matt r

matt r Jun 30

I find Myself
  in Him, in the
    way I say
   "I like this."
I find Myself
         becoming
like the lapping
yearsome waves.

He is someone
    it's worth being,
My always there,
  My mate.
                   & I
listen to His music
  & tap the way He
    always has.

it is something
    to find some
white on me; the
   firstly sign
of aging.       it is
something else
    to be Him,My
old man is here.

Jun 30

sonja benskin mesher

.you asked me to explain.

it is said i write abstract, in time to save

your feelings. you asked me to explain,

i did so lightly. the other said no one else

dare ask.

i tell you it is a full and complicated story

that may upset.

i wrote it quickly using shape,colour,

metaphor and symbol.

was loathe to read it for i may cry.

you wish a pretty picture yet i cannot

make it.

i thank you for asking, where others

do not read.

the writing circled

matt r Jun 24

utopia

where,honey &lemon
  is replacing the
flowersome air,where
the sea is not half
   as sugary as

all the little somethings
       (I want all the
  little somethings)
,but nothing & nothing
   is what I,ve found.

is relief grown
in riverbeds,where   is
  content & her litter
of reminders that,'every
thing    will be   okay?

one of My
       little somethings
,to Me,       shows I am
okay, on board&sailing
           for utopia.

matt r Jun 17

what it might be is not love

,a friend told me. she was
in love once, & since felt
the knife slide right through
her. so love is just a stomach
ache, then. love is the uneat
-ing unsleeping thing inside.
love is magic, it is so much
like pixie dust; try & hold it

,i told her. feel its ridges
& folded edges. feel its
amorphous underbelly & tell
it that it doesn't hurt like
you. tell me you see purple
in a deeper hue, and that
blanket weight on your collar
bones is heavier than mine.

i'd love for it to be not love.
i'd love to have an hour of
eating & sleeping where i am
not imagining sharing it with
You. do You think of me, too?
what it might be is not love,
what it might be is a stomach
ache, what it might be is over

soon, what it might be is never.

matt r Jun 13

i finally saw two magpies

i finally saw two magpies
for the first time
                   since february
(they were resting on
                         a signpost
then, it was valentine's day)

i wrote 'happy valentine's j x'
     & imagined you florid
(it was calflove&sweet
       & it only grew stronger)

letters, dried flowers, poems
          i wrote for You
(We were kizmit,to be,
           i always wanted You)

i gave You everything i had
   ,all but kissing sense,
(i wish i did, your lips
    were all love ever meant)

i finally saw two magpies
  You have a love, i don't,
but i have finally seen joy
        & You will see me float

matt r Jun 13

radio heart

yesterday My pin fell off,
        'radio heart'
it said,so yellow&bubbly.

I said it was a sign, I said
  My universe
is spinning me out&out into

a waltz & I cannot keep up.
     the music,
it's all a little too loud

& You move a little too fast,
             My dear.
You move a little too swift

& collapse into a twirling
     eidolon, falling
right through My fingers.

more on amor fati, kinda. the other side of the coin.

matt r Jun 12

amor fati

(this love of fate is true)

You, My chimera, were
          so woven into
      this rippling fabric
I wore as a man
  in love

& fate, She is more
than haute couture; She
   is a pair of jeans worn
,torn & patched up well.
         She is timeless in

living&walking, knowing
   I gave it all       to You.
My kizmit,   You gave Me
new    heartache, which
       I will plant, & reap

                            amor fati.

i've written a lot about love and fate. to me, they are two of life's surest things. they are everywhere & they are sweet. growth, another sure thing, is hard, but it's through growth that i have learned that i love You.

amor fati is a double-edged sword, though, so let love, fate & growth teach me that, although i love You, You are not mine to love. & that is okay.