There is a certain solace in the rain.
Let it fall upon you and soak into your clothes
Let it seep into your flesh and bones.
Feel the chill spread across yourself.
That is the feeling of being alive
That is how you know you feel.
That is how you know you are alive.

They say that sometimes
holding on hurts more
than letting go.

I let you go
in hopes of my heart
becoming as okay
as yours when I'm
not with you.

It feels like my
shoulders are lighter
my smile is brighter
and I'm finally whole
again.

I've always had trouble sleeping.
It used to be because I'd stay up
every night
just to talk to you.

Now it's because it's cold
every night
without you warming my heart
and the tears don't seem to stop
without you there to wipe them away.

It has rained for the past few days. The clouds have hung low and water darkened my world. The cold seeped through my coats and the wind constantly attacked.

But today I saw the sun. The ground is drying up and the water is fading. The cold doesn't hurt as much and the wind is much softer.

As much as I love the rain, I feel like this is a new beginning for me. One where I get to see the light everyday. One where I am thankful to be alive.

And at the very end of it all
I will have decided
that everything was only ever you.

My love for you is growing
just like the flowers in bloom.

I've decided that there is nothing brighter in this world than you.

Sweet and soft your voice is
as it calms my aching heart

and as I lie awake
wondering how I was so lucky
as to have met you
in this lifetime
                                                                
I come to the conclusion
we were stars together
many years ago
                                                                          
and decided
that time was not enough

we were destined
to find our fingers interlocked
as our hearts pulled us
together.

What a feeling to want to say everything so sincerely that there'll never be another doubt again

And if the Greek myth about soulmates being two parts of one former person was to be true,

I would only know of it's verity in the way that we have so much in common that we must have been one at some point.

If I have ever been so sure of something
its's that I have loved you
in every lifetime I've lived
and every lifetime I have yet to.

I cut my hair short.
I feel like with the hair,
I've left behind the old me.
I'm just one more step closer to
finally accepting myself.

Sometimes I find it hard to live. Whether it be at school, where stress and pressure hit just the right buttons to **** me off. Or at 2 am when everything seems so distant.

Sometimes I find it hard to smile. Whether it be with my friends on a weekend, where joked flutter in the air. Or at 11 pm when a face time call sparks joy.

Sometimes I find it hard to laugh. Whether it be in a parking lot witnessing a homeless man by himself crying. Or at 4 pm when the world gets cold and horrid.

Sometimes I find it hard to stay happy. Whether it be with my family at supper on a Friday afternoon.  Or at 1 am when I'm by myself and hatred consumes my sleep.

Sometimes I find it hard to be strong. Whether it be when everything hurts and I want to give up. Or at 7 pm when everything freezes and everything hurts.

Sometimes you have to persevere. And so I will.

Before I met you, my world was
black and white
boring and uneventful
tiring and much too long.

Before I met you, my soul was
dark and gloomy
deteriorated and torn
hopeless and lost.

Before I met you, my heart was
broken and in pieces
misused and contorted
distressed and not trusting.

But now that you're here,
my world is thrilling and colorful
my soul is hopeful and bright
and
my heart is loving and whole.

I miss out late night talks
where the only thing that
mattered was the echoes
of our laughter.

In my dreams I am transported to a different world
A flower field bathed in golden light as the sun decides to go to sleep.
And in this world I meet her. She’s just a fragment now.
Slowly been carried away by the wind. Nothing more than a mere shadow.
I sit with her and hold her hand. She asks me to stay with her
She doesn’t want to go away. I trace her fingers which are so much smaller than mine
The gold has now faded into the night as she decides to go to sleep.
This will be the last time I meet her.
I can no longer hold her hand. Yet I ask her to stay with her.
I don’t want her to go away. Her voice is soft and kind, bringing warmth that I'll never feel again.
I look across her big bright eyes and I see myself in them and then
I am back home.

You talked about him
with your heart melting
into your words.

You looked at him
with stars shining and
twinkling in your eyes.

Now you talk about him
with disgust and a
sudden hatred.

And your eyes no longer
twinkle, but leak the tears
of what was not meant to be.

I can't listen to music anymore while I study.
My thoughts are loud enough on their own.

And I let them consume me.
Bite away until I'm nothing more than those very thoughts
leaking out of my head.

We are something out of a storybook
A hastily written plot to keep the reader's attention
A love story to wring out their hearts
Honey, it was written in the stars
That we would never be
We are destined to burn out thousands of years
before we even saw each other

But oh, my dear, it's like the entire world feels right
Whenever I see you
You are every melody I’ve ever heard
And every hope i've ever held
You feel like stargazing and sunsets
If I have ever been so sure of something
Its that I have loved you in every lifetime I’ve lived
And every lifetime I have yet to

We may not be here tomorrow morning
We might be dragged away by the turn of the page
But you gave me twice as many stars as usual
And for the short time we were under them
We spent our whole lives with each other

Oh what a feeling to miss someone who isn't even gone

I wish people could see the world the way I see it. It is filled with darkness and violence, as well as monsters and scary things. But very few people are the light in our world. Very few see the world as I do, a wonderful place filled with happiness even in the smallest things, filled with peace even in the smallest places. As well as good people and beautiful sights.

I wished we could all be filled with light, until I realized we all are born with light in us, but sometimes people let the darkness cover it up. And for a moment while viewing such beauty in the world, viewing happiness in children and families and friends, and in viewing the very own light within me.

I realized it wasn't people covering their own light. The broken and the lost are only people who have seen other people's darkness and decided to take it upon themselves.

No one truly looses their light, they just give it to others who's darkness outgrew the good.

You are made of love
Even if the world has not been kind to you
Please know that the stars shine just for you
I know the world is good
Because you are here.

You are made of love
and I hope that one day
Someone will show you
just how easy you are to love.

Silence
is
the
space
between
what
is,
and
what
could
be.

I have spent my whole life
believing
that I would never find love.

I have spent my whole life
resigned
to a fate I created in my own mind.

But

I've decided to spend the time I have now
trying
to realize that I'll find love someday.

I've decided to spend the time I have now
learning
that the first step is finding love in myself.

You make me want to try.

I have always loved Vincent Van Gogh and his art.

Whenever I gazed upon those vivid colors as a child,
my imagination would paint me my own pictures
of dancing on golden stars and ambling through flower fields of bleeding hues.

Now when I look at them, I picture the tragedy of a man who loved the world in a way that was much too complex for us to understand.

Was there ever a time, Vincent, where you truly  felt whole?
Or were you always desperate to find peace?

I often find myself wondering
if there's anyone else who sees life the way I do

If there's someone out there
somewhere
who silently caresses the edges of memories with their fingertips

Hoping to leave imprints of their soul on them
if even for a fleeting moment

Someone looking for a way to say
I was here

You may not have heard me
You may not remember my face

But I'll carry you always
I was here