And I am holding hands with my depression while it screams into a microphone
It's used to being center stage
The center of attention
Poking, proding
I'll kiss my love on the lips and it'll tug at my shirt whispering
"I'm still here"
It'll grab at me on car rides
Pinch my walking down the street
Make my nose bleed in bookstores
Break my fingers in urban outfitters
"I'm still here"
"I'm still here!"
"I'M STILL HERE!!"
Slowly getting louder as I try to push it down
Sometimes I muffle it
Quiet it
But I can never completely silence it
My hand slips
And a battle cry is released into the night
the duct tape wasn't tight enough
Or maybe my grip
I guess I stopped kicking it eventually
Stopped fighting it
Stop tying it
It was
The thing I kept in my basement but instead of me trying to make it stay and it trying to escape
it fought me to be cemented in my mind
taking all my resources starving me emotionally
Maybe sometimes physically
I accepted that it was a part of me
I let sing to me
Occasionally
After all
We're both in the basement
And we're
bored
It would sing things
Hopeless,
Frantic,
Scary things
They don't like you
There isn't a point in breathing it's mundane, it's uninteresting
You have hurt so many people and been hurt by so many people you're beginning to forget where the line is
And which side you're on
If she knew you now
She'd be disappointed
But she's dead
She died before you tried to let her learn who you grew into
They'll all die
You'll die
We are all just putting off the inevitable
Isolate yourself
You know you're happier alone
You know he doesnt really love you
So stop answering the phone
One night
My depression took out a knife
And slit her thighs
I was asleep but she bled on me all night
And in my dreams
I knew the warmth was from tragedy
Though I never bled with her
I let her keep me red
Keep me angry
"You'll never have a dad!" she yells.
"You'll never go away"
I frown at the shriveled little body of memories and chemical imbalances and tubes and guts and hearts and other dismembered parts
And I think
I've known you for so long
But i've never really looked at you
I am surprised
How different
How separate
We are
You grab me
Poke me
Yell at me
Hold me
Hurt me
But you
Are not
Attached to
Me.
This poem could've gone so many different ways, but this is how it ended up.