She never moved
She never lived
She never existed.

She could have had the world.

The current brings me in safely
As I was drowning
And although I was deep
In the crystal clear water,
The waves coax me back to shore
Where you wait for me-
Arms wide open.

My feet touch the sand
And I run to you
Because you make me forget
About the past
About the high tide
That almost killed me.
And I am safe.

"Why don't you call?"
They ask,
Even though
Every time I do,
It's always something new.

I grew out of toxic behavior
I don't miss the screaming
And the emotional trauma.
She was always scheming.
And I believe in karma.

This life isn't easy.
I'd rather be alone.
But it's hard without-
A place to call home.

I remember the feeling.
Like I was getting rid
Of every foul thing inside me.
I would feel so-
Empty.
But at the time
It was better than feeling everything.
And sometimes I would just lay there
And I would cry.
I was so ashamed
Of my bathroom coping mechanisms.
Brush my teeth
So the acid wouldn't make them yellow.
Appearances seemed to be important.
Had to be thin,
Had to be empty.

I didn't realize then
That I was wasting away
That there was another way
To purge my feelings.
But I know now.
I know now.

You saved me.

I looked at the world around me,
I could see the future clearly,
So perfectly laid out.
I would be successful,
I wouldn't be alone.

I knew I had to jump,
Had to fall.
So I picked the deepest ocean I could find,
And I dove in
Thinking it would be easy to swim back up.

When I hit the rock bottom,
The last thing I saw-
Millions of people just like me,
Drowning and clawing towards the sky
For just one more feeling of life.

And even though we were together,
I had never felt more alone.

Is a poet still a poet
If they do not write?

A journal gathering dust,
But a yearning to write.
Am I still a poet
Without my inner light?

You're asleep.
And here I am laying in the dark,
I wonder to the world
How I became so lucky.

I have someone that understands me.
A partner,
A best friend,
A lover.

Your long eyelashes shade your eyes,
And your light breathing
Tells me you are at peace.
You wrapped your leg around me.

You woke up for a second.
You realized you weren't holding me,
And you adjusted
So I could slide into your embrace.

And now you're asleep.
Unaware to the words I am now writing.
You have become everything to me.
You are the before and after.

I never thought I would be this girl,
But I'm as cheesy as the rest of them-
Those in love.
Those with hope.