I have spent my whole life
believing
that I would never find love.

I have spent my whole life
resigned
to a fate I created in my own mind.

But

I've decided to spend the time I have now
trying
to realize that I'll find love someday.

I've decided to spend the time I have now
learning
that the first step is finding love in myself.

You make me want to try.

I have always loved Vincent Van Gogh and his art.

Whenever I gazed upon those vivid colors as a child,
my imagination would paint me my own pictures
of dancing on golden stars and ambling through flower fields of bleeding hues.

Now when I look at them, I picture the tragedy of a man who loved the world in a way that was much too complex for us to understand.

Was there ever a time, Vincent, where you truly  felt whole?
Or were you always desperate to find peace?

Sometimes I find
that my hands are too small

they cannot hold the world
the way the moon holds the tide.

Sometimes I find
my legs are too short

they cannot decide where to go
the way roots decide to reach and live.

And while I feel these things
lend themselves so my downfall,
I am proud that sometimes

I find my heart is too big

a beating in my ribs
that echos above all sense of reason.

And

sometimes I wonder if that beat
is enough to tell the world
I was here.

I have never been good
at being someone people would choose
in a crowded room.

I am the smell of rain
and the ticking of a clock.

I am a slight breeze
and a fleeting glance through a window.

I have never been good
at sticking around
long enough to know I am worth
being stuck with.

You can find us
etched into walls
and growing
from cracks in sidewalks

In the way we say
"good morning"
and the way we say
"goodbye"

We were always here
and here we stay

Even though we may one day
burn out in one big blast of light
I hope those who come after
will see our love from millions of miles away
as vast, bright, and infinite.

Sometimes I feel
i'd give you the world
if only you'd ask.

No star in the sky could
in their best efforts
evade my hands that stretch
as far as Eden for you.

From the beginning
until doomsday hails, forever
on and on my love will wrap us
in the warmth of home.