i’ve denied it for as long as i can
the day of green and gold when we met our demise
almost 5 months to the day
it’s irony at it’s finest, for i found anything but luck
i’ve refused it for as long as i can stand
there are some things i have no choice but to admit
the truth is unaffected by trivial time
much might not make sense, it is true
but this means not that the curious is unreal
almost 5 months to the day
i can count on one hand the tears i have shed
yet still tonight i let slip one more
though rarely i feel despondent
that too can sometimes slip
generally i have learned to feel like your presence,
well, like it brought my life hope
i know now the immensity i am capable of feeling
and will further refuse to settle
i have tried to replace your fleeting spot in my life
but have soon learned that this cannot be
yet i cannot help but hope, maybe, one day
one day i can find someone who can make me feel as you once did .
for i am ever searching .
i wonder what you would say, if you knew
how often you still cross my mind
how often i still write about you
it never seemed to phase you, that you were my muse .
you’re still so beautiful to me,
though no longer mine,
you are still my own, personal disaster .
i wish you nothing but happiness,
and i hope one day i shall find my own without you .
and here, i will say it, just one time,
i will finally admit what i refused to ever speak,
i loved you,
and you will take with you a piece of my heart.
willingly so, you changed my life.
thank you for the proof,
that someone like you exists,
and could ever find interest
in someone, not like me,
but in me.
for 3 months i felt more beautiful than ever in my life combined.
thank you.
an older piece, for Paul