i opened my mouth
and shots were fired
words are my choice
of weapon and i
found my smoking gun.

the world is so
small
until it’s
you
i want to run into…

i’ve put my heart
on the bookshelf
for these days,
it seems to be of
little use in my chest.

i heard your name in the
whispers of the wind,
turned around to check
if in fact it was you taunting me
but alas, twas only the trees
spinning their tall tales
and me wishing for
a happy ending.

they say the grass is always greener
on the other side
but honestly i’ve never seen
green grass
in this city of mine

i’m just another
broken storyteller
hoping my words
will glue me back
together again

she likes the same things i do,
and i can’t help but wonder
if that’s why you chose her.
do you think of me when she
talks about my favorite band?
well i guess it’s her favorite too.
if you only ever think of me
once a year, i hope it’s on my birthday.
it’s hers too.
it was hers first,
but you were mine first.
this is the one time where
i wish i was last.

this entire winter
i’ve been a hibernating seed
under a blanket of
protective soil and frost.
spring shows me
emerging from the
dewy grass and
spouting up towards the sun,
but summer is where
i truly flourish.

don’t you let a single tear
drip down your face
i know it’s hard
little girl
to choke back those sobs
and let’em have it
but it gets better
my dear.

it does.

i’m under the influence
of the night,
darkness is my drug.

life is an attic and i’m
the tattered old books
in a box marked
‘fragile’
hope is the thing that
keeps me from wondering
when i’ll be thrown out.
despair is the thing
reminding me that
one day i will be.

my mama shot up
them dollar bills
and my daddy he drank
them away

she’s as fake as snow in the state of california

the moon keeps me awake at night

she whispers earthly secrets to me

and the stars they laugh along

twinkling to the songs of the wind;

sweet lullabies suited for candy floss clouds.

the darkness is my true peace.

i stopped writing in hopes
that the inspiration would
fill me up like a tub;
warm water words
spilling over my rough edges,
escaping my aching bones.

daydream like you’re going
to live forever,
live like you’re going
to die tomorrow.

the rose petal writings
of a young girl;
sickeningly sweet,
light as air,
only to wither and
die.

even roses have thorns,
the beauty is in the irony.

the fog rolled in
and hovered over my city’s
streets.
the trees rustled with
chilled winds that bit skin
harshly.
the moon whispered it’s
secrets to me and i
cried.
the loneliness crept in
sinking it’s teeth into my
bones.
the time has come
for me to leave home.
goodbye.

i like myself
the most when
i’m not being
wreckless.
so why do
i hate myself
when i’m being
careful?

the clock on my living room wall
is dying
each second it ticks slower while
my heart attempts to beat
in unison
i like the idea that this is my own
personal countdown to the end
of time.

wishing i could compile
all the thoughts that have ever crossed my mind
into something tangible
but my disorganized mind
has no time to stop
and correct
or make sense
because the next stream of consciousness comes along
like a full speed train with no conductor
and i’m tied to the tracks
all signs pointing to the fact i put myself there
but don’t forget who gave me the rope
bound my wrists
and left me for dead

one poem later and i realize
that i’ve become
my parents.

took two pills
took two shots
felt numb
felt sorry
wired
tired.

poetry is far too beautiful
to contain all the sadness
i hold in my heart

let’s get high and
pretend everything is
alright

my surroundings
match my mind
the clutter in my
room coincides
with the crap
in my brain
why clean when
you can ignore?
my mental breakdown
should arrive around
the time when
you can no longer
see my floor

if tomorrow starts without me
leave me be
the present is a nightmare
my future is but a dream.

it hailed today,
my eyes scanned grey skies
for glimpses of blue
that were not there.

i imagine my perfect self
hidden around every corner
i chase her
through the dark
crevices of my mind
we play hide and seek
and my dreams are her favorite spot
when i awaken she leaves me
only but a memory
of who i could be
if i stopped chasing her
and became her

to me, the rain sounds
like a reminder
that i’m stuck in this town.
seattle’s a drain and
i’m going down
drowning.

