Being a girl *****! :(
I'm one big ball of emotion
Being tossed back and forth
On the waves of this female ocean

Just when I say I'm doing okay
Another tsunami comes along
Washing away the sanity I saved
Swept out to sea, it's gone

Being a girl *****! :(
All the makeup that we wear
Who are we trying to impress anyways
And do those jerks out there really care

All they do is treat me like a piece of meat
With desert on the side
Would you like some tears with that
It doesn't take much these days to make me cry

Being a girl *****! :(
With some of the things we have to wear
This over the shoulder boulder holder
Wasn't built for comfort that's for sure

And is it already that time of month again
I've about had it with these cramps
If I hear another man explain my mood to me
I swear I'm going to reach up and pull his tongue out through his...

Being a girl *****! :(**
But one thing that I can say
It sure as heck beats being a guy
Where stupidity always gets in the way

Being a girl *****! :(
I'm one big ball of emotion
Being tossed back and forth
On the waves of this female ocean

Just when I say I'm doing okay
Another tsunami comes along
Washing away the sanity I saved
Swept out to sea, it's gone

Being a girl *****! :(
All the makeup that we wear
Who are we trying to impress anyways
And do those jerks out there really care

All they do is treat me like a piece of meat
With desert on the side
Would you like some tears with that
It doesn't take much these days to make me cry

Being a girl *****! :(
With some of the things we have to wear
This over the shoulder boulder holder
Wasn't built for comfort that's for sure

And is it already that time of month again
I've about had it with these cramps
If I hear another man explain my mood to me
I swear I'm going to reach up and pull his tongue out through his...

Being a girl *****! :(
But one thing that I can say
It sure as heck beats being a man
Where stupidity always gets in the way

Being a girl *****! :(
I'm one big ball of emotion
Being tossed back and forth
On the waves of this female ocean

Just when I say I'm doing okay
Another tsunami comes along
Washing away the sanity I saved
Swept out to sea, it's gone

Being a girl *****! :(
All the makeup that we wear
Who are we trying to impress anyways
And do those jerks out there really care

All they do is treat me like a piece of meat
With desert on the side
Would you like some tears with that
It doesn't take much these days to make me cry

Being a girl *****! :(
With some of the things we have to wear
This over the shoulder boulder holder
Wasn't built for comfort that's for sure

And is it already that time of month again
I've about had it with these cramps
If I hear another man explain my mood to me
I swear I'm going to reach up and pull his tongue out through his...

Being a girl *****! :(
But one thing that I can say
It sure as heck beats being a guy
Where stupidity always gets in the way

I believe in the ever after
I believe in the here and now
I believe that you and I
Will make it through somehow

I believe what I do
And what I do not see
But mostly what I believe
Is what I believe

I believe there is good
In the heart of man
But I believe in an instant
We can let the evil in

I believe if we aren't careful
All this will come undone
And if we don't let love dry long enough
It will begin to run

I believe there's an answer
If you look hard enough
Which one you come up with
Is a matter of the heart

I believe if yours is beating
To the rhythm that love makes
There's not a thing that you won't do
To give that love away

I believe in the power
That a hug can hold
And I believe you can achieve anything
If negativity is let go

I believe there's a ring
That holds a special key
And once you open that door up
Then you too will believe

You can't always count on
The things that you see
The tone of the whisper
What you've come to believe

They'll have you running circles
In the middle of laps
With the soul purpose
Of keeping you where you are at

Could it be slight of hand
Or truth less in demand
Telling you what they want to
Whether you can or you can't

Are all of the answers
Made up on the spot
Giving sideways glances
Amongst bobble head nods

Look over there, not here
Being their specialty
You can't always count on
What they want you to believe

The person I am
And the person I've been
Doesn't always reflect
The person within
If you only look
On the outside
Because the outside
Can sometimes tell lies

The person within
Should be the person without
So the people around
Will have no doubt
Of who you are
And what you stand for
The in and the out
Of a mans worth

