Hello me,

I'm you. I'm the older you after multiple suicide attempts, and lost in a haze of ***** and drugs.  I am also you who sought and searched for some meaning and belonging, only to find hypocrisy and pain.  But all that aside, I wanted to thank you for not giving up on life even though you wanted to.  Finally asking for help when you did, even though a part of you didn't care anymore.  Thank you for letting hope grow in you one day at a time.  Thank you for letting me love you, so I can love me today.  Life is pretty amazing today, and we would have missed out on this beautiful journey because we were so locked in our pain. Now, you and I can share our story of pain and suffering to help someone else.  We don't have to stay in a hopeless state of mind and body.  Thank you for having the courage to surrender and admit you couldn't do it alone anymore.  I love you very much.

Love,

I'm You

I rather sit in a coffee shop in a small town, and sip on my latte and look at the pretty people walking by.
I rather dance in the rain with my friends then hide out from one of the simplest pleasures of life.
I rather have a deep conversation with someone about life, death and the passion that lie with themselves.
I rather go to a little joint to see a up and coming band, because I know one day this band is going to make it big.
I rather get roses on random days, than get roses on the one day of the year that people actually care.
I rather sit in my room at 2 am in the morning burning candles and drinking tea and reminiscing on my life.
I rather be alone sometimes, and not be bothered.
I rather be well known for the poems I write, the books I publish, the opinions I produce, and the mind behind it all.
I rather have something to live for, something to give me a purpose to breathe air, I rather have that reason be myself, because what lies ahead of me is hope for a tomorrow.

I live so close to train tracks
It would be so easy
To just take a rest
And be rid of this world
I never asked for life
I've only begged for death
But what of the people
Whom I've crossed paths with
If I could only explain
The pain in my mind
Festering from birth
Consuming my life
Maybe they would be okay
Maybe I will be okay

Most days are fine
Or as okay as they can be
I don't care much
Or I just don't think at all

But some nights
When I'm alone
These thoughts come racing by
And the restlessness comes back

Like a reminder of old days
Of darkness and confusion
Sadness and then numbs
With a blade inside my palm

I don't know why
But I do know how
Like a blender in my stomach
And a noose around my heart

Like a race inside my head
That will never stop
And a swirl behind my eyes
Though I'll never cry

I guess I'll have to cope
And learn to just get by
My spirit is mile high
And my head is in the skies

The worst is over

I just wish I wasnt so lonely
I miss you
I love you
And I hope
We do come
Back to each other
Because I
Believe
We are
Meant to be

Its always "are you okay?"
And my response it always "yes."

I'm ok.
I'm so okay that it's pouring from my tear ducts
I'm so okay that its dripping from my wrists
I'm so very okay
That it hurts sometimes.
Thats what this feeling is,
I'm not empty or sad,
I'm not too full or mad,
I'm just okay.
I'm so okay.

I sit here and stress
About the highs and lows of tomorrow
If you will think of me or not
If i am important
If am important enough for effort
To choose me over something simple.
I choose you.
But who cares,
Your not "ready" to except love.
But i wasnt.
I broke.
But if you did-
That means more.
Because you are most important to you.
So if i back off
If im quiet
And if i leave
Its me protecting myself.
Its me trying to prevent a crack
Or a chip
Or a scratch
Because they all hurt the same.
But you dont care about the damage done to me.
So as i sit there
From the warm glow of the candles
I hope i dont wish for you.
Because you should of been there already.

'Feminism'
A word poisoned with stereotypes
A noun sprinkled with hate
A collection of letters looked at as a curse

We are taught at a very young age how society works
Where men and women stand
Men are meant to climb the social ladder to the highest point
While women 'stay in the kitchen'

A sentence thrown around like an old baseball
A constellation of words that has been whipped at women since the beginning of time
Have you ever been hit by a ball?
It stings
Guess what
So do those words

Susan B. Anthony fought long and hard to get women equal rights
Susan B. Anthony did not fight long and hard for women to be accused for wearing a skirt that is too short

Elizabeth Blackwell became a doctor to prove that women can  do any job a man can do
Elizabeth Blackwell did not become a doctor to get paid less than a man for doing the same job

Judy Chicago wrote a book on feminism to create a movement
Judy Chicago did not write a book on feminism to have feminists looked at like criminals

We do not belong in the kitchen
We belong exactly where men belong
Right next to them
Wherever they may be

We are not creatures
We are not servants
We are not your cat so please stop calling at us like we are one on the street

We are women
We are strong
We are brave
We feel
We hurt
Have you noticed that men are all those things too?
We are equals