I was never a type of person...
to share thoughts and open my mind,
my wounds for everyone to see or feel
but I was a type of person to hold a pen,
write my emotions, describe thoughts I could not draw

I was never an achiever at drawing
but I was an awardee at writing, speaking...

I was a type of person
who hid behind her notebook,
flips through empty, unwritten new pages
of a newly bought notebook

I was never the type of person
to start a conversation,
I was not much of a smooth talker
only a few knew me,
beyond what they see in the mask I hide
beyond the lies I tell
the stories I unravel

I was always the type of person being bullied,
abused, naive for a fact that everyone understands me
or that everyone is my friend
or that everyone will not spill my secret
As Ginny says, secrets hold power
I want that power gone, so is the secret I tell

I was the type of person,
sensitive and loving
clingy to my friends, supportive to my siblings
I was always the advice seeker
but where were you when I needed you most?
I thought we had each other's backs
but I guess, when I was the talk of the town, you joined the fun.

maybe, because gossiping sure was fun.
I was once the life of the party
but now it feels like my life is a party
a funeral for everyone to see,
hypocrites lined up waiting to see me

I think I like my new name, new form better
Everyone calls me a liar, a thief, a what now?
A devil.
I look, talk and walk like an angel, just like in a song
that I got wise, now I am the devil.
but he never grins or smirks,
I will never forget what you all called me
But I like my name, I think it suits me

An unheard explanation waiting to be heard is enough for an amount of silence traded for peace of mind.
Do we really need to know everything at all costs?
What costs us when we heard unspoken truth unfolding right before our very eyes,
heard by what our ears supposedly should not hear,
gives us pain and suffering in return.

maybe it is better to let it be.
known or unknown.
heard or not
seen or not
tangible or intangible.
does it matter? or does it not?

questions are quite tricky that was stuck in the corner of my mind
is it worth it or is it not?
to be or not to be? that is the question.
maybe Shakespeare seems to be offended of me for stealing Hamlet's dialogue
just like this poem, I intended to write it
to let my mind wander free here on Hello Poetry

sometimes, I consider myself as a cloud.
I am quite emotional. I cry a lot.
I am softhearted and sensitive.
I hate it. I go soft for things that are sincere.
I hate petty things to be fought over.
I love music, I love poems and songs
in short, I love literature.

it feels like I am stuck in a wrong era, in a wrong world
in a wrong generation, in a wrong century
everything in my life feels so wrong.

No one has to know. No matter what other people have to say against you, their opinions never matter. At the end of the day, no matter what you do in life, you always have a home in me, my arms will welcome and embrace you. Keep moving forward my love, mistakes happen. We are all imperfect, still, what was important was you were never invisible in my eyes.

We survive not to please other, but to prove to ourselves that we can do it. That we deserve to live a life independently. We survived long enough to satisfy ourselves. Opinions of others are not required to be heard, God's voice does.

To my little panda,
healing his inner child.

Look how far you've come
Look how big you've grown now
Immaturity was still there
In a mature tall man, you are

When I look into your eyes,
I once saw fear.
The fear of being unloved.
of being judged.
of being unaccepted.

But when you knew my story,
You saw gladness in my eyes
looking back at you.

I stood beside you for many years,
witnessed every tantrum,
every episode,
every anxiety you may feel,
I held your hand out from the crowd
snatched you away, hugged you
and kept you safe.

I never went with you
in these bodies of water
where we might drown

but sometimes,
I want you to experience
the things you never experienced before
I want you to be loved and feel loved
without pain,

where is the fun in that?
when I maybe chose to take away the happiness in your life
but rather, we bargain, leave the happiness behind as is
and remove the negativities in your life

Little panda, you are an old fragile man with a broken inner child.
You were once a child too, but they took it away from you.

How come— he who bends me never broke me But rather, his pleasure is what I desire
I thought it was pain, but when it lasted, I long for the feeling.
I cried and moaned softly— but amidst the push and the pull, I laughed playfully

Hindi ako ang taong hinahanap mo, at siguro, hindi rin ikaw ang taong akala ko noon na kailangan ko.

Oo, nagbago ako— at alam kong iyon ang hindi mo matanggap. Pero kailan ba naging kasalanan ang pagbabago? Bakit kailangang may masisi? Bakit kailangang isa sa atin ang may sala?

Ang "tayo" noon ay tila isang kwento na sinimulan natin nang may galak, ngunit natapos nang walang malinaw na wakas. At kahit gusto **** isipin na isa lamang itong kwento ng paglimot, alam **** hindi lang iyon ang nangyari.

Alam **** may mga sandali na kahit magkasama tayo, ang isip ko ay lumulutang, naghahanap ng ibang daan, ibang kapiling. At alam **** kahit anong sakit ang maramdaman mo ngayon, walang balikan, walang paliwanag na sapat para burahin ang katotohanang iyon.