You need to dig deep
To truly see
The ripeness of fruit
That's hidden beneath
To tell the truth
You never can cheat
On that simple fact
Believe you me

I'm no Pinocchio
Or Jonah don't you know
Stuck in the belly of this whale

How I ended up in here
Has never been made clear
Though it's clear I am by myself

Was I walking along the shore
Or a man overboard
No matter how I ended in the drink

The very next thing I know
I'm swallowed alive whole
Now this fish's belly is my brink

With its bones as prison bars
There's no doubt just where you are
No way out of this rib cage

How can a man find comfort here
Year after year after washed out year
All I do each day is plan my escape

I keep the plan inside my mind
With nothing here or where to write
Waiting for the opportunity

That this fish eats something wrong
Where a case of heartburn comes along
Setting this seasick sailor free

I whisper subliminal
Messages into his blowhole
Guiding him to the Mediterranean Sea

And to the tune of that tiny fish
The seas saltiest of salty dish
Pizza Pies friend the anchovy

While ******* tons of them in
Indigestion starts rolling in
Hanging Ten I surf the wave of burp

Landing on my two feet
To miles and miles of lovely beach
Of the Mediterraneans turf

And that my friend is where I still am
A life of tanning pasty skin
Paroled from my prison cell

Sure as how I now live
I'll never go back there again
That being the belly of the whale

There is really no need
To try and figure it out
If you just look around
At the beautiful South

From the Carolina shores
To the mountain tops of Tennessee
There's nothing sweeter on earth
Than a Southern Magnolia breeze

It may not be heaven
But it's the closest you'll find
South of the border
Below the Mason-Dixon line

From Georgia's gorgeous red clay
To Florida's beach of white sand
You can see everywhere
God stretched out his hand

Kentucky's smooth bluegrass
Alabama's rolling hills of green
From one state line to another
And all points in between

Though it ain't quite heaven
It's the closest you'll find
This side of paradise
Below the Mason-Dixon line

Never miss out on Mississippi
Or lose thought of Arkansas
There's more to Southern living
Than you ever thought  

From Louisiana's mysterious swamps
With it's cypress and moss
If you ain't been down South
Count it all as your loss

It's the closest to heaven
That you'll ever find
And I ain't just whistling Dixie
Below the Mason-Dixon line

We're six months past December
Smack dab into summertime
One thing I forgot to remember
Would you be my Valentine

Here's a big box of chocolates
With some flowers on the side
If'n you like the notion
With you as my Valentine

We could hold hands since it's summer
Walk along the oceans sand
I would not look at another
With you as my Valentine

Maybe next year I'll remember
To set my watch around February 9th
Instead of six months past December
To ask if you'll be my Valentine

I'll come to you on bended knee
Asking you to marry me
In my front pocket will be the ring
While from behind the choir will sing

Then to you I'll hold out my hand
Taking yours into it and
Slipping on your finger the golden band
Committing my love for you to always last

We'll find a cottage by the sea
Where our love will never leave
As it blooms into a family
Where all we'll have is all we'll need

As our love grows from young to old
We'll sit back to its stories told
With the fact there's still more to know
As our love continues to grow

And all because of this bended knee
When I asked you to marry me
Where my front pocket held the marriage ring
While from behind the choir did sing

My hope is one day
I see life the way
My friend Ben the Poet sees life

From the edge of extreme
To all points in between
Taking us and his mind for a ride

Whether in a bubbly boat
Carved out of hand soap
On the high seas of a tile laden floor

Or chasing butterflies
As they flip, flutter, and fly
Knocking at his noggins door

I am always amazed
More than mere words could convey
As his imagination takes us for a spin

Which direction it flows
Not even the mind of Ben knows
As the wind whispers, take hold of his hand

Towing insanity's line
Like that of Ben's Frankenstein
Fresh off the shelf, Abby Normal...don't you know it

Setting all his thoughts free
Every time his mind blinks
Little wonder that Ben is a Poet

Here I am beside myself
And find it rather strange
Similar in appearance
Nervous twitch, bogus name

