It’s persistent, the voice in my head
The voice that tells me I’m no good
I may have kept it at bay for awhile
But now that I’m tired and stressed
Now that I feel like I’ve lost control of my life
It’s back

I am not a good husband
Not a good father
Not a good coach
Not a good friend
Not a good employee
Not a good son
Not a good writer
Not a good person

These are the words it wants me to believe
These are the feelings it evokes
These are what will ruin my day
If I pretend they aren’t there

The power is in the secrecy
If only I would keep these words hidden
Don’t let anyone know
The secret is the oxygen that fuels the fires
Of self doubt
The voice wants me to suffer alone
“No one can know” it tells me
“They won’t understand” it bellows
But these are lies

All have days like this
All have weeks and months
Littered with doubt and stress and fear
The truth is that we are not alone
Not in any of it
Those lies lose their power
In the presence of that truth

Share your fears
Acknowledge that they exist
Identify them by name
And you will learn that your mind
Plays sick jokes

I am a good husband
I am a good father
I am a good coach
I am a good friend
I am a good employee
I am a good son
I am a good writer
I am a good person

Even when I don’t feel it
These are the truth

We are all accessories
In your story.

None of us exist
Except as we augment you.

That is why
We will all be outdated and discarded
When next year's model
Of you
Features a new charging port.

Someday,
In a way, I’ll have never been alone
And someday,
I’ll listen to the voice
That has called my name for years

upon these keys
i press
with my eyes
their lashes
and all my
tears.

for the rest of my
extremities
have nothing
left to say
only how
tired they
are of talking...


and so i
type.

There is
No
One
On this entire planet
That is
Exactly
Like you
Your looks
Your preferences
Your character
All combined
Makes you
Uniquely
You

i want to hug you the way,
winnie the pooh hugs the piglet

I search for words,
poems,
songs,
and quotes
that remind me of you.
It seems that others
are better at
describing my feelings
than I am.

Yet here I am,
still struggling to
put my feelings
into beautiful words.

B.K.