Lie to me.
Tell me that I am everything I never was.
Tell me that I am beautiful and watch me tremble and shake.
Look into my eyes and lie to my face, will you?

Why did I build my home on such
an unsteady foundation
of lies and insecurity?
Time and time again,
I swallow my grief
just to blink back tears and brush the truth away.
Stay where you are and do not come near.
Don't cause a land slide that will surely destroy me.
I will be crushed under the weight of so many lies
weakly supported by kind intentions.

Hide the truth for me if you love me truly.
Cover my eyes and whisper into my ears: you are beautiful.
Protect me with your lies.

Can you handle my roller coaster mind
the way I stop right before I drop 50 stories high
but I don't always spread my wings
I would just die
But I come back
Just to see if you wore black
would you be sad would you wear black
Did you have enough of me
Cause I've had enough of your confusion
And the illusion you make me feel
but you let me fall
You just ride when you want something more
so just let me fall
let me hate you
Cause at the pace we are going I might just destroy you and me
This roller coaster ride is not for free
is costs me pain
and we keep playing it till I'm drained
I can hear the final drops of me hit the ground
the sound is so loud
trikh
trikh
it will surround you and you'll be drowned .

Sometimes I hate writing as much as I wanna write cause the amount of the thoughts in my head can't be derived as much as I thrived to collect them to make sense of them I start to lose my mind I'm calculating the amount.of times I think about you but at the same time I'm thinking not to think about you and who am I kidding all other thoughts I pour my interest into don't fit my true interest which is you. I get hurt easily and you hurt me easily and I get hurt I get hurt I get hurt .
But you don't even know do you .
even though I show so clearly .
And now I'm distracted by the image on the wall of when I was small so little I can recall. But I was always a bit weird and a bit off but I had strong ambition now it's gone soft I'm in a tough spot of denying who I am for the sake of what I might be .something that might bother me. So I wander everyday all day at what I can be and none of the options I see interest me in fact I really just point out all your flaws in my head the flaws of everyone ive met and im diving into negativity my own made up pool and I swim in it like I'm so cool but the truth is you die from trying to be better than all the flaws you point out and then you start pointing at yourself and there is soo much to point at so many flaws that bring you down and you start to drawn ..
But I need to keep going down this road I was told cause I don't know better how can I when I don't even have the space to figure anything out will I always live in my denied doubt ?
I hear a sound of the AC but in my head it sounds like the shore of the Honolulu where I will be smoking a cigarette and you will be there next to me.
And I close my eyes to the sound and I fall asleep ♡

GN fellow poets