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maxx lopez Aug 2013
hold my hand,
and i'll hold yours.
listen to all
of the doors
as they close
and never open for us again
they dont understand
why i hold your hand.
not just because i love you
but because
there are so few
that truly knew
what you've been through.
i hold your fingers
tightly,
while your eyes linger
above me.
you watch as i admire
you dont realize
your look; i'd never tire.
but there is one thing.
and one thing only.
you see the beauty in me,
while i see the beauty in you.
but you still arent happy.
you still cant see
how beautiful you are
to me.
perfect eyes of blue.
even the way you chew.
your smile so bright.
the way squirrels
give you a fright.
your early morning hair.
the way you
are so unaware
of the way you hum
when you strum
your guitar.
what a musician you've become.
your one bright green bow tie.
and how you hate goodbyes.
your arms,
so gentle & inviting
are things i think about
when i'm writing.
so if i cant find the beauty in you,
why cant you do the same too?
i want you to heal.
i want you to recover.
i want just you and me
to discover the beauty in each other.
when you cry and say you want to die,
i dont scream,
i dont panic,
i hold you close
and tell you i love you
the most.
i say, "you are more beautiful
then you know.
so please,please, dont go."
a kiss goodnight
that promises
both he and i
will see the morning light.
maxx lopez Aug 2013
babe, you are like a nightmare.
you're always there.
you always give me a thrill
you always wander in my dreams
you set my world on fire
you remind me that reality is frightening.
you tell me things that no one else will say.
you never let me forget there is good and bad in this world.
you keep me up, but in the very best ways.
i always dream of you when i sleep.
youre sure to keep me guessing
babe, you are my nightmare
thank god i'm in love with the darker side of life.
maxx lopez Aug 2013
you can be the horizon, and i'll be the sunset.
you can be the ocean, and i'll be the sailboat.
you can be the trophy, and i'll be the first place winner.
you can be the road, and i'll be the skateboard.
you can be the earth, and i'll be the humanity.
you can be the cause, and i'll be the demonstration.
you can be the sunlight, and i'll be the flowers.
you can be the amazon, and i'll be the explorer.
you can be the faith, and i'll be the believer.
you can be the sleep, and i'll be the dreams.
because wherever you go, i'll always be
sitting next to you, you'll always see me.
maxx lopez Aug 2013
it's a rush
a waterfall
a downpour
a high
a trance
a state
a flood
a thunderstorm
a tsunami
a crashing wave
a shot of etquila
a head on collision
an epiphany
an overflow
a push
a flow of dopamine
a surge of adrenaline
a stream of serotonin
a swell
an outpour
a cascade
a discharge
a force
an avalanche
a rapid
a torrent
a fountain
a current
a deluge
an inundation
a niagara.
its all of these things.
to make one feel
the sensation of what
feels like kssing
-but what is not lips-
against my skin.
the sensation of what
it's luring edge
gives off.
it's all of these things,
that i have horrifically grown to love.

its the kiss of death.
maxx lopez Aug 2013
is what you want to ask me.
i cut for my mother who hurt me.
i cut for my father who hit me.
i cut for the boy who called me fat.
i cut for the boys who laughed at my wrist.
i cut for the girl who left me behind.
i cut for the girl who twisted my words.
i cut for the mentors who brought me back down.
i cut for myself who never found the courage within me.
but the reason i hate you as much as i do
is because i cut for you.
before and after.
before, as in the time were then.
after, as in the time we are now.
before and after,
since you were the one who set my demons free.
you were the one who let them out of their cage,
and let them road around within me.
and you stood back,
and watched,
and admired,
and smiled,
and saw
me suffer
from what you have done to me.
maxx lopez Aug 2013
i stay up at night
wondering what its like
to fall asleep soundly
and with ease.
to not be kept up
by the daily regrets,
by the incessant questions,
by the ongoing chatter
that is turned on loud
in my head.
there is ruckus,
there is commotion,
there is bedlam
and even a rebellion.
riot, turbulence, uproar, uprising etc.
but cant you see
that all of this is going on in
the battle grounds of my mind.
and all at the late hours of the night.
sleep is not an option,
sleep is never an option.
not for an insomniac like me.
sleep with an insomniac,
see how it feels to watch them
suffer nights on end.
unable to escape the daytime demons,
because they are releasing
the night time one's as well.
my name is maxx
and i am an insomniac.
maxx lopez Aug 2013
there's a stinging.
a stringing sensation on my skin.
i can feel the pins
little pins knocking against my skin.
the skin that covers my arm.
not just any arm,
but the arm that i always harm.
my left harmed arm.
my left harmed arm is feeling pins in my skin
there is that urge
the urge is back
knocking against my skin
my blade is here.
tonight,
i have no fears.
should i respond to the knocking pins
on my skins?
or should i fight
to ignore
and pretend to enjoy my night.
fight or flight.
fight; shy away from the urge to cut.
flight; run to the razor and let sanity slip.
fight or flight.
flight or fight.
sometime tonight,
to fight or flight.
to live or die.
sometime tonight.
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