Carrying the same baggage
AKA tasche briefcase
Emotional out of control
The state we’re in as of late

Walking on a thin line
Both without a clue
Of when and where we got here
What he and me seem to do

This out of body experience
Who is who it’s hard to tell
None of this makes much sense
When I’m beside myself

if i were to get old
and lose my train of thought
if i were to grow cold
with every single soul

if my blue eyes bleared
not knowing what they see
would you kindly hold my hand
while you sit beside of me
and show me sympathy

if i become argumentative
with all life throws my way
if i really meant it
but not in the way i say

if this dreaded day deeds
to play my life for keeps
would you kindly hold my hand
while you sit beside of me
and lovingly comfort me

if i continually see things
that are not really there
if i sit in silence
and at the walls i stare

if i am but a shell
of who i used to be
would you kindly hold my hand
while you sit beside of me
to have, to hold, to keep

People are amazed when I levitate
Inquiring minds would like to know
How they too can bust a move
Clear their throat and start to float

What happens is most of the action
Comes from my ears and eyebrows
My knees start a slapping when I get them to flapping
In the direction of North to South

With the crossing of several fingers
Along with both my eyes
No longer a need here to linger
As I lift up towards the sky

The motorboat sound that comes from my mouth
Really isn't necessary
It just adds some pizzazz to the moment at hand
And lends to the fact of the extraordinary  

What's a trip like this without showmanship
To leave the crowds flabbergasted
When flying around, here and there, there about
Who among you would have guessed that

The best way to levitate
Is in the flapping of ears and eyebrows
With fingers crossed plus eyes at all costs
If you ever did doubt what it's all about

You're bound to find out this is the best way
If you ever do try and levitate...

Be the hope, be the cure
Be the kindly spoken word
Be the one less to be heard
Be the one that listens more

Be the holder of the key
Be the one that lets it be
When advice is given free
Tread with that advice lightly

Be the yes in answering
Be the first in line to sing
Say and do all that you mean
Be a servant to the King

Be a comfort to the soul
A help to those who need it most
Praise them high while staying low
No one likes a know-it-all

Be the breath that's always fresh
Be the last one that is left
To those in need, a helping hand
Be the one that says you can

Be the light that's in the dark
Be the changing of the guard
Be the tiniest of sparks
Be exactly who you are

I found you out in cyber
In another space and time
I only looked because I often wonder
How you're getting along in life

From the tale of all your pictures
I can only guess at best
About the part that they don't say
While your smile says all the rest

As my mind wanders back to the time
Of all we had and all we did
A fool I'd be not to see
That you're better off with him

The years for me to say the least
In my drawn out history
Has me gaze on in amazement
How I've stood this long on my own two feet

I'll count the blessings for you
That you found somebody else
Because I've struggled all this time
With even taking care of myself

With your life's view in front of me
I'm forced to think what could have been
Bringing with it sweet relief
That you're better off with him

There's something going on
Between me & the poem
A reason to rhyme
A notion to float
Was it something I read
Something once wrote
That's spinning the time
Between me & the poem

As things continue to grow
Between me & the poem
Call it second sight
A perfect pitched tone
Where it has lead
Or where it's still going
I'm sure we will find
Between me & the poem

I'm holding out hope
Between me & the poem
That I'll find in time
What I already know
In all that's been said
Inside of the fold
With the shedding of light
Between me & the poem

I am birth and memory maker

               I am death and his undertaker

I am peace brought on in life

               I am war from pain and strife

I am love that comfort brings

               I am hate by any means

I am first before the last

               I am the die that has been cast

I am beauty in the morning dew

               I am ugly inside of you

I am shelter inside the storm

               I am the closet where turmoil is born

I am the sweet taste in the air

               I am the bitter that doesn't care

I am the battle from the start of time

               **Between the heart, Between the mind

Reading between the lines of this poem

You'll see that I'm a blank page

Heading  left to the right as you're going

You'll see I have nothing to say

With these words just being a filler

That I've learned to use over time

The real meaning to this poem that you hold here

Is between the lines...

