I never meant to hold your hand
not like that, not for long.
But you held on far too tightly,
fingers locked like chains, clutching as if letting go would mean losing yourself.

And I tried to pull away, quietly, gently at first.
But the more I resisted, the tighter you grasped-until your love became a tourniquet.

Your grip cut through my flesh,
burst blood vessels deep beneath skin,
left bruises no one else could see,
pain I couldn't name out loud.

Still, I stayed.
Still, I let it happen.
Maybe I thought you'd loosen.
Maybe I feared the tearing more than the hold.

And then, suddenly, you let go.
Just like that.
No warning, no softness,
just absence where your hand used to be.

Now, my hands are swollen,
aching with the memory of pressure.
I can't hold anything else
not love, not comfort, not trust.

Everything slips through these trembling fingers that once held too much for too long.
And though you're gone,
your grip still lingers in the way I flinch when someone reaches for me.

I know another man’s junk is another man’s treasure,
for what is worthless to one may be priceless to me
Like the bracelets I gave you just to be rid of them,
not knowing you’d keep one—and return the other to me

Do you still wear yours? I wonder sometimes
Last time I saw you, it clung to your wrist
But I haven’t seen you in so long,
and time is a thief I cannot resist

Like bladeless sharpeners, empty and still,
they serve no purpose, yet I hold them tight
Once, they were escape, a solace in steel,
now, just relics of vanished nights

Like notes you passed, folded with care,
tucked away in a box I cannot discard
Like the jacket I wore whenever I saw you,
kept so I don’t forget—avoided so I don’t remember too hard

I hate remembering, yet forgetting is worse,
a cruelty I fear more than pain
For how could I let go of the things that remain,
when they made all my days what they were?

Now, I cherish your absence,
yet something about it feels untrue
Once, I wept for every moment near you, mourning the space you filled too soon

I begged for distance, craved the quiet, ached for days untouched by you
Yet silence lingers, rich and heavy,
like a ghost that won't undo

I swore I'd never miss your presence,
never yearn for what once pained
Yet even freedom bears the sorrow
of a loss that still remains

I have gathered so many—
petals, names, the quiet ache of becoming
They press against my chest,
too many to count, too many to hold

Still, I gather more,
watching the way they bloom in the light, how they turn toward something unseen,
something certain

And maybe you understand,
how some things are too precious to set down, how we carry them anyway,
even when our arms are full

They call life a rollercoaster ride,
A thrill, a loop, a drop, a glide
But I don’t see the tracks they praise,
This isn’t thrill, it’s endless maze

A coaster ends, its path is known,
Predictable, it brings you home
But with life, where is the end in sight?
Where’s the design? Where is the right?

Life is no ride, it’s far more tight,
A chain that binds, a heavy plight
They claim I choose my steps, my way,
But choices don’t exist today

The ones around me shift the ground,
They twist my fate without a sound
You say, “It’s worth it,” from below,
But from where I stand, you do not know

My life began not with a stride,
But clinging to a mountainside
Where others stepped from stone to stone,
I climbed a cliff face, all alone

So tell me now, what hope remains
For one who scaled such sharp terrains?
I’m near the peak, with frozen breath,
Yet nothing here resembles rest

I see them laughing down below,
Their paths laid out in gentle flow
While I hang bruised with aching grip,
Each moment feels my fingers slip

This summit isn’t what I chose,
It’s just the path that hardship froze
I climbed because I had no say,
Because the world carved out that way

And though the peak is cold and bare,
At least it feels like something there
To leap back down, no solid plan,
Too far I’ve come, too weak I am

The coat I wear is thin, worn through,
It holds no heat, but hides the blue
And though I dream of stepping stones,
I know the price would break my bones

I’ve built a shelter on this height,
The mountain holds me through the night
It cradles me, yet keeps me bound,
Above the life I never found

And still, I watch the ones below,
Their lighter lives, their steady flow
And wonder, softly, with regret,
At all the things I never met