he realised he wasnt enlightened
and still he wasnt enlightened.

nothing he did mattered.

life is meaningless
and thats ok.

talking to opaque shapes
floating through me.

family is unnerved
abandons me.
i continue
speaking in tongues
walking on all fours.

i burn symbols
into my skin
with my fingertips.

i read them
with just
the whites of my eyes.

the language that lives
in your nightmares.

i speak the evils
youve commited,
and those you still desire..
..i speak you from the room..

alone in this world.
no food,
no water;
this body will last
for centuries.

i cant wait to see it all crumble
and cave in my skull
so i cant think of it.

.

i need a vacation.
somewhere nice.
ill pack all of my things into
a nice suitcase
and jump in it.

i am homeless.
i am pure.

but as i crawl towards success
i resemble more and more
a devil.

life is a painting
of something beautiful
explaining us to ourselves
on a wall
in a building burning down

and we stand there
mesmerised.

people's lives are passing
who i dont know
and it breaks my heart.

people who used to be my life
who i no longer know
and it breaks my heart.

ive laughed through my life
and cant remember any of it.

it breaks my heart.

watching videos
of your dead child playing
from six years ago.

evil visits me
while im asleep
while im awake

it speaks in me
until i think
its words are what i said

whats left of me
is a disease
i beg for it to take

its heart beats in my head.

i would sacrifice you to these
higher powers
if it werent by the hands
of an equal degenerate.

the filth of our kind
is better left without
description.

when announced
we attempt to cleanse it
from the earth
by boiling and burning it alive
and everything else in its path.

do not forgive us
for we know what we do.

jump to attention
at the hint of love
and go to war
with what it gives.

destroy your life
until fate forces you
to fix it,
then on a good day
set out
to destroy your mind.

love birds
and make mercy kills on moths
before inserting a bug in your ear
to make your motions for you.

learn a new language
to speak to someone beautiful
just to tell them
you have a disease
and will remain celibate forever.

give your time
and commitment to a friend
with a crippled body
and a broken soul
to try to teach them
how to walk again,
then tire of them
and everyone
with their crutches leaning
next to your bed.

sternly avoid involving yourself
in the harming of any living thing
until you realize that your life
is a form of destruction whos only pure function of peace was to allow you the time to conclude that;
for your heart to be whole
your body must be the thing
you destroy.

everything that can be done
is an action geared towards
the event of leaving everything.

the only heart
you can truly have
is the heart
that is your own.

all other attempts of
mastering yourself
with another persons life
are lapses of wholeness
which look back at you
and explain to you
who you are
once yourself
has been met
by yourself.

a fusing of souls
is to pour water
into more water.

it only overflows.
leaving the container useless.

so much immaculate truth has passed through the world unseen
in the minds of derelict prophets.

the future will have reborn much of it in forms fitting to those times and temperments but some,
              
                and maybe the most
             pure and high of truths,

will always be unknown to a world who's survival may depend
on the insights of these who are dead and never to return.

a true occasion to call for mourning.

heaven isnt in the clouds.
its on a roof.
sweating
sweeping puddles of water
and little rocks
for hours.
swimming
in my own
pure fluids.
patching the cracks
in the cocoons
of the priveledged.
patching the cracks
in the cocoon
for the watch maker.
the cocoons for
the toddlers who pupate
and molt into parents
leaving their kids
in stranger places.
in the apartment building
so the rain doesnt move in
and ruin all the poverty.
patching the cracks
in the meat factory
so the meat can stay dead
in a safe environment.
and be shipped in fat trucks
to the poverty stricken obese
who party on pure meat
while the babies are away
and make love to each other's
rotting colons.
and im melting black tar chemicals
with fire on the roof
losing 8 pounds of my pure fluids
filling in the cracks
that let the good air in.

but maybe it's not a building.
or an abattoir or babies
or the watch maker and the
pinched nerve in his wrist.

maybe its the people in cocoons
dreaming up their suffering
inventing cracks
to let the suffering out
and the good air in.

maybe it's just raining
in their lives.

and im patching the cracks
in a cloud.

and my pure fluids are the puddles
where you slip and break your neck
as soon as you think youve got it.

the buzzards above me
circling and soaring.
a staring contest for miles.
and im at such peace
that i fear
soon my grin
will fly off my face
and join them.

two thoughts to rub together
but whats the other one?

now whats my prize?

we dug and dug
our fingers broke
we thought we found something
worth a ****.

we added fire
and it got hot
and we made things
that do a lot of things.

they made our food
made the earth broke
and took our food
but we still keep em.

