a year ago
or so
you told me that no one was ever going to love me again
you looked at me and I believed you
you loved me
and love is honest.

i didn't know then
that abusers
take the birds
they love
and scramble to clip
their wings
and then ask them to fly

so
i clung to you because
you were all I was ever going to get
but-
that was
a bit more
than a year or so ago

It's far easier
to believe
that you never really loved me at all
than to drown in the fact
that I just couldn't
keep you
or maybe I just
didn't deserve you quite
like I had imagined

this gnawing
under my skin
to spend $400
on a one way
is driving me
nuts.

My heart
Doesn't belong in
My stomach
Carving out
A hollow place
An attempt
To hold myself
Together

Am I upset
At your disappointment?
Or just upset
At the way
It makes me feel?

Wishing
You were the
Tingle at the
Nape of my
Neck

i bought myself a necklace
the letter "M"
is gold
and strong

it got so tangled in the
baby hairs
at the base of
my neck

you cut it free
because I was
so lost in
you

And you said
It’s been a dream
While I’ve been awake
Counting stars on your ceiling
Memorizing each snore into
My neck
Full from food and
Peaceful cinema
You say it’s been a dream
And I’ve always been bad
At telling
The two apart

i could be a mirror
i could be a mountain
i could be trees above
a 45 foot fountain
i could be a time bomb
tick tick ticking and then
snap

i could be
anything you needed
and everything i'm not

There's a hole in
The roof
Of my house
Although
The hole isn't
Directly above my bed
It leaks
Into the second layer of roofing
And funnels itself
Right to where I lay my head

My room is
A puddle
And my heart is
Torn wide open
Because love doesn't look
Like lies
On grapevines
Whispering willows
That climb
Crawl past
Cranes
And crows in the sky
Blocking out the sun
Making night the only
Thing that shines

Love doesn't look
Like bruised bones
And paranoid telephones
love doesn't seem
Emotionally estranged and
So incredibly alone

It's lips
Are warm
And soft like home
the pretty
And the ugly
Are both grown
But love stays through
Winter snow

My room is
Puddles
And I feel so alone
But that doesn't mean
Your love lips
Will ever be home

For a moment
My skin fell off of my bones
And the
Warm water clutched by
Your fingertips flickering
Across my form
They send people
To rivers to wash
Away their sins
You sent me to the river
And accidentally
let a little piece
of me in
Locked away

But bare to my bones
For just a moment
It seemed that you're
All I would ever know.

and what a flower
you've picked
crushed beneath
imperfections of the human hand

every day
i roll over
onto your
sweat soaked
side
of the bed
and i
remember
you thrashing
around
kicking
whimpering
all night
and every day
i wonder
why

This morning
I woke up
I had three
cigarettes for breakfast
and I went back
to bed
crucified
by my comforter
my arms
really just anchors
but at
least I ate
breakfast.

You feel like someone who crosses the street when there are pages they didn’t need to see

you've
given me enough
love notes
that I could
fold an
army of
cranes

I've always been
stubborn as hell
just like you
and I know we don't
share blood
but we shared
christmas fires
and a fickle set of ****** tires
we made up
a home together
my dad
you and me
one two and
three

I'm stubborn as hell
just like you
and
I'm never going to
be able to get
how you looked at me
the last time I saw your face.

I want
thousands of
beautiful words
to tumble out of my
mouth
to take
your breath away
to show you
what it is
I'm feeling
but every time
my chest inflates
with the thought of you
I have no words
at all.

Slack jawed
and wilted like the bud that
bloomed too soon
hunch over into my knees
the room sweats
some sweet southern sadness -
the kind a mother makes
when she remembers
the way you used to
wrap your hole hand
around one of her fingers
and you'd smile a bit more
- my hands now cupped
so I can pour pieces
of myself out,
b r e a t h
then repeat

Slack jawed
and wilted like the one track
wonderer who has lost his thought
press my lips to the floor
when my white noise
sensitivities and speculative
perceptions become too
populated to
preserve
pour pieces,
b r e a t h
repeat.

