The night has a way
of stirring the mind and memory.
Silence and shadow dance
to the rhythm of nostalgia
and everyone who held and broke this heart
flash before my my eyes.
Which of them will I take as my muse tonight
as I put pen to paper?
Shall it be the one who hurt me,
the one I loved or the one I thought
I forgot about so very long ago.

You plant memories
into this mind and they bloom
flowers from this heart

8:44 PM
11/8/22

Maybe most relationships fail
because they start as lust.
Maybe the best way to begin is
with appreciation
and friendship.

To move on
is not to find someone new-
to move on
is to have no one
but still love
yourself.

I want to gather all of our love
and plant it into our Earth.
I want to watch what grows
and nurture it with my life.
Only the sweetest flowers will bloom-
they will grow so high that even
the skies will sing their praise.
Let us never stop expanding
this vast garden of love.

In the end,
I had no choice but
to cut the last thread
that sewed us
together.

The page is a mirror
and each word reflects who we are.
These sentences are reflections
of our souls and
it can be euphoric
as it can be painful.

You're a sunflower
and I long to get lost in
your beautiful scent

6:33 PM
5/8/22

I thought I
was tired but
it turns out I just
wanted to dream
about you
again.

We are merely
ordinary beings
curated for the world to see.
Such glimpses into
another's life weaves fantasies
that simply aren't reality.

We spent four years
wounding each other?
Is that love?
Some people would call us mad,
but that's what I just call
life.

I think forgetting
will always be easier
than remembering

9:50 AM
31/7/22

Oh Chai,
you cleanse this soul.
Your warmth rushes through this body
on the way to this frozen heart.
So sweet you are,
I need you every night.
Oh Chai,
it's you that makes me feel alright.

It's late at night,
I don't know what to write.
There's a hint of chai in the air
to chase away the despair.
With Chai as warm as can be,
how could I not feel glee?
I pick up the pen and close my eyes-
it's just me, my Chai
and the night skies.

We fall
for the ones
who ignore us and
we ignore
the ones
who fall for us.
Such is the irony of life.

I couldn't see it,
love had blurred my vision
but the warning signs were
as clear as day.
Then you let me go,
and suddenly,
I could see again but
it was too late.

The discards of a
book wrote together but
never chose to read

4:03 PM
26/7/22

Dear diary;
Once again,
I am shutting myself away
to give myself a chance to heal.
I find nothing but pain and sorrow
outside these walls that
have served me well
too many times
before.

Is 'hollow' an emotion?
It is thought of as feeling nothing,
but isn't that enough to warrant an emotion?
Maybe we need a better word for
what this feeling of hollowness really is-
is it not something we can feel
deep within our gut?
Is there such thing as an
emotionless state of being or
is the only way to achieve that
in death?

Stop offering your
apologies to the knife
wedged deep in your back

10:43 AM
23/7/22

How do I get back
all of this love that I gave
to the wrong people?

7:18 AM
22/7/22

Maybe one day
I will shed the doubt
that you sowed in me
that day you turned away.

Once again,
anxiety blooms
in this mind like
black roses.

The more you
understand someone,
the harder it is
to hate them.

My own mind must be
the biggest thief that I have
ever known

Let spell your name
in the fields and let it
blossom into sunflowers.
Let each stem, each petal
and each root feed on
these warm rays of love.

What was once a mighty continent.
Like the land we shared,
this heart was torn in half.
Now we are but two islands
drifting further away
upon the solitary sea.

Bound
by words
I cannot speak.
Caged
by thoughts
that leave me weak.

All this thinking,
and for what?
Nothing.

Is it really so
hard to believe that I do
deserve happiness?

11:20 PM
20/7/22

Two souls sprouting
like two sunflowers
beneath the sentimental sun.
There are no shadows,
just light and love
and you and I.

I lost count
of how many times
you said "forever".
How many promises
of forever have I heard?
I think I have lost count.
Promises break faster than a
glass heart and I'm tired of
picking up the pieces.

From the beginning,
I knew our time was limited
but that did not stop me from choosing you.
Perhaps I thought and hoped that
the more times we said 'I love you',
the greater the chance that
we would make it.

Though I now may be damaged,
I could never hurt anyone
the way you hurt me.

I don't want to
be your next station,
I want to be your
destination.

If you make a heart
your home then surely you too
will end up homeless

8:10 PM
18/7/22

I truly believe
we would have been happy if
you gave us a chance

3:53 PM
17/7/22

Things don't really end-
they just transform or morph for
better or for worse

11:16 AM
17/7/22

Such irony it is
when I feel lonelier
in your presence
than I do
alone.

You don't have to do
much to make my life smile-
I'll never forget

11:20 AM
2/7/22

Just because I still
dream about you, that does not
mean I want you here

11:13 AM
2/7/22

I am hollow
but full of demons
and nothing more.
I hear their shrieks echo
through this soul and sometimes
it is more than I can take.
Some days are better than others-
some days they do not take the air
out of my lungs and leave me
choking for my sanity.
There is nothing else in me,
not anymore,
just demons and more demons
that swallow me whole.

I want to be in many places
and many times
all at once.
But I am here,
inside me,
inside this reality,
inside this fragment of history
that we cannot escape.

Dear diary;
I think I am starting
to believe in love again.
Each crush feels like the first time
and each kiss melts this heart-
the same stone heart I thought
would never crack again.
Indeed, I think I am ready
for love to destroy me
again.

I wish I had the
ability to touch you
just how you touched me

4:02 PM
30/6/22

I either feel too
much or I don't feel at all-
there is no between

11:58 PM
28/6/22

Dear diary;
I hate to admit that
I am still dependent on
feelings I promised myself I
would no longer feel and
now I punish myself
for it.

Doing what others
do for acceptance is a
form of suicide

4:10 PM
27/6/22

Patience is one of
the softest forms of love that
someone can practice

10:22 AM
26/6/22

Be careful with me,
I tend to believe anything and everything
from those who seem to care.
And at the same time,
I doubt almost every word.
Is this a paradox? Yes.
Is this self-defense or have
my demons convinced me otherwise?
It's both.