they sit on our mantle
eating up our dust
so we make some things
to clean em off with.

our parents die
and we still keep em
and give em to our kids
now there family heirlooms.

but the kids have better things
and so they learn how
to dismantle them
and they build em back different
turn em into cars
and drink beer
while they watch em go fast.

faster and faster
and faster and faster
until its not considered fast
and everyone loses interest now.

and they get old
and choke on dust
from all the dust
on all the things
and their kids know
so their kids go
up in the air and wonder
"why is the earth broke?"

and they live there
in shiny things
that float on fire
but the fire will die.

and they come falling
back to earth
and wonder
            
              "what the hell is this.
          a junkyard or a graveyard?"

Nobodies going to survive
this life
and im

Willing to wager all my love
on this
with you

And i just hope you have the heart
to do
the same

Yes we will die but we will thrive
until
we fade

Yes we we can live but we will fade
unless
we thrive

And these are all the things that ive
been meaning to

Share with you along with all of
my love,
my love

To everyone ive ever loved
oh   how   i    love   you

and i hope that you are happy
(as happy as can be)
(oh god im happy)
(and watching clouds)

and i hope that you do smile
(more often than not)
(and your heart swells)
(when i see you smile)

and i hope that you are laughing
(for no reason at all)
(and crying)
(tears of joy)

and i hope that your heart swells
(when you look around you)

and that youre surrounded by

everyone youve ever loved

and i dont mind that im not there

because im in the clouds above

and i can see you watching

and i can see you smile
(and my heart swells)

im raining tears of joy and laughing.

To everyone ive ever loved,

    i want you to know
   that i still love you
  and care about every
   hair on your bodies
  and im sorry because  
i know that ive failed you
(and nothing can stop me)
(even if youve forgot me)
(i hope you havent forgotten me)

youre  everyone ive ever loved
my heart is emptying without you
and so im filling it with
everyone ive ever loved
and i deserve to be deserted
by everyone ive ever loved

like water fills a vase and gets
soaked up by a rose
until its brittle and it breaks
until its dead and decomposed
whats there
that could serve
in your stead
well only my heart knows
theres nothing left i can accept
so in my heart a cancer grows

time slowed down
and walked right passed me
and i couldnt look it
in the eye
but it followed me home
and i remember the last thing
it said to me right before
it left in the night was
remember me.

i wouldnt pray to god
because i wouldnt ask god
to pray to me.

i hear electric guitars
and screaming and crying
and people being honest about death
and this is my tribe.

dancing in each others families
we make love to whoever we love.

our bodies arent boundaries
because we see right into eachother.

  we're lost in woods
and in one anothers escape
from a home we're unwilling
                                  to build.

time almost misses us
but creeps in through
the hair in our hands
that is longer when
we let eachother go.

we accept that we were never born
          and live as this requires.

we make shelters in our hearts for     
        everyone we've ever loved.

       a shelter where they come to
               eat  or  rest  or   die


and that is where
our songs are made
until our hair grows clear.

and when the sun forgets our name;

you see
an ancient people
in these woods

and you tell your lover
youve just seen a ghost.

i come from the veda
and im going back.

my family tree is a skeleton.
the truth is in these bones.

i speak truth til my eyes bleed
but i can still see it.

when it whispers in my ear though
i grow young and silent and soiled.

the light at the end
of the tunnel
is hell

im a child with a magnifying glass.

im a colony of ants
eating the child.

i stole songs from god
while drunk or dead.

i gave them
to the poorest people
i could find-

        -the ones with everything
         who dont sing.

all the great music
which makes you want to live
long enough to listen to the song
before you **** yourself
will die.

   but i wont let it even if it kills me

**** poems.
they give too much birth.

they make sure
   that there is evil in the earth.
though the good
   taught us the value of our worth.

     our                 seeds                 are
rotten and forgotten from our birth

       andyoucantrectifythetragedy

i see them every time i look at the sky out of the corner of my eye.

they must be so restless
to live so late
theyre helpful
and hurtful
and endless.

make us our miracles.
give us our gods
feed us the mystery and magic.

the objects we create are filled with fear.
the mind is empty floating poetry.
we desire and we suffer
we join souls and are alone
there is no home
we have eternity to roam.

it rains when its sad

my moth flew over to me
and with a sheet of cloth
i broke off its wings.

i tried to make a mercy ****,
to cut off its head,
but instead
it was left damaged
and shaking
and ill.

it bled from the breadth of its neck
and i feel its breath in my head still.

why have i done what ive done.
where is my heart from.

