how can i smile
when i was only taught
how to cry.

how can i breathe
when i just want to die.

how can i live a life
that terrifies me to,
when there is already
fear
lodged deep into my brain.

how am i supposed to care
when im swinging side to side.
from the tight grasp of rope
around my neck.

how can i laugh
when my screams
are suppressed by the water
invading my lungs.

how can i love
when i have loved before,
but resulted in me
uncapped the bottle
and finding salvation
in capsules of death.

if we are like a ride at the amusement park
-in for the fun & seems like it would be worth our time-
...i want to get off.

im sick to my stomach.
im not enjoying myself.
everyone is enjoying the ride without me.
my head wont stop hurting.
i cant stop crying out of fear & pain.
i cant take the ups and downs anymore.

all i want to do is get off & walk away.

shut down the park.

its closing time.

you can return anytime you like.

but for me...

im never coming back.

i'd say im sorry, but i'm not.
i'd say i care, but i don't.
i'd say im fine, but that's a lie.
i'd say "i hate this, i want to die", and mean it.
i'd say i'll stop, but it's an addiction.
i'd believe your lies of things getting better, but we both know
i'll be long gone before that happens.
i'll say 'tonight, i will finally do it', but none of you will believe me,
later find out i committed.
guess its too late to make amends for that last mishap.

lets run away.
lets go far away.
lets get out of here,
and never come back.
lets leave this town,
and say goodbye.
to all of those who put us
in this misery.
you know you want to.
i know you won't say no.
i know you want to leave everything behind.
i want you to come away with me.
i want you to be with me.
i want you to smile because of me.
i want to see you smile
i want you to run away with me.
so will you?

she was young
she was innocent
she had the world on her shoulders
she saw the world slip right before her
as she fell farther &farther; down
she fell downwards, with nothing to stop her from falling.
so she kept on falling
and falling
and falling
until she could fall no more
and hit the bottom.
she was never found or heard of again.
because poor alice fell down the rabbit hole.
the rabbit hole had no ledges
to catch herself on
so she fell
and fell
and fell
to her death.

just like fall out boy says,
thanks for the memories.
but after it all, f* you. why?
oh so many things.
but the biggest one of all.
you know i have mental issues
and that i can't do it on my own.
when i turn to you,
you f** turn me away
and tell me to look for
someone else's
shoulder to cry on.
when i wanted to lean on yours
in the first place.
so,
just like fall out boy says,
thanks for the memories.
but like i always say,
f** you.

run fast.
run far.
run past.  
run til you crash.
run til there's pain.
run til it rains.
run away.
run to the sunset.
run into the next day.
run in the dark.
run at night.
dont stop
because of fear and fright.
run til you're lost.
run til you're found.
run til forever.
no matter what,
dont stop running.
never.
just run forever.

you always hear
about the bullies at school,
but what about the bullies
at home
and
the ones
in our minds?

when i jump,
you dont make me want to die,
you make me want to fly.

to be honest,
i couldn't tell you.
because, you see,
what i think is right,
you think is wrong.
so, really,
everything that is seen
as wrong with me,
i wont be able to tell you.
because you never asked me,
"what is right with you?"

there is a girl
i used to know
i loved her,
even though
she died a long time ago.

her name was Charlotte,
charlie for short.
she had my feelings
all out of sorts.

when i first met her,
i didnt know
that she was dying,
just very slow.

but then she told me
and my heart started to break.
so i became everything she wanted to be.

we wrote a list
of everything charlie would do
and i promised it all would come true.

the things we would do and be,
i promised her
we would do it together, together we would see.