I hate beginnings. I hate the awkward sweaty hand shake you do as you say hi, the stumble of your nervous words as you try to laugh it off. I hate the uncomfortable energy when you can't tell if they know you're joking or not. I hate the anxiety I feel as my chest compressed into a narrow passage way so small only a thread could fit through, and the way a cold nervous sweat engulfs my body. The way a fog creeps into my head so everything appears blurry as I spin on my heels, dizzy and lightheaded.
But I hate goodbyes even more. I hate the choking feeling in my throat when I fight back the painful tears, I hate the last hug which leaves you with an absent ghost haunting you, I hate the feeling that this is forever, the feeling that leaves you hallow and broken.
Introductions may be awkward and laughable, but goodbyes are painful, permanent, final. All things we dread the most.

To my darling, for who I lust, this ballad is for you, as I award you all my trust: I lust for the upward furrow of your lips, turning into that goofy laugh that warms my body as your hand grabs my hand to a grip,
I thirst for your calm and cool natural humor, for you act as solar and I am lunar, I long for you pacific to glint, if you didn't vision (I worship you), my darling, catch a hint.

You could of had anyone yet you choose to have no one and that my dear, is the most poetic thing. You see the simplicity and the comfort of solidarity, the gracefulness and confidence. you choose to see the beauty of the world instead of the world seeing the beauty of you. You chose adventure over heart break, and friends over lovers. And that is poetic.

I travel and search yet I cannot find
The one piece of myself I believe I left it behind
Is it my dignity?
My grace?
My smile?
No says I, it's the heart that was broken by the one that you loved
It was the missing piece in which you shoved
Away and away through ***** and beer
Until you were somewhere and not here anymore