If you're looking for lasting impression
Something to hit the mark
A ditty to keep the crowd guessing
Just who and where you are

A smidgen or two of enticement
Toss of surprise in the ***
A line right on time they can liken
To all of the haves and have nots

Move to and fro through the madness
Deal with the cards you are delt
Take all of what you are left with
And just be yourself

Growing up without much luck
On what I thought I deserved
Who it was that dealt my deck
Well, they had quite the nerve

I always envied others
And the fact of what I lacked
Thinking they were better off
With everything they had

Until I came to realize
Life is not all that it seems
If the outward appearance causes interference
Then all I need to be is me

Being younger doesn't make you dumber
You're just dazzled by bright lights
And the foolish pull they have on you
Is stronger in their might

You find that the older you get
The less you are impressed
With all the hooey and hubbub
Leaving little left

It's then you come to realize
Life is not what you pursue
If the outward appearance causes interference
Then all you need to be is you

Sunday go to meeting
I'm meeting with the Lord
Bring along my reading
That being the Holy word

Never do I forget it
No not even a tad
As I always have my Bible
Riding on the dash

Always play it safe
Leave it where it lays
Within easy reach
But only on Sundays

Seldom do I use it
Though I know where it's at
Out there in my cruising
With my Bible on the dash

This is purely speculation
But I've had no accidents
Could this be the reason
Or just coincidence

And if I ever did
Do I know where I'd end at
Frankly no idea
With my Bible only riding on the dash

Alright all you pigeon chests
Came the sound of thunder from the open door
As Big Bad Bart replaced the space
Giant mountain man of lore

Making his way into the bar
Sweeping Nancy boys out of his way
Stepping up to the the jukebox
Kicking it till some good ole country boy music played

This mountain man has made it his goal
To grab hold and unsissify
Any Wimpy Wally's
That happen to catch his manly eye

He started off his conquest
Out in the great North wood
First stop The Red Eye Back Door Saloon
Need I explain the name to you

He went in with his moral barrels a blazing
But there wasn't much he could do
Village people the only band on the jukebox
Y.M.C.A. being the only tune

He didn't let that little nitch stop him
Or slow him down by any means
Giving America back to the menly men
And not the mousey men with their girly dreams

Till the day that Bart locked eyes with Stanly
In that San Francisco flower bar
Those two haven't left each others side
Going through life now arm and arm

They spend their time skipping through fields of pansies
Giggling freely hand in hand
The way Bart now feels this was meant to be
Mia Mono, Man to Man

Bart's lumberjack buddies can't believe it
And don't know what to think of their friend
Although they all secretly admit
He does look good in those Hot Pink Hot Pants

Remember when you're here
To keep it to a whisper
Cause that girl over there
Has the biggest ears

If you get a gander
You'll know what I mean
Up, down, over, and under
She hears everything

Whatever are the secrets
Close as they've been kept
They are soon to be let loose
Cause her ears are big

For the best reception
They come in sets of two
When in your general direction
She points them both at you

Don't you say a word
Show no earthly fear
Whenever she comes near
Because she's got Big Ears

When they start a-flapping
Get out of the way
Which too often happens
When lips have their say

There is no other way
To make it any clearer
Just you take a look, you'll see
She has got Big Ears

i took my time
and spent my dime
now i find
i'm past my prime
what little change
i held onto
i spent it well
before i knew
with pockets now
turned inside out
i wonder what
that's all about
at the height
i spent my life
like there was no
end in sight

Did Billy really give out Wet *******
Like they said all of his life
When he was out cruising and found people snoozing
He'd always find time to sneak up behind

Licking his finger like he'd just had chicken dinner
Without the slightest of sound
Then ever so gently, placing it intently
Squishly into the ear canal

Was it the single action or multiple reaction
That always seemed to satisfy
From the loads of screaming, Billy would be reeling
Chuckling with pure delight

With a glistening finger in hand always lingering
Looking to wow the crowed
You knew a Wet Willie from the hand of Billy
Would soon be making the rounds

