In last night’s episode, a feeling washed over me

Lonely and alone, I broke down

And within those few moments of emotional inertia

I wept for everything and everyone;

For Prince and Bowie and all the others

For the planet

For my loved ones

and all of their problems I can’t solve

But not for myself, I wouldn’t allow it

I deny myself everything I need;

A person to love and be loved by

A shoulder to cry on

Permission to be weak

Help when it’s needed

A part of me died

and I reflected on how trivial it is

always making things difficult for yourself

Questioned why my life is so hard

As if it’s all some joke everyone is in on

They’re laughing and rooting against me

while I fall back down each time I get back up

Does anyone understand what it’s like in my shoes?

How can they when I don’t let anyone in?

Hell, I don’t even understand my own weary soul

So star crossed and aimless

and pulled in every direction

Searching….searching….unable to find solace

Looking for home in people and places and things

Put a noose around my heart,

hung it for all to see

There is no love for one so smart and strong

There is no place for one so resistant to belong

There is no hope, or so it seems

Impatiently waiting for someone to prove me wrong

To cut these ties

To free me from myself

To make me feel alive

Because **** it, I’m just like a beautiful flower

I thrive in the right environment

I will flourish and bloom

and grow into the best version of myself

Stable, no insecurity

My fruits will nurture you in return

I will love you like you’ve never been loved before

Baby, the brightest diamonds and pearls are made over time

The future’s gonna be good to me

Chin up, buttercup -

with death comes new life

WHEN YOU HAVE POETRY BUT YOU'RE FREAKING TYPING IT AND YOU HIT UNDO ON ACCIDENT AND IT JUST DISAPPEARS AND YOU'RE SITTING THERE LIKE "WHAT WERE/WHERE ARE MY WORDS" AND I JUST CANT UGH NO

Hearts break,
Failures occur,
Tears flow,
Pains pain,
But life moves on regardless,
Rivers continue to flow,
Flowers continue to bloom,
The sun still shines;
In nature lies hope..
Nature doesn't stop,
Never..
Whatever state your heart may be in,
Always remember that recovery will take place if you let it,
If you let go of the knife edge you're holding onto,
If you decide you deserve joy and peace,
And decide to move on.
No matter what happens,life moves on.
The sun still rises and sets,
And time keeps moving,
Tomorrow won't be today in rewind.
So move on.
Because you deserve to live.

I realized that I love him one random night

We were lying in his bed
my arm wrapped around him
as his hand held mine tightly
I could hear him breathing
I was almost asleep
when the words came out of my mouth in a whisper
"I love you Christopher"
I felt my heart pace
I was sure I was about to have an anxiety attack
until I whispered the words again
"I love you Christopher"
All of the fears that once prevented me
from living the life I wanted suddenly disappeared
All of my insecurities were now burning
in a pit of fire
All of my anxiety melted away
The walls I had built around myself fell down
The chains I wore around my emotional state of mine
just broke free
I began to breathe in air that was just new to me
It was shocking
but exhilarating all at once
I asked myself "Is this real?
Am I really feeling this way?
Do I really love this man?"

I do love him
It sounds so cliche but it's true
Looking at him is like watching a beautiful sunset
at the end of a Summer day
Kissing him is like watching fireworks
on New Years Eve
Holding his hand is like that first sip of coffee in the morning
Hearing him laugh is like running through an endless field of roses
It's beautiful
He is beautiful
The way he makes me feel is so intense
I am convinced it might **** me
Yet I want to feel
I want to feel everything this man causes me to feel
I want to embrace every emotion
I want to soak it all in
I want to breathe it
Sing it
Live it
Allow it to change my life
and brighten up my world
He has renewed my belief in love
he has taught me that I am worthy of love
he has me seeing things from a different perspective

Christopher I love you
I know it may be too soon to hear those words
I would freak out if you spoke those words back to me
but I do love you
I have loved you for a long while
I was too frightened to let myself it

I feel time move around us
as I lie waiting in the dark room;
anticipating the moment
when the dust settles on your pillows
and you descend upon me.

Crazy thoughts
Mad dreams
Have I lost
My mind
Is my heart
Just a fool
How can
These feelings
Come so
Quick
Dreaming
Daily
Nightly
Can't stop
Just smile
I've gone mad
It has to be
No sane mans
Heart
Could feel
Such joy
And joy
Has infected
All of
My being
Trembling
And terrified
Such pleasure
Can't be
True
But my
Heart
Won't stop
Singing
Your name
It shouts
And shouts
Begging me
To let
It fly
To you
I have
No choice
And set
It free
Off it
Goes
Across
The sea
And warmly
I fall
Into
Crazy thoughts
Mad dreams

In the twilight hour
We reached the watch tower

The swinging trunks had got our smell
And one could tell
They weren't pleased

We had just intruded into their dust bath
Post the shower at the pool
Between us the distance
Was one of studied silence
Till one's trumpet froze me to the ground

From among the trees
Big little mud hills surrounded the space

Our clicking lens
Wore out their patience
And we were just nuts
Before that large herd

Some more were coming up the river
We heard someone whisper
And I thought of rebellious elephants
Fighting for territory once their own
Against an invader that spares none

What if this dwindling day hour
They crush the watch tower!