Kung ang paglayo ko ang naging dahilan ng pagguho mo, hindi ko na iyon mababawi. Pero huwag **** isipin na ginawa ko ito upang sirain ka. Dahil hindi ko kailanman hinangad ang bumitaw sa bagay na minsan kong pinahalagahan.

Pero minsan, ang isang tao ay hindi talaga itinadhana upang manatili. At minsan, ang pagmamahal ay hindi sapat upang hindi hanapin ang iba.

Hindi kita pinagkaisahan, hindi kita ginamit, hindi kita iniwan nang walang dahilan. Nagbago ako, nagbago rin ang nararamdaman ko. At hindi kita ginawang laruan— pero hindi ko rin kayang ipilit ang isang bagay na nawala na.

Ikaw ang naglingon pabalik, habang ako naman, tuluyan nang lumakad palayo. Hindi dahil gusto kong makalimutan, kundi dahil alam kong wala nang dapat pang balikan.

Hindi ko na hihilingin na intindihin mo ako. Hindi ko na pipilitin ang sarili kong magpaliwanag pa sa iyo, dahil sa dulo, hindi naman kailangang lahat ng bagay ay may paliwanag.

Matagal ko nang alam ang nararamdaman mo, matagal ko nang alam ang hinanakit na hindi mo kayang bitawan. Pero kung ako ang nagpasyang lumayo, ikaw rin naman ang matagal nang hindi nagawang manatili.

Kung ang huli nating usapan ay isang paghuhusga, isang pagsisi, isang hanapan ng dahilan— siguro, ito na ang huling sagot ko sa iyo.

Hindi ko na kailangang lumingon pa. Hindi ko na kailangang ipaliwanag pa kung paano ako nakahanap ng iba, kung paano ako tuluyang nawala kahit sa harapan mo pa lang.

Wala na rin naman kahit na balikan, wala na ang tamis nung ika’y nahagkan, at sa huling paalam, naintindihan na sa ating dalawa, may ibang nakalaan.

Wala na tayong “tayo.” At kung iyon ang katotohanan, matagal ko nang natanggap iyon.

Sa pagkakataong ito, hindi ko na kailangang lumingon pa. Paalam.

you want game? I will place you in one.
beware. no one makes it out alive.
how does it feel?
to be played in your own game?
be tricked in your own set of rules
Is it fun to be played? No right?
so why play when you do not wanna play fair?
you do not know the mechanics of this game.
but you seem to act as if knowing the rules by rote memorization makes you win
know the rules by heart and you win.
honey, you are not suitable for my liking.
and so is the game you play.

I was weak.
That’s the truth I’m trying to swallow.
Not proud—never proud.
Just... hollow.
It wasn’t love.
It wasn’t joy.
It was me, trying to outrun the man I failed to become for you.

Her perfume didn’t enchant me—it distracted me.
Her laugh didn’t move me—it made me forget the silence I created between us.
You were there every night—polishing shoes, folding shirts, But I looked at comfort and called it routine.
I mistook loyalty for obligation.
And when I felt small, I found a way to feel wanted again—cheaply, recklessly.

Yes, it was weakness.
Not temptation.
There were no fireworks.
Just a flicker in the dark and the sound of me closing the door behind your back.
I regret it—every mark she left And every trace I brought home to unravel you.
You didn’t deserve to feel second to anyone. Ever.

But here I stand, not asking for forgiveness— Just owning the wreckage and calling it mine.

I’ll try to wipe away my tears
And conquer all of my fears
No matter how many times I fall down
Stand tall and wear thy crown

Stand tall and proud
In front of the huge crowd
Chin up and smile
This nervousness will only take just for a while

I am not a toy for you to play and own
Cause I am born royalty to sit in my own throne
I am not a puppet on your strings
For you to do your ***** things

Since I am she
And she is Queen
Since she is me
And I deserve to be my own Queen

You cannot control me
I am my own Queen
I don’t need a King
Cause baby I can do anything

I have everything
I am everything
That you are not
That you are not

You cannot manipulate me
I am hidden and cannot be seen
Cause I am one in a million
One, one of a kind

Yeah, I don’t mind
Leaving you in oblivion

I can just watch you fall
Like a domino tile
It’s a wakeup call
But keep running for a mile

Cause Karma is going to chase you
Guilt is going to make you regret it
Arrogance is what makes you not worth it
Don’t wait for the day that I’m going to end you


I still stand on solid ground
And I am hell-bound
Cause a Queen like me does not need a King like you
So, it means Goodbye cause we’re through

I got my own name
I know I will never be the same
I never play games
Cause I know I can never be tamed

Oh, pick up the cross you carry
Even though it’s too heavy
But start walking again
Even though it stings and you’re in pain

One day I will rise up
And let all the crowd shut up
I didn’t need a pair of wings to fly higher
Cause I was born a fighter

I just need to raise my heads up to the sky
And let them hear my battle cry
No matter how hard we try
I still believe in You and I

You let me rise up
Just to drag me down
You stack me up
Just to let me down

How come you build me now
And destroy me once and for all
And let me fall
But I’m unbeatable, unbreakable now

Bury me alive
I will be back before you know it
Please let me be alive
I will behave like you know it

Curse me on my coffin
Say your prayers to my grave
I’m six feet below my grave
I despise you deep within

Go and run away
Hide where your guilt feelings haunt you
Escape where your conscience bothers you
Go and hide away

Sleep and let your nightmares seek you
Let them visit you
Go and vanish away
Go and stay away

There was a scene from a series I once saw while scrolling—a moment between a mother, her son, and his wife. It lingered with me, not just because of the dialogue, but because it unveiled something I hadn’t quite put into words before.