From a Sunday church pew he knew what to do
Or even a Friday bus ride
Perhaps the innocence of a lonely park bench
Singled out on the Upper East Side

At Billy's bequest, Wet ******* were best
When they came packaged up in a surprise
It could be said if you hadn't already guessed
That Billy found his purpose in life

It's the big day of the big yard sale
Where every thing must go
There was much to much to haul out to the front
So I opened up the home

There were gobs of people everywhere
Wandering around with arms packed full
I'm making money hand over fist
This idea was really cool

You see my neighbors came to me with their front door key
And asked if I'd watch Binkie their cat
While they spent a few days away, I said sure what the hey
So they showed me where everything Binkie was at

While they were gone Binkie got bored
He missed his masters who were out of town
I thought a yard sale would be just the thing, Binkie purred that'd be neat
And of course it brought Binkie's good mood back around

Now before you start thinking bad thoughts of me
And wonder how anyone could sell everything they had
I want you to know I had a slight twinge of guilt
Right before I sold Binkie the cat

It's the big day of the big yard sale
Where every thing must go
There was much to much to haul out to the front
So I opened up the home

There were gobs of people everywhere
Wandering around with arms packed full
I'm making money hand over fist
This idea was really cool

You see my neighbors came to me with their front door key
And asked if I'd watch Binkie their cat
While they spent a few days away, I said sure what the hey
So they showed me where everything Binkie was at

While they were gone Binkie got bored
He missed his masters who were out of town
I thought a yard sale would be just the thing, Binkie purred that'd be neat
And of course it brought Binkie's good mood back around

Now before you start thinking bad thoughts of me
And wonder how anyone could sell everything they had
I want you to know I had a slight twinge of guilt
Right before I sold Binkie the cat

It's the big day of the big yard sale
Where every thing must go
There was much to much to haul out to the front
So I opened up the home

There were gobs of people everywhere
Wandering around with arms packed full
I'm making money hand over fist
This idea was really cool

You see my neighbors came to me with their front door key
And asked if I'd watch Binkie their cat
While they spent a few days away, I said sure what the hey
So they showed me where everything Binkie was at

While they were gone Binkie got bored
He missed his masters who were out of town
I thought a yard sale would be just the thing, Binkie purred that'd be neat
And of course it brought Binkie's good mood back around

Now before you start thinking bad thoughts of me
And wonder how anyone could sell everything they had
I want you to know I had a slight twinge of guilt
Right before I sold Binkie the cat

this life can be
both bitter and sweet
all depends on
which side you lean
while there are some
who know to run free
when it comes to
bitter and sweet

i believe there's a need
for both bitter and sweet
if it wasn't for bitter
how sweet would sweet be
would we even know
which part to keep
if we were not shown
both bitter and sweet

some people are keen
on bitter not sweet
others prefer
the sweetness of sweet
take what they're given
in any given situation
bitter or sweet
both of their own making

Why continue to hold the hand
Of this ugly bitterness
Wouldn't it suit you better
If it were buried in the past

Then you would be free
To enjoy the life of peace
That can only come to someone
When bitterness is released

It's like acid in the heart
That burns the tinder parts
Forming you into something you
Really wish you weren't

Better to take the bitterness you have
And let go of its hand
Then use that hand to reach the ones
You need to make amends

We live in a world of color
Where people only see black and white
When it comes to the human condition
And in the judging of others lives

We think you should be just like me
But never venture into why
Others do things so differently
When they can't possibly be right

It's hard to see all the colors
That go against our beliefs
Set in stone the same dull tones
That keep from setting us free

We stay in the lines of black and white
As color swirls outside the box
Living our lives never questioning why
Stuck behind time, because

We live in a world of color
Where people only see black and white
Making it our mission
In the judging of others lives

Give me a movie
In old black and white
One that has Bogie
Bacall by his side

A leading lady
That always was sure
Black and white movies
Were our afternoon cure

Movies of mystery
That left you to guess
No computer enhancement
Where actors knew how to act

