Laying awake because the worry wont cease,
Heartache inside on a steady increase.
No way to put into words the dread and anxiety, my constant companion in your society.
Cant have a conversation no matter how gentle or careful I try to be. So much rage and venom I fade under the intensity.
I am so overwhelmed and confused a jumbled mess. Find myself accepting less and less.
Less compassion and respect,  less love and affection. I See the shadows in my eyes as I stare at my reflection.
What are we doing? playing a warped game of pretend? One where nobody’s happy or ever wins I want it to end!
It starts with me the only place it can. I must face the things away from which I’ve ran.
On my own afraid but i have to learn to stand. Do it all for myself no looking back no longer expecting a hand.
Broken,bleeding, and bare, carrying more baggage than i want to share.
It does no good to ask myself how or why?
But i might need a moment to grieve to cry.

black bird sings early, the same bird calls late.
new light drowns darkness, spring spins around.
black bird calls early, the same bird calls late.
sonnet sings ten beats to another’s spare sound.

who asks for word, who knows which hour it starts,
which minute, which rule of rhyme or reason.
making of lines , counting the breaks, our hearts
open. this is february, split season.
moon draws the tide, upper river pools
on spring, a note , a sonnet , a dance
where light or other prayers redeem fools,
those who rage the world sons may change perchance.

on spring we write in fourteen lines, to date,

black bird sings early, the same bird calls late.

As another summer rains again start,
Beauty once more graces the weathered field.
Cornflowers' allure sets them miles apart
Decorate as profit is theirs to yield.

Each raindrop—delight for their new petals,
Fields now agog, no longer bound by gloom.
Giving rise to dreams of liquid metals~
Hopes that endure one more season of bloom.

In autumn, their beauty begins to fade,
June to October rendezvous over.
Keeping clean the spots their petals once laid,
Leaving some for critters with the drover.

Many more months before new petals shine,
Night envelopes their beauties with dark veils.
On empty plains, butterflies start to whine;
Probing questions scattered by autumn's gales.

Questions, only nature gives their answers,
Reasons men's skill is low compared to God~
Simply great turning petals to dancers.
Taking time for bees to even applaud.

Unlike in fall that flowers start to wilt
Vibrant blooms welcome their stay in summer
Winter's chilling grip hit them to the hilt.
Xylosma even lose their charisma.

Year in year out, season repeats the script
Zealous codes nature declines to decript.

Surveilled fluorescence at my temples,
Pulse. Pulse. Pulse.
This desolate white—arches forming at my cuticles,
Four dimensional, the Nile running through my body.
Sediment washes into silence;

grit settles in the gaps of my teeth, my eyelashes blacken.
Gummy cuts and chlorine burns.
Rubbery knuckles and the smell of gasoline.
Metal in my ear, ringing—

when you make another one
don't forget to recycle what's left of me,
don't forget to pay the copyright fee
just in case i rise from the grave
to reclaim what's mine.

when you look in her eyes,
does the lack of knowledge excite you more
than all of my suffering could before?
does she still respond to my name
or do you get to pick a new one?

she's not me, but i wish she was.
see, it really was you and me both
tired of the lack of variables,
but it felt like we were getting close.
now it's your turn to figure it out.
and if worst comes to worst,
do remember,
you can always make another one.

Tell me in your odd socks
how it rained when
you left the stationery store,

a child you saw
mesmerised by newborn puddles,
their trembling reflection,

how you later caught your own
in a slippery window,
an empty office, gossipless,

droplets almost washing
you away, what you were
into a newer you, just more wet.

I still dream about you
All the things we did
And all we haven’t done
I dream of us lying in bed talking
Or cooking in the kitchen together
I dream of us travelling
And staying up all night because we don’t want to sleep
You are in nearly all of my dreams
And I wake up sadder each morning