My mother believes she knows me. She sees me as her daughter, shaped by the experiences she’s witnessed. But that isn’t knowing me—not fully. She knows the version of me I allow her to see, the echoes of moments she has observed. Yet, she does not know the thoughts that have weighed on my mind, the struggles that have unraveled in silence. She does not know the battles I have fought when no one was looking.

She thinks she knows me. But she knows only the reflection of who I’ve been in front of her—not the depths of what has been.

The moment she spoke, the words came without hesitation—an assertion that I had never known hardship the way they did back then. But what was her point? Was I supposed to experience the same struggles to justify seeking work, to endure a job that drains me?

I believe in the seasons of life, in the ebb and flow that shapes each journey. Not everything you wish for will always fall into place. The tide does not rush to meet you at every shore. No—like the dock, like the shore, everything has its own timeframe. There is a rhythm to when things arrive, when they retreat.

Sometimes, the wisest choice is not to charge forward blindly but to pause—to listen to the tide when it rises, to recognize when the storm makes waiting the better path.

To my father, who sees me only through the lens of my mistakes. Tricky, isn’t it?

I was never the favorite—it was never something I felt. And in the moments when I tried to speak my mind, I was seen as rude. You let your wounded pride dictate your reaction, resorting to physical abuse when my words unsettled you.

I wonder why it was always acceptable for you to speak harshly to us, to offend, to joke with a half-meant sting. And when we hurt, when silence became our response, it was dismissed—just as we were. We let it go, swallowed it whole, because if we spoke, we were the ones in the wrong. We were the ones without respect for you.

Respect, it seems, was only expected when it was convenient for you!

But to my partner—the one who sees beyond both my silence and my noise. Beyond my laughter and my tears, my vulnerabilities and my strength. The one who notices even when I am invisible, and who does not need to chase me when I seek attention.

He sees me.

I have never needed to pretend.

With him, I am raw. Unfiltered. Whole.

He knows me from deep within and from outside. He understood the assignment once I kept silent for a while.

He knows me from all of me.

You wanted a fight,
I brought war to your home.
You brought issues,
I brought destruction.

Think twice and bring whatever you want,
But let me tell you,
What you bring is three times worse in return.

Release the Kraken,
they might say,
But a winged Pegasus,
paired with Medusa’s head
Is mightier than anything you've offered.

we danced for danger,
I thought things for drastic measures
lost my way into the woods
glad I met someone like you—
get ready for it

sang a chorus of songs like a plea for help,
stray me my sanity
but still, I love him
though the forest never promised safety
I stayed

his silhouette flickered between trees
a lullaby and a warning yet I followed

I absorb words as if I was a sponge—
soft, yielding until the flood finds me
and I no longer float, but sink singing

A favorite song of mine titled Sa bawat sandali sung by Amiel Sol always left me a last song syndrome impression.
I always remember the moments when my hubby gets tired from work or from anything else. He always wanted to see me. He always wanted to seek for my comfort, and I understood him.

That is why when I always hear this song, it made me reminisce because I am thinking of him. When the world is too chaotic for you to bear, or when you can no longer carry the weight of the burdens you felt, just come to me and I will always welcome you with open hands and hug you right away.

Be the peace and resting place your partner seeks. Be there for him or her. Like the clouds, they cry when it is too heavy for them to not carry their excess baggage anymore.

The chorus went like:

Kapag magulo na ang mundo
(When the world becomes chaotic)

Ikaw ang payapang hinahanap-hanap ko
(You are the peace I long for)

Tumakbo ka rin patungo sa 'kin
(Run toward me as I run to you)

Kapag bumibigat na ang iyong dibdib
(When your heart grows heavy)

Ika'y sasalubungin
(I will be here to welcome you)

One thing that reckons me was— a force that cannot be avoided.
Like a secret— a smoke as I described it
Cannot be kept on one's hand
For it reveals itself on its own.
Tricky, perhaps, any scientist or philosopher would dare question
Not even a dummy can spin a roulette
Not even a hero can toss a coin to the ferryman to cross the bridge when we got there
I know my rights, my rules as a woman
And one of the words you claim of me, is not counted.
Hence, the releasing of secrets began like one's fate is sealed and revealed at the same time
Life made me question my abilities
My identity made me question my worth
Who was I, right?
That even the scapegoat was crucified for us to be saved from our sins.