With a nickel soda
And ten cent popcorn
They no longer make movies
Like that anymore

Where Hollywood shimmered
On the hillside at night
We all had a glimmer
As we shared in the ride

Watching both Fred and Ginger
Sliding cross highly waxed floors
Bringing up to remember
The wanting of more

With no need for color
To sparkle and shine
Holding us all to the wonder
In black and white

We'd all rather be
Like Dorothy going home
They no longer make movies
Like that anymore

Blackbird oh Blackbird
Where is your proud song
I heard you sing in the sixties
Aren't you still downtrodden and all

Have you grown complacent
Did they clip your wings
I marched with your Fathers
They wouldn't hear of such a thing

Why was it they suffered
If not for the chance to be free
They had their eyes on the future
Is this what they wanted to see

The cage that contains you
The latch is on the inside
Blackbird in you is the power
To take freedoms ride

Blackbird oh Blackbird
Where is your proud song
If you'll sing it again
This time we'll all sing along

BLACK & BLUE
are the colors that
you turn to
like the others that
he once knew
when he met you
and let loose

where you find
he is not so
nice a guy
truth or dare
it's a lie
every time
he'll apologize

promising
he will not
do it again
till he raises his
angry hand
low on promise
high on demand

still, you stay
with no plans to
run away
but will you
survive the day
his fits of rage
who's to say

where he leaves you
with no clue
every time he
backhands you
will you even
make it through
the next round of
pity you
BLACK & BLUE

With the turkey out of the way
It's time to do some shop and save
Black Friday...here we go again

I am up at three o'clock
So I'll be at the door on the dot
Shopping like a mad whirlwind

Pulling up to Walmart
Grab myself a fresh shopping cart
For when the doors open up at five

Like a horse out of the gate
Your own fault for being in my way
Just count your blessings that your still alive

Beat the crowds straight to the back
For a little ****** and grab
Gotta have the newest wide screen T.V.

Blue hair had my T.V. in her cart
Took her out with a karate chop
Sorry granny it's either you or me

Next set my sights on this kid
With no clue of what he did
Or how he ended splayed out on the floor

In the remote car shopping isle
And it may take that kid awhile
To remember who, what, when, or what for

I next wildly veer off to the right
For that set of Ginsu knives
That I use to hold back the forming crowd

With it being the only set left
I Samurai it over my head
Which  quickly clears out the entire Ginsu isle

With my shopping about done
I sweep shelves into my cart on the run
Figure I can sort it all out later

At times it's hard to pick and choose
With the attitude of I hate to lose
Anyways I figure they owe me for all my labor

When I get to the front of the store
There's bookoo bunches of crowds galore
I've never seen such a long drawn out line

So I clear the path in front of me
Taking people off at the knees
They'll surely think twice the next time

Before getting in my way
And my day of shop and save
Already planning for next year my friend

Satisfied I head for the door
But I tell you not before
I turn and say Happy Holidays and Good Will Towards Men!

Cause that's just the way I am...

With the turkey out of the way
It's time to do some shop and save
Black Friday...here we go again

I am up at three o'clock
So I'll be at the door on the dot
Shopping like a mad whirlwind

Pulling up to Walmart
Grab myself a fresh shopping cart
For when the doors open up at five

Like a horse out of the gate
Your own fault for being in my way
Just count your blessings that your still alive

Beat the crowds straight to the back
For a little ****** and grab
Gotta have the newest wide screen T.V.

Blue hair had my T.V. in her cart
Took her out with a karate chop
Sorry granny it's either you or me

Next set my sights on this kid
With no clue of what he did
Or how he ended splayed out on the floor

In the remote car shopping isle
And it may take that kid awhile
To remember who, what, when, or what for

I next wildly veer off to the right
For that set of Ginsu knives
That I use to hold back the forming crowd

With it being the only set left
I Samurai it over my head
Which  quickly clears out the entire Ginsu isle

With my shopping about done
I sweep shelves into my cart on the run
Figure I can sort it all out later

At times it's hard to pick and choose
With the attitude of I hate to lose
Anyways I figure they owe me for all my labor

When I get to the front of the store
There's bookoo bunches of crowds galore
I've never seen such a long drawn out line

So I clear the path in front of me
Taking people off at the knees
They'll surely think twice the next time

Before getting in my way
And my day of shop and save
Already planning for next year my friend

Satisfied I head for the door
But I tell you not before
I turn and say Happy Holidays and Good Will Towards Men!
Cause that's just the way I am...

