I wonder if the lavender
yearn for her scent
whenever she's not present.

I wonder if the sunflowers
crave her little light
like the sun every night.

I wonder if the roses
envy her beauty
that captivated me.

stop carrying the
baggage of the past to an
unwritten future

6:31 PM
8/10/20

I don't hate you,
I hate what you did.
I hate the person you turned into
because I know that's not you.
I can forgive the person-
always the person,
but the actions
I can't forget.

We sat there in silence,
side by side,
hand in hand,
letting the crimson sunset
pour out its last waves of light.
Let it cleanse us of our
misery and hardship.
Tonight is about us, dear,
nothing else is real-
let time stand still.

I wish there was
another ending to
our story because
this isn’t one I ever wanted to read.
We are both to blame for  
this final chapter and
I am sorry it had
to end this way.

Dear diary;
and dear heart;
you broke your promise
when you beat for her
again.

I am calm and swell
but also a storm that
will never burn out

8:07 PM
1/10/20

You are the one that
my heart, my pen and paper
always talk about

6:07 PM
1/10/20

I don't know
what happened to Andri.
She was too good for this world-
few are.
I hope she is doing well,
wherever life took her
and I hope that she found the
anarcho-communist commune
she had always
desired.

I'm having
conversations
inside my head.
Whoever lives in there
hates me too.

We try so hard to
be perfect even though it
crushes us inside

4:02 PM
23/9/20

If I am a song,
you are the rhythm to my melody.
As for the lyrics,
they are written in a language
that only you could understand.

Happy?
No, not quite.
These days,
I'd say I'm more content.
Yeah,
content,
I like the sound of that.

Memories are traps-
look to the future and start
all over again

2:31 AM
20/9/20

We eat our shadows
so that nothing else can hurt
us ever again

12:17 PM
19/9/20

No one ever told
me that I was the villain
of my own story

7:42 AM
18/9/20

I'm still reading
the book she gave me
for Christmas.
Bukowski-
it's as good as you'd expect.
So why is it taking me
this long to finish?

Where is my peace
after burning your name
and all the memories it held?
Where is my peace
after drowning the love
that still remained?
After all that's said and done,
where is my peace of mind?
Where is my peace?

Remember all the
good times you had and all the
things you hoped to be?

11:16 PM
14/9/20

Hold my beating heart,
it's the only piece of me
I still live without

3:59 PM
12/9/20

Angry?
No,
just disappointed.
Are we good?
No,
but I wish we could have
figured things out.
I thought we were better than this.

our roots were tangled
beneath the soil but our
petals never grew

8:08 PM
11/9/20

Every smile,
every touch
and every word
we ever shared were
poems unto themselves.

Shakira on the radio,
a gin and tonic or maybe four.
The night is young, baby,
and we aren't
getting any older.

You deserve to win
the Nobel Peace Prize
for bringing peace to this heart.
It has known nothing
but war and disarray
for far too long.
Thank you.

I don’t owe
anyone my respect.
respect must be earned,
not assumed.
Don't trust anyone who says
that they respect you-
I need to see that
in action.

You’re all I have left
it’s the worst kind of theft
to lose a portion of your soul

I search and I search
from Pluto to church
Without you I’ll never feel whole

You are
no longer here,
but just knowing that
we share the same sky
is good enough
because those shooting stars
carry the wishes from
me to you.

Today
I will pretend
it's any other day.
Today
I will try not
to cry out your name.
Today
I will try to not
to let it hurt so bad.
Today
was never meant
to be so sad.

Yes,
I miss you,
but sometimes I
miss myself
too.

i never meant
for you to hate me,
I wanted the opposite,
in fact.
I suppose it is better this way,
for me,
at least.

I wish that
he could see
that she is tired
of fighting the tide.

I wish that
he could see
that she is barely
afloat anymore.

I wish that
he had saved
her from drowning
but he left her out at sea.

I wish that
his heart wasn't
shallow so that she
could have dived
into his
heart.

How am I meant to
dive into your heart when the
water is shallow?

10:38 PM
1/9/20

I still hope
that we fall asleep
on Io
tonight.

I sabotaged
my ability to love
with my inability to love.
It's as simple
as that.

Spending Friday night
staring into the icy
heart of the bottle

6:37 PM
29/8/20

The word 'love' sounds more
desirable when it is
spoken from your mouth

4:10 PM
27/8/20

It's been a while
since I felt this good but how
long will it last for?

4:22 PM
25/8/20

Has it been
that long already?
Such a distant memory,
it almost feels like a dream-
a dream I never wanted to wake from.
I still miss you
more and more every day.
Take me to sleep,
I want to dream
again.

If you truly want
what's best for your heart,
then loving me is not the path
you should venture down.
I am but a dead end
waiting for you at
the end of
the road.

These thoughts become dreams
and then these dreams will become
a reality

3:44 AM
23/8/20

I saw the
spring sun
in your eyes.
The way the yellow light
danced off those beautiful orbs,
like bumblebees on dandelions.
These moments of gold
may one day fall
into autumn's grasp
but the sweet taste it leaves
in my mouth will never dim.
Sweet as honey,
sweet as amber.

Last night you came to me
in a dream-
a teenager!
Oh, how elegantly
you had grown,
my beautiful baby girl.
The way you lit up that station,
the way I held you in my arms
once again,
it was the best dream
I ever had.

You stayed long enough
to make believe that you
wouldn't ever leave

3:41 PM
22/8/20

Amber and blue
intertwine and recombine,
resulting in a grisly clash
of colours and chaos.
Every year it's the same old battle:
the bitter blues of winter,
the alluring ambers of spring,
each a spectrum
not to be reckoned with.
But as the final days of winter conclude,
amber waits upon the other side.
I'm running the final stretch now-
yes, I do believe such beauty
is now within my grasp.
Amber and blue,
the battle draws to a close
and I do believe
that amber
will prevail.

There ain't nothing like them,
is there?
A gentle reminder that
I have survived
the cold and gloom
for one more
year.

Sunflowers bloom
then sunflowers kiss.
Ah yes,
it's spring
That I've missed.

Death has plagued my dreams
for quite some time now to the
point of fearing sleep

4:08 AM
21/8/20

Death has made
one too many
appearances  
in my dreams.
I forgot how long it's been
since he first woke me up or
how long it's been since
I feared my own
dreams.

I guess our dream
of owning a dalmatian
doesn't matter
anymore.