Maytin Paige

Maytin Paige Jan 2014

I ride
up,
up,
up.
My nail picks at the
peeling paint.
The sun beats down upon me.
Forming beads of sweat on my neck.
The cart comes
to a jerking stop
at the top.
I close my eyes
when we start moving again.
The wind blows against my burnt face.
I breathe in
the sweet smell of
hot dogs
and hamburgers
and cotton candy
as they fill my nostrils.
I wish to be young again.
Young. Innocent.
On this Ferris Wheel.
Because growing old,
it just ain't right.
On this Ferris Wheel,
I forget that I was upset.
I forget that I am growing old.
I feel young again,
on this Ferris Wheel.

Maytin Paige Jan 2014

Battlefield

Emotions wash over me.
You know
I'd never want to hurt you.
I never meant to start a war.
We refuse to swallow our pride.
We're going to lose everything we have
if one doesn't surrender.
We go from love to a battlefield
in under .02
One word.
It's always the smallest the things
that tear us down.
I'm standing here without my shield.
Neither of us want to raise our flag.
My hands seem to be tied behind my back.
Guess you better go
get your armor.
I don't even know what we're fighting for.
Why can't we pretend to be friends?
Then everything will be alright.
I don't this to be a battlefield.
Sooner or latter,
I'm going to swallow my pride
and raise that flag.
I never meant it.
I never wanted to start a war.
I never meant to hurt you.
Because, baby, I don't want this to be a battlefield.

Maytin Paige Dec 2013

To Be Superman

You know,
I've realized
that you don't need
to fly
to be Superman.
You don't need to be strong
to be Superman.
You don't have to be fast
to be Superman.
You don't have to have super vision,
super hearing,
super intelligence,
or super breath
to be Superman.
We all have a weakness,
yours is said to be
Kryptonite.
You don't have to have super powers
to be Superman.
You don't have to wear an S on your chest,
to be Superman.
People don't have to know you
to be Superman.
To be Superman,
you just have to fight for what you love.

Maytin Paige Dec 2013

I Care More Than You Think

My phone rang,
and without a thought
or glance at the screen
I picked up with a
Yeah?
I know I said I'd never do this, but I wanna talk...
I straightened in my chair.
Of course, what's going on?
I let my out breath
that I had been holding in.
I'm thinking about it...I'm thinking about hurting myself
I took a few more chews of my gum.
You don't have to.
I know. That's why I'm calling.
I continue to subconsciously tap my pen on my notepad.
Do you remember what I told you when you first mentioned this to me?
He clears his throat and it rumbles through the phone.
No.
I told you that people care.
There's a pregnant pause.
Do they really though?
Yes, depending on who you're thinking of.
He stays silent.
What are you doing?
I try to calm him down.
Talking to you.
Thanks Captain Obvious.
He laughs.
You're welcome Sergeant Sarcasm.
A laugh escapes my mouth.
Can I ask you a question?
What?
Why? Why do you want to?
He's silent and I can see him staring off, searching for the answer himself.
Because I'm not good enough.
Of course you are, babe.
He pauses.
Did you just call me babe?
I gnaw on the inside of my cheek.
I did....Can I ask you another question?
Without a response, I ask anyway.
What do you want?
I capture my top lip between my teeth and tongue, pinching it in.
The truth?
The truth.
I honestly don't know.
A small smile turns the corners of my lips up.
You have plenty of time to figure it out.
True.
Why did you decide to call me?
I want to hear his answer.
You know, I said that I'd never call you, especially for this.
I was afraid I'd scare you.
And I don't want to scare you.
Not much scares me. I just worry.
Well, scaring or worrying, I don't want to bother you
with my problems.
I just felt I should. See how I'd feel.
You can always come to me, you should know this by now. And how do you feel?
Like we're kids again. I miss being innocent.
Me too, but there's nothing we can do to change it.
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Anytime. I'm always here.
He tells me goodnight and hangs up.
I hope that I made him change his mind.
I hope he feels comfortable enough to call me
whenever he needs me.
Because he's there,
when I need him.
He just seems
to forget,
that I've
always been here
to do the same.

Maytin Paige Dec 2013

Losing Yourself

He tangles his fingers in with mine. The clouds above shifted.
                   Do you love me?
I play with his fingers. Stretching them out, comparing his to mine. I bite a thin layer of skin inside my cheek.
                    No. I don't.
He looks away and sighs at the slate blue sky.
                                                        ~~~~
I rub my hands on the back of my thighs, trying to calm down. What had I done?
He stands in line at Sbarro. Only I would run into him here. I lood around the food court, trying to find someone else to focus on. It'd been almost two months and I was the one falling apart. I stand to leave, failing on trying to find someone.
I push in my chair and try to walk out the door casually, but he ends up in front of me. He passed me as if I was a stranger, but we both knew I wasn't. We both knew that he saw me.
Before I can stop myself and head to my truck, I call out his name. He turns and looks at me without saying anything. I stare, unable to speak now. He turns back, going to his car.
I follow. Just as he sets his sack and cup on the roof, I yell out.
                   I was lying to myself!
He looks up at me.
                 What?
I rub my lips together.
                  When I said I didn't love you, I didn't mean it. I was lying to myself. I've lost a part of me. Now I have no one to lean on to when things are tough. No one to talk to until the sun comes up. There's no one to take your place!
He looks away and clears his throat before facing me again.
                  I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about you. I can't hear your voice, I can't touch your lips, I can't have you lying by my side. I was stupid, I was foolish, I was lying to myself.
He rounds the car to me. His breath is warm on my face.
                It's a little too late now.
I swallow the lump in my throat.
                  I'm just trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong.
A small smile, turns his lips up.
                You lied to yourself.
He kisses my forehead before leaving me standing in the winter air.

Maytin Paige Dec 2013

Smoke & Leaves

I wanna call him up on a cold September day
ask him to meet me at the swings,
Walk a block to every little kid's dream
the playground.
The one behind their rebuilt elementary school.
I lightly swing to and fro
watch as he pulls in and parks before a concrete bar.
Watch as he climbs out and
makes his way over to me.
To the swings.
Keys around his *******.
He looks up
meeting my eyes.
He watches as I slightly swing back and forth,
An arm hooks around the metal chain of the swing next to me.
His toes keep to the ground,
rocking his swing.
My legs swim in the autumn air as I'm pushed forward.
I get a chill as the cool air
bites into my skin
covered by a light jacket.
The smell of smoke,
burning leaves,
fills the air.
He doesn't understand
how he's all I ever wanted.

Maytin Paige Dec 2013

2:19 am

I stare at the clock
waiting for the glowing numbers to change.
I groan,
wondering why I'm awake.
But I know
that my mind has latched onto you.
Thinking of everything.
The look in your eyes when you say something meaningful.
The way they light up around kids
and when you talk of
your passions.
The way they focus when you stare off.
The way you smile.
How your lips turn up into a smirk.
The way your deep voice rumbles in your throat,
migrating from your chest.
The way you laugh.
The way you stretch out.
The way you walk,
hips swaying,
shoulders sagged,
as you glide around on the ***** of your feet.
The way I see a glimpse of heaven in your eyes,
I wonder why you're awake
at 2:19am.
But I remain silent
like the night surrounding our beds.
I want to ask you why you are awake on a night where you should be asleep
in your bed.
But that would lead you
to ask me
why I am awake at 2:19am on a night that I should be asleep.
And I wouldn't be able to tell you
that I am awake at 2:19am
thinking about you.