With the turkey out of the way
It's time to do some shop and save
Black Friday...here we go again

I am up at three o'clock
So I'll be at the door on the dot
Shopping like a mad whirlwind

Pulling up to Walmart
Grab myself a fresh shopping cart
For when the doors open up at five

Like a horse out of the gate
Your own fault for being in my way
Just count your blessings that your still alive

Beat the crowds straight to the back
For a little ****** and grab
Gotta have the newest wide screen T.V.

Blue hair had my T.V. in her cart
Took her out with a karate chop
Sorry granny it's either you or me

Next set my sights on this kid
With no clue of what he did
Or how he ended splayed out on the floor

In the remote car shopping isle
And it may take that kid awhile
To remember who, what, when, or what for

I next wildly veer off to the right
For that set of Ginsu knives
That I use to hold back the forming crowd

With it being the only set left
I Samurai it over my head
Which  quickly clears out the entire Ginsu isle

With my shopping about done
I sweep shelves into my cart on the run
Figure I can sort it all out later

At times it's hard to pick and choose
With the attitude of I hate to lose
Anyways I figure they owe me for all my labor

When I get to the front of the store
There's bookoo bunches of crowds galore
I've never seen such a long drawn out line

So I clear the path in front of me
Taking people off at the knees
They'll surely think twice the next time

Before getting in my way
And my day of shop and save
Already planning for next year my friend

Satisfied I head for the door
But I tell you not before
I turn and say Happy Holidays and Good Will Towards Men!
Cause that's just the way I am...

With the turkey out of the way
It's time to do some shop and save
Black Friday...here we go again

I am up at three o'clock
So I'll be at the door on the dot
Shopping like a mad whirlwind

Pulling up to Walmart
Grab myself a fresh shopping cart
For when the doors open up at five

Like a horse out of the gate
Your own fault for being in my way
Just count your blessings that you're still alive

Beat the crowds straight to the back
For a little ****** and grab
Gotta have the newest wide screen T.V.

Blue hair had my T.V. in her cart
Took her out with a karate chop
Sorry granny it's either you or me

Next set my sights on this kid
With no clue of what he did
Or how he ended splayed out on the floor

In the remote car shopping isle
And it may take that kid awhile
To remember who, what, when, or what for

I next wildly veer off to the right
For that set of Ginsu knives
That I use to hold back the forming crowd

With it being the only set left
I Samurai it over my head
Which  quickly clears out the entire Ginsu isle

With my shopping about done
I sweep shelves into my cart on the run
Figure I can sort it all out later

At times it's hard to pick and choose
With the attitude of I hate to lose
Anyways I figure they owe me for all my labor

When I get to the front of the store
There's bookoo bunches of crowds galore
I've never seen such a long drawn out line

So I clear the path in front of me
Taking people off at the knees
They'll surely think twice the next time

Before getting in my way
And my day of shop and save
Already planning for next year my friend

Satisfied I head for the door
But I tell you not before
I turn and say Happy Holidays and Good Will Towards Men!
Cause that's just the way I am...

See if this makes any sense
There're people here you can't convince
That they are wrong, and you are right
In changing minds and picking sides

They, like you are standing firm
No need to preach on lessons learned
You will surely not convince
Amongst the screams and beating chests

You can point straight to the lies
Coming from the other side
Drawing from the crowd's blank stare
Bright headlights to a dumbfounded deer

Laying out the hardened facts
Concrete walls that never crack
Not until a crisis comes
Will their eyes open up

But do you sit and save your breath
Or try your best to convince
In a world where there's a need
Blatantly convincing