Cigarettes are expensive
but I need a reason
to stand outside of parties
and avoid
interaction.

condensation makes
me heavy
but I'm lucky
to have known
the rain

sunlight sunburns
and bruised cheeks
can kiss
until
cracks form along
my skin

but I'm lucky to have
felt
light

I'm so
          so
              blessed
to
constantly
feel so

                                      h e a v y
                                                     &
                                                           l i g h t

Some
days all I want
is to be
the sun
that kisses
the freckles onto
your shoulders

Remember when we were sweet
Butter cream and gardenias
Not built to last in the
Atlanta south

he said he's just a man
with teeth tearing God's back
he's running on putrid plaque
fate can't control
a foriegn face
in any unknown
place

Old words
Like old songs are
Living old worlds
And still it seems
You can’t escape them

Right now
I feel like
I want to fall asleep
And never wake up

I want to write
A book of poems
But lately words have been
So scarce
However precise
And so painful

bipolar is
collecting
ten baskets of
fruit
and the next day
realizing that it
was never
quite ripe

It's funny
How whenever I
Tell someone about a
Trauma they
Always let me know
What I
SHOULD have
Done.

i miss cherry blossoms
and that time of the year
where life seems
to sprout from my ears
i miss waves

and most of all
i miss you

I want to
Throw seeds to the wind
And hope they land
S c a t t e r e d
Amongst your
Scars
I hope forests grow
Where there once
Was pain
And I hope the roots
Grow so thick
Writhing
living
Roots
I hope they grow so thick
That you'll never be touched again
And in under this thick canopy
I hope to hide
Save some safety

All I can
Hope
Is that
Soon
I'll be over
The edge

it's that time of year
where I always find myself
surprised by how much
sleep I actually need

Your hands
    cleaner
than my
sunday
shirt
and
I've collected
quite a bit
of dirt

I'm going to need
three more chimneys
and a lot of wood
to burn all of
the silver tongued
horse ****
that floats out of
your mouth

i like the way
your face creases
creep out from under
your glasses
around your eyes
when you smile

I told you once
I was tired
Of living in
Wreck & repair

Now I’m thinking
That’s mostly what everything is

I bit my nails down to the skin again

Loving you is like wanting to know the softness of an exceptionally beautiful cloud. One can only know its touch in the form of rain.

I never had            rose petals
placed in my head
or a *******
                         sappy romance
just concrete
bricks
scraping my back
every time your
body
tensed up and swayed
the thoughts
the dead leaves
left alone
to wash down
the drain or
sink into the Earth

I often wonder how
it would've been if
I had
tried to say no
instead of not saying
yes

Adopt my heart
Its been
passed
kicked around
has over 300 likes
Heart felt messages
about giving it
a forever home
a place to love
to be loved
a place safe
And dry
Let me be
the "crazy people lady"
you never used

we were emaciated; ruined  
much like the twisted silence at the foot of your bed
a hollow battle field where our hearts would lay
and in nooks of tangled legs and distraught blankets
our secrets would hide

then at night fall they would dissapate
into the cage we called a home,
to poison the atmosphere already swollen
with ambigious thoughts and supressed dreams
  
we wait for rain
and we wait for the sun
but never reach into the atmosphere

so like our secrets we lay dormant
in our monotonous routines
and our open eyed sleep

my arms feel heavy
like lead in my vein
from lust
loveless lasting
on my tongue
from far away
thoughts
I've tried to bury
beneath my bed
winding up
whispering around
my music box
head

Feeling your
Fleeting interactions
Freeing my
Foot path
From my heart to yours
Feeling your
Fleeing song birds
Fearing myself
Forgetting your words
Fighting my
Forseen
Future for
I have the world pressed to my palms

Lost in hands locked
Tightly coiled around my finger tip
Bent and broken
For something my lips should slip

Round and round
For better or worse feelings lost within
Numb and aching
Surely you won't let this fluorescent light win

Glasses for night
As your mind would fail to grow
Lost in love
And your name I don't even know

Lately when I drink
I drink at bars two miles
Away from my house
Four shots of whiskey and
I usually get sad and I
Walk home
And the other night
I did that
And caught wind
That was missing
Someone

I began to stumble
My way home
I usually try to look mean
And unapproachable
But still I hear
A "hey baby"
******* can't
See I'm crying
And I turn around
On fire and tell him
To *******
He tells me it's thanksgiving as if
That means ****
To me
And I barrel home
Thinking he doesn't
Know that I am
Just starting to notice
All the cracks in
The pavement
And the empty spaces
Where the honey combed
Brick used to lay
And I'm wishing
I hadn't felt so
Strange toward you

still
the night
she reaches through
hazy and taciturn
leaving me
with memories
of myself echoing
into her breath -
staggering into
the grip
of planned
obsolescence

Last night
You visited my dreams
You wrapped
Your fingers
Around my heart
And told me
That you really did Love me

I don't
Think I've ever
Been so upset
To open
My eyes

Skin to knife
Skin to knife
Skin to knife
Knife
To
Skin

condensation formed on your cheeks
and you told me you didn't want to hurt me

****** lower lip

you curled into my chest
and i held you

****** upper lip

i counted the waves in your ceiling
and watched how the shadows
cast seemed to ripple like

the ringing in my ear'

I couldn't look at you without smiling
my cheek ached
my emotions on shut down
and I was ******* smiling at you
with ****** lips

and you said you didn't want to hurt me