when the clock struck midnight
wherever you are
and you thought about the past
and the future
i hope that i was something
that crossed your mind
even if only for a second.

i search for myself
in the words that i write
but i get lost
in thoughts
too many words, phrases,
ideas, and concepts.
the plot thickens -
i cannot see over the letters
i search for meaning
and find more questions
in this maze
called poetry

I hate being a writer…
Inspiration does not understand time,
or wait for me to grab a pen and paper.
It does not care that it’s inappropriate to
scribble feverishly in most circumstances;
like sorry I should be working but
I’ve just gotten the idea for lyrics to a song.
I know you’re in the shower but
this poem has to be written.
Oh you’ve just woken up from a nightmare?
Let’s write a ******* novel.
I do not control my words, my words control me.

going to sleep at four in the morning
waking up at four in the afternoon
trying to justify my insomnia
like i’m not the problems
that i create for myself
goodnight, sleep tight
don’t let the bed bugs bite
you in the *** you narcissistic
piece of sleepless ****

in between puffs of smoke
we locked eyes.
small rings escaping your mouth,
caressed my face;
light headed and mesmerized,
i found myself wanting a taste
directly from your lips.
the crown royal was not the only thing
that had me flushed
hearing you croak a raspy out-hale of my name

i wish that i had atlas hands
so that i could trace fingers
across maps and be transported
to where you were
nothing would be unfamiliar
if your face was what i saw
against the backdrop of the world

non, je ne regrette pas une seule chose
car vous voyez à travers moi, mon cher,
et vous feront toujours.

there’s a fire in your eyes,
and i’d like to be the one to put it out.

on the corner of bell
i questioned who i was
in comparison to this big city
i’m an ant on the bus
trying not to get squished
i stood next to the space needle
and it felt infinite while i was momentary
i was lost like a penny
that rolled into the streets
worthless and forgotten
seattle’s a drain
and i’m going down
drowning

the burden of life
has fallen on my shoulders
and i am weak
from pulling the weight
of everyone but myself.
i’m at a
standstill.
i am weak,
not even strong enough to cry..
but still i fight
for everyone else.

you showed up in my life
uninvited
i wanted you then
and you knew it too
but i couldn’t have you
so i let go
only for you to show up again
uninvited
this time you wanted me
and i fell for you harder than ever
because i still couldn’t have you
i can never have you
but you just keep showing up
uninvited
and now, i need you.

thunder &
lightning &
rain, oh my.

in my house spoons disappear
like it’s no big deal
she spends more time
in the bathroom then she should
and she goes on mysterious outings
without her phone
so it was no surprise to see texts
from a man called poncho
whom she meets in parking lots
the mystery was solved.

i called into the bathroom,
“i know what you’re doing in there.”
her response was,
“i don’t give a ****!”
so i went and sat in the bathroom
as long as she did
wondering if anyone would notice if i too
disappeared like the spoons…

cold medicine and cold feet
half lidded eyes, she’s half asleep
wendy’s waiting for her peter pan
dreaming they’re together in neverland

having a best friend means
to forget your manners
let’s stuff our faces
while we talk **** and
about the ****** up stuff
going on in our lives
or in our heads
telling you my secrets
is my way of promising
to always keep yours
you and i have a bond
that cannot be broken
because meeting you was like meeting my other half
and the phrase “best friends”
hardly does our relationship justice
you’re my sister
you’re my missing piece
without you i wouldn’t be me
my life would ****
100 times more than it does today
if i didn’t have you to be sucky with
i love you
forever and always

honestly it has gotten to the point where
if you pushed me
to the edge of the cliff i would
jump just to spite you

This change is not like the others because it is different in a bad way.
One day has gone by already.
I’m another person.
Confused by the blink of an eye,
The twitch of a smile.
No longer a change…

only when i laugh do i realize i’ve been dragging my heart on the ground

you never really cared about me,
i was there for show.
you looked at your trophy daughter
like “oh i’m such a good father”
i’m just sorry that it
took me so long
to catch on to what
was your plan all along
to use me and leave me
well you got your wish dad
now you’re gone