times are tough
the pathway we walk is rough.
the sun is setting.
and there is no telling
if we'll ever see the shine again.

but at least you are still there
i can always feel you care
even tho i let my own head
leave me crying and feeling like im dead.

and i know you care.
the pain you, yourself, feel
the pain is something you and i share.
we scream and scream and scream.
and hope that one day, we live our dream
to be rid of the demons
running rampid in our minds
we run and run and run,
in hope that terror never finds.

so my dear,
i wrote this poem for you.
because you and i share the same fear.
a fear so deep & frightening,
our thoughts strike like bolts of lightning.

this poem is about understanding.
and that is what i hold for you,
since you are just like me.
your head is cold, heavy and blue.
through we may not be at the same place,
dont forget our monsters nearly have the same face.

you are special, my love
and to believe that in yourself, is hard to do.
just like a bird, your heart is caged.
take the caged dove,
set it by the window sill
let it follow its own will
and let it fly free,
trust me when i say i know how you hurt,
you are just like me.

searching, looking, chasing, waiting.
where has she gone?
i havent seen her in so long.
where did she go
i love her, does she know?

she carries a yellow umbrella
have you seen her before?
each passing day,
i miss her more, and more.

she walks beautiful & tall,
walking against the rain.
but each day i miss my chance,
the only thing i feel is pain.

her yellow umbrella, beautiful and bright
i wish i could see it through this rain storm,
to guide me with its light.
watch as the image of you forms.

you stand on the street
with your head held high
your yellow rain shield is a treat
to protect you from the crying sky.

i've been searching
i was looking
i am chasing
i'm still waiting

she carries a yellow umbrella
have you seen her before
each passing day,
i miss her more and more.

where did she go?
i love her, does she know?

the walls
how they stand so strong and tall.
but piece by piece, they begin to crumble and fall.

the pile on the ground
individually not making a sound.
but as the pile grows
everything becomes exposed.

my troubles, my worries,
my fears, they scurry.
running quickly in my mind.

the more they run,
the more everything becomes undone.
you can't run & hide.
my anxiety will find me,
and make me feel as if i've died.

though i know that feeling well.
death lurking its ugly head,
leaving me to swell,
the fear i feel
its inevitable to happen,
for my heart to be out to steal.

leaving me with nothing of my own.
so i must protect myself
by wielding a heart of stone.

these worries i hold,
they are reflexive, they are outgoing,
they are quick, they are bold.

the bolder they grow,
the more they show.
and my worries turn into problems,
which turn into trouble,
which end in chaos.

the walls,
how they stand so strong and tall.
but piece by piece,
they begin to crumble and fall.

dont lie to me.
no more of that.
quit lying to me
saying how much better i'll be.

stop lying to my face.
please stop creating distance.
please dont make such space
between the truth and lie
that i'll be okay and should try.

its not a game.
stop lying, stop cheating.
dont hand me the blame
when you say 'it gets better'
you lie, you cheat, you are a shame.

how do i know
you are telling the truth?
before it gets better,
what if i've fallen off the roof?

dont tell me this lie,
i dont want to play your game.
all i think is, " i want to die."
and when im dead, all will finally respect my name.

can you hear us?
a little soft now.
i know you can hear me,
and everything we discuss.

no, don't try to ignore us now,
it's no use, we're in your head
you must accept and do nothing but allow

say hello my dear, we are here to stay.
welcome us into the depths of your mind.
we promise to keep the good thoughts at bay.
once we're done here, there'll be nothing left to find.

quickly, run.
run before we eat you alive.
but what are you running from?
you might accidentally run into our knives.

loudly, scream.
scream all you want.
but no one will hear you as we haunt.

smart move, telling others your problems.
but deep down you believe
that you are just curious
and rather watch you bleed.

unfortunately my dear, this is not a dream.
your insanity is being secured at the seam.

there is no way out
you cant run away from whats in your head.
we will mute your scream is you try to shout.

your time is coming to a close
let the voice get the best of you
let us say they all hate you, which you already knew.
there is nothing else you can do.

nothing but place the barrel next to your head.
down each gel capsule until you are dead.
throw yourself under the water
slash your wrist so it looks like manslaughter.
inch towards closer to the edge of the ledge.
jump before they have enough time to wedge,
wedge that one final heartbreaking insult.
and for the last time, the voices saying, "its all your fault."