Do you dare to break a window?
Oh angry girl.
Your accidental outburst puts us all to shame.

What did they do to you to make you like this?
Is it really my business?
You made it so when you broke that **** window.

You kicked it. With brute force and intent.
What was the window supposed to do?
(Surely not break)
Well it did-

I pray that your regrets last until the next decision;
when another insect crosses your path.
Perhaps then you would choose a wiser action?

Oh angry girl, I will never know what angry thoughts you hide.
"It was an accident, not out of malice," Gail defended.
"How can you kick out a bus window without malice?"
The woman on the other end replied.

It’s welling up, it’s closing in.
I’ve waited for the end since this all began.
Like the petal of a rose decomposing in the dirt.
my sanity has withered into nothing but hurt.

A distant memory that I’ve driven away,
how long will I last before I give up and say
"**** it I’m done. Today’s the day
that I’m done with this ****. I’m going away
and not coming back. My new home’s the grave.”
I can only imagine its coming up fast.
My world is collapsing, this isn’t going to last.

Maybe I’ll say my goodbyes and wish everyone well
and tell everybody I’ll see them in hell.
But that **** isn’t real, death is only the black.
A dreamless sleep from which you never come back.
I’ll open my arms and greet it with relief.
The blackness will welcome me, and I’ll finally know peace.

Four ****** down washed away with beer.
I can no longer live a life lead by fear.
Constant stress of just being awake,
when all I ever wanted was to just get away.
To start my life over, but it’s not that easy
when the mask you once donned has sunk its teeth in.

The walls I built around me to keep myself safe
have become this new fortress from which I can’t escape.
The sigil of the heart I once wore on my sleeve
has long since faded into a jaded, new me.
How foolish I was to think I could go back
to the person I was before I donned the mask.

I’m afraid I’ll do something I regret.
Like go AWOL, or just end up dead.
I try to hold on but the memories are fleeting
now all that I hear is my subconscious screaming
piercing my thoughts, no hope for peace
now all that I seek is some form of release.
A light pole at 80, just another crash.
Or the squeeze of a trigger for my brain to catch.

I’m tired of not seeing a reason
to see this life through yet another season.
Everyone dies, that fact remains true.
you may be happy living
but I’m not you.

Your words ring out leaving me confused.
Fulfilling my dreams and hope anew.
But the same lie a million times,
can never be true.

It slips through the cracks of your perfect smile.
Caressing my ears to the sound of denial.
Weeding its way inside my mind.
Plucking my heartstings to the rhythm of lies.

So swallow your words while I choke on formalities.
While you’re ******* lies, I’m drowning in reality.
The waves are crushing, dragging me under.
Your betrayal; the storm and the roaring thunder.

They’re calling me home.

There is a dip at the center of my mattress
from night after night of sleeping alone,
gravity, like the weight of loneliness,
has made it sink down.
If the day ever comes that I share my bed with another,
the dip in the middle will bring us closer together while we sleep.
As if I had to endure all the lonely nights just to sleep so close to someone.
I’ll keep waiting for that day,
and the longer I wait, the lower the dip gets.
Maybe one day I’ll find someone to share the dip in my mattress with.

Or maybe I should just flip my mattress.