OH BOY AM I SAD.
NO ONE REALIZES HOW CLOSE I AM TO KILLING MYSELF.
PEOPLE ASK ME WHAT'S WRONG AND I TELL THEM THAT
I'M JUST HAVING A BAD DAY
WHEN IN FACT
I'M HAVING A BAD WEEK,
BAD MONTH,
BAD YEAR,
BAD LIFE.
I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN WEEKS,
THE BAGS UNDER MY EYES ARE HEAVIER THAN MY BOOK BAG.
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE MY GRADES ARE MORE
IMPORTANT THAN MY MENTAL HEALTH, RIGHT?
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE PAIN I FEEL AND
I CAN'T EVEN ******* EXPLAIN IT.
**** **** **** ****
WHY WON'T SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MY WORST ENEMY?
WHY WON'T SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF?
OH BOY AM I SAD.

1.) I'm tired of lighting cigarettes and joints when I really just want to light my insides on fire.
2.) I'm tired of kissing boring girls and boring boys in hopes of feeling something other than this eternal silence inside of me.
3.) I'm tired of drinking 20 cups of black coffee hoping the caffeine will stop my heart.
4.) I'm tired of taking blue pills, snorting white lines, shots of ***** and **** rips to hold me over for a couple hours.
5.) I'm really ******* tired of shaking between highs, head between my knees, heart pounding, breaking into a cold sweat.

I'm tired of being an addict.

I'm only here,
waiting for you,
never coming through
my door again,
never looking in,
my eyes again,
never breathing near
my ear again,
never lips on
my flesh.

I'm only here,
waiting for you,
still.

If you let me explore
you with my rougish tongue,
through your cavities
and my carnalities,
to the stark nakedness
of your flesh and your soul,
and you’d let me have
a piece of your beautiful
beautiful mind,
I would enmesh it with
my own broken
and ****** soul.
We would be one,
heartbeats in sync,
and fingerprints, and the
panorama of memories would
bind themselves in order
to be a creature, as one,
whose enigma permeates
through the walls of this
inexplicable phenomenon. You
will satisfy the longingness
yearned by each atom that
constitutes my being, and I,
a speck of invisible stardust
in the universe, would
radiate the faintest glimmer
of light enough to suffice
the life you need.

I HAVE DECIDED ON YOU.
YOUR VOICE,
YOUR SMILE,
YOUR EYES,
THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT ME,
E V E R Y T H I N G.
YOU HAVE GOT THE ARMS I WANT TO BE IN.
YOUR SMILE IS SOMETHING I CAN NEVER WITHSTAND.
YOUR VOICE IS SOMETHING I COULD LISTEN TO HOURS ON END.
I HAVE DECIDED ON YOU, AND ONLY YOU.