits upon the other side.
I'm running the final stretch now-
yes, I do believe such beauty
is now within my grasp.
Amber and blue,
the battle draws to a close
and I do believe
that amber
will prevail.

Another year
is here,
another promise
of change.
But my only wish
is for our love
to stay
the same.

Hang onto your hope-
a sunflower in this gloomy world.
Remember the brightness
of past times.
Have a little faith,
that this too shall pass
as we plant the seeds
of more hope.

Death to these feelings-
and death to this night, for it
doesn't seem to end

7:39 PM
23/8/19

To live a good life,
to stay fulfilled and alive
is to keep you in this heart
at all times.

Life is a
series of moments
I have to pretend to
feel what I don't feel
in that moment.

I guess I should have known better
than to let you in again, right?
I guess not.
No matter how many times
you leave a hole in my chest
leaving me to pick up the pieces
I always find my heart crawling back
to you to give you another chance
that you don’t deserve.
My heart, the fool, thinks that maybe
this time you’ve changed for the better.
Maybe this time, you really mean it.
Maybe this time, you will not repeat.
*******.

I am torn between
wanted to disappear and
wanting to be seen

10:20 PM
3/1/20

There are some people
in my past who aren't welcome
in my present life

1:21 AM
27/5/23

If only I
didn't have to
fade from your view.
I could be a continuous memory
with no end in sight.
It would be a dream that
never had to end.

I still think of you.
My heart still aches for you
as it waits to be with you again.
Until then, I must keep you in my thoughts
and in my heart with all my love.

You may not
know this,
but your tears water my heart.
And from your tears,
love blooms
in this garden
of our tomorrow.