there are twin
five finger scars
over our hearts
and on our wrists
from all the times
we tried to catch a grip.

life steeped our minds
up and down crevices.
dunked our heads
under freezing water
but never let us drown.

we are still connected.
a red string from your
pinky finger to mine.
the mirrored lines of the
five finger scars
over your heart
your wrists
and mine.

we no longer talk
about our sparing
matches with powdered
lines or one too many pills.
we fight our own battles now.

i still pray you don’t get killed.

i am losing my hands to razor blades again.
my demons wont stop clawing at the walls
of my heart shaped pandora’s box.

i am forcing laughter so hard that my ribs are sore.
and you are still so beautiful that it hurts to look.

oh what a pleasure to be
the cigarettes you keep on smoking,
i could creep inside you so softly.
baby could you sneak into me?
**** me quietly from the inside out

i am crying so hard that my eyes may bust out of my head.
you didn’t like it when i called my self abuse a
public display of affection for you.

did you rethink your “i love you more”?
were you embarrassed by the bruises
that my little fists left in your door?

i am always the one that loves more.

press my petals between pages of photo albums
you'll only visit every few years, trace my veins
tightly arranged into knots saying
"i was here"

keep me as a memento,
a thought you won't have
to go over more than once.

dust me off and hold me to your chest
throw me in the fire when everything has
passed, frame the better parts of me
as a way to remember the sweetest parts of the past

fall in love with the memory
of me.

you could calm a storm with your tongue*


i wanted to get your face just right with my words
but sometimes i was left speechless by the look
you got in your eyes and the sunlight that
poured through your lashes.
i think
beaches would push the ocean back just
to get that kinda warmth. just to get
that kinda light.
the kind that pours out from your eyes.
you see i tried to find the words to get
your face just right but the syllables were cheeky,
teasing me at every corner
when i thought i knew the best thing to say
to talk about your face.

I miss you like I miss ******* running through my veins.
Like I miss forgetting my head was attached to my body.
Like skipping out on dinner dates to run suicides,
like yeah I was sweating red and white down my nose.
Like I forgot to call you and tell you I had gotten clean.
I miss you like the way I miss falling in love with you again in my dreams.
Like waking up to realize you’re not there.
Like trying to wiggle my way into your heart
and say I’m sorry I burned you here.
Like wishing I could have you near again.
I miss you like withdrawals and headaches that turned me inside out.
Like remembering the Morse code pattern of your mouth.
Like writing you to sleep.
Like hearing you say you loved me.