when you stand in my mind
wearing only your skin
your pheromones penetrate mine.

to taste your biology
leaves my tongue drowning
with nowhere to go
but to yours.

a dead bird flies inside of my skull
and pecks out my eyes from behind
but itll never escape
no matter how hard it tries

that poor bird is losing its mind.


it cant sleep
(it carves what it babels on its walls)
it cant sleep
(it sings spells it learned in Hell)
it cant sleep
(so it perches and
resonates in its chamber)
it cant die (and now neither can i)

Strange
that your lines
though they change
while you move
are still etched
in the space
between objects
like an object
in a mold

but I see
only sides
which are
obverse to me

in my mind
i delicately
carve your
Horizon.

i was dead
but now im free

Hells the home for me.

endless souls
compose its sea

its but a drop in me.

those who speak their suffering
suffer in high degree

to speak of it it rips their minds
from quiet peace to screams -

- theres music in their screams..

to feed their flesh they feed on fruit
which falls from burning trees.

in their lives theyve relived
all the wicked things theyve seen -

- and theyve seen many things..

the dead must dream of me.

i see their lives
come back to me
and it kills me
when i wake.

..the pieces of my broken soul are left free to take.

they keep trying to break in
but thats not where i keep it.
i keep it down below.
and it slowly leaks and leaves me
and it gives itself away for free.

..they try to steal my love.

the space between spaces,

a lepton is an endless field
light-years from the center of itself
where true sound rolls boulders and beads
into the hands which build themselves;

replicating creation
to boil down
back to nothing.

my ghost waits for me
i make him wait.
emaciated and dying
hes a dehydrated crisp
like a dried pepper on the floor.

he is flakes of ash
breaking off of himself.

a residue, forgetting my name,
expectorating dust in my direction.

his statue lives on in silence
as i am the sound
who travels
through all that you see.

i gave birth to a mother snake
who gave birth to a man like me.

it was a battle.

caterpillar crawled in to my ear
it pupated, waited
quiet in the dark.

my mind flies towards all light.

facsimile

from the ether i sweat

which burns and evaporates on my glowing Heat.

                 .rises and collects.


                   im passing clouds


            raining down to the disjointed skeleton of my tree

from which the heads of Humanity hang. Hungry eyed&open-mouthed.;
  filled with the sound of the Macabre, singing to feed the fruit of          my flesh which they eat


                            im the dried up seed
                               next to me on the
                                         ground
                    
                       waiting to grow poppies
                                   from my soul.

ive fallen in love with your words.
i want to watch them run naked from your mouth.
i will pamper them with paper they can dress themselves in.
i want to feel the vibrating colors they give
to the shapeless light of the world
when they speak.

i want you to invite me
to watch them make love,
and watch their childrens bones grow.

i want to give them my kidney

and take a vow of silence for you
with everything but my eyes and ears.

i will not be able to die until i see your response....

which i will hold in my hand
until it rots.

industry will lift like smog.
we will breathe again.

they feed us to eachother

whered all the music go?
i dont see it anymore.
all the words that used to sing
inside my head well now theyre dead
and now i cant remember what the words were for.

an egg is cooking in my heart.
my blood has nowhere left to go.
i cut a spout into my body
the egg plummets to my stomach
and my stomach is devoured by my soul.

...i hear the word of god.
...in everything i hear.
i try so hard to listen
to the stars but theyre too far
and i suspect that only death will bring me near.

some say that were born of the earth.
its only a home for our bodies.
and the universe is nothing
but a home in which it roams
and now the universe , the earth and you are rotting.

there is a purity in silence.
but even that is super sonic.
be still for nothings perfect
theres no cure to being pure
theres no end to what you can have if you dont want it
do you get it? first its hidden then it isnt now youve got it
but you cant get something when it cant be got its
such a mess but i digress until im nothing which is perfect
and it taught itself so well to me, i fought it but it won and now its done
and now im one with what is done,
i think ive got it, but dont think
yeah now ive got it. do you want it?
if you want it you cant have it
do you want it? . .

. . . . .

there is no distance in between us.
we are the water of the sea.
we're empty and we're floating
and we're where objects are paired
but the objects are empty just like you and me
and everything thats in between the empty space still can be seen
and its comprised of exactly the same nothing.
...its in the waters that we wade
and a new ripple is made
when empty and nothing to one another sing.

can you hear the silence ring?

my heart is the native drum which i drum
and the heat which it leaks
is the land where im from.
it dies in the earth
and was born of the sun.
it speaks to me deep.
ghosts of wild beasts come.