Sky pundits
Call it the
Beautiful
Game
So why do
They cheat
It’s such a
Shame.
Players
Pretending to be
Be hurt
Cheaters don’t
Deserve to wear
The shirt.
Feathers Macgraw
Rolling Around
On the grass
Another
one shot
He’s on his ****,
Coaches and players
Are all to blame
For putting football
To ****** shame.

I am stuck in a bubble
I am West Ham
Playing football
They best I can,
I left Upton Park
The Boleyn ground
For pastures new
I took the hammers
Sound.
On this surface
I did not rest,
I am the ghost
Of  Mr  Clyde Best
I am stuck in a bubble
I am West Ham
Always and forever
A loyal fan.

Im eighty two
Have no
Memory of
You

I have a
Blank frame
A crying
Shame

A picture
Of you
Still lives
In my
Heart

I met a lady
A lady of dreams
I was naive
A little bit green.
I gave her my heart
I gave her my soul
She churned me up
And spat me out
Straight
Into a
begging bowl.
I hatched a plan
I didn’t go well
Im serving twenty
In this prison cell.
Moral of the story
Read the label
On the tin
Before you open it
And find what’s
Within.

I met a budgie
High on a perch
I asked where
You going
What do you
Search,
I flew out the
Window now I’m
Free
So I ate the budgie
It was
Fine by me,
Freedom is dangerous
You must have rules
I think this meal
was a stupid fool.

Over the top to glory boys
To a Geronimo of chants
Oh so billhooks boys
I think I've just **** my pants
I was a bullet frightened conscript
But over the top I went
I died for King and country
Letter for my mother was sent
they left my rotting smelling corpse
in a ditch of mud so red
I was just another statistic
A sacrifice that needed to be bled.
I never lived to see what was the final score
Millions lay with millions
upon earths most deadly flaw.

There’s horror
Coming out
Of the lake
Of tears,
The hunting
Trip
Turned
Rather queer.
Found a
Cabin
Deep in the
Woods
Those creatures
From hell never
Understood.
Blood didn’t
Run through veins
The living had
to endure their
Pain.
The sun came up
Dissipated fears
They Wandered back
To the lake of tears.

Frozen sheer terror
Abyss,blackened doom
This is how it  all started
In my mothers womb.
I was quite happy swimming
Around in daddies sac
If I was given a big choice
I would gladly have swam back.
I had no choice in the matter,
I was a crime without a face
Little ole heartless me about
To join the human race.
Mummy was screaming when
I came out of that dark abyss
Reeking of unhappiness
About to receive my first kiss
My I was a difficult
My I was fu--ing bad
Rotten to the bone
Making everybody oh so sad.
They gave me the name of
Chucky
They made movies about I
I was a bomb in a bowler hat
Surely making the whole world cry.
They said I was paranormal
A freak without a heart
On the scale of one to ten
I wasn't even on the chart
Being a bad omen
A tortured exorcist
I would walk upon your grave
And take a warming p-ss
Shock horror, ingesting all the pain
one flew over the cuckoos nest
Please release me from my chain
Hannibal lector, vladimere the impaler
We're quirky whimps compared to me
I don't know where I'm going with this
So I'm going to walk among the dead
Then  I'm coming back to haunt you
And cut of your miserable head

Coming home
From a fruitless war
My minds playing tricks
Every turn
Becomes a shut door,
A battered orange
A battered pear
Seems to me no one cares.
I was bad now they want
Me to be good
No consequences
And misunderstood,
Bad blood running
Through my veins
A fruitless war will
Drive you insane.
Hospital days
Giving me sweet pills
Im still dead in the head
No happiness no thrills.

Hi all out there in ga ga land
Let's just sing and dance
Let's take in some alcohol
Play a game of chance.
Hug a tree,kiss a stranger
Live a little,beware the danger.
let's run naked through the trees
Feel the freshness of the breeze.
Lay yourself down on pastures new
Be good to oneself,and try not to be blue.
Blow some kisses to the stars!
Smile broadly at the moon
Take in lots of  good and tempting
Before the popping of  the balloon

Owl and the ***** cat
Went to sea on
the Titanic,
Two gay
lovers
Both a
little manic.
Ollie liked
poppy juice
Sylvester
liked dope
Both on a sinking
Ship Thats given
Up hope.
Ollie spread
her wings
Sylvester got
on back
Flew of into
the sunset
Now thats a
Spunky cat.

Dreamt of a happy
Christmas
It never came
We all went down
Sick
****** shame.
Vaccinations
What a load of shat
Hot honey and
A lemon drink
And a cuddle
from the cat.
New year come and went
Bank balance didn’t
Take a dent.
Me and the cat were
Nearly back to square one
So all you people in poetry
Land have a good year
And lots of fun.

Met a woman
She’s eighty two
She wanted ***
I hadn’t a clue.
I said look
Thats  fine
By me
Can you
Hurry up,
Because
Next week
I turn
One hundred
And three.
I enjoyed it
I do confess,
I didn’t think
I could make
That much mess.
I think this woman
Took advantage of me
Who cares
I died
happy
103.

Scary ghosts of uck halls
Threw lavish parties
And summer *****.
One criteria on the
Invitation read
You had to be
Physically dead

I didn’t stop me
I had a plan
I disguised myself
As a baked bean can

My Skelton mate
Went to the bar
Asked for a pint
And a mop
It was different
That night he
Never spilt a drop.

The band played thriller
Drinks went down well
Trap door opened
Out popped lucifer
From the road to hell.

Ghost of Dracula
And Frankenstein
Dancing singing
Drinking bottles
Of wine.

Party went on well
Past five
The bouncers evicted
Me because they
Found out  I was alive.

Next year
I am
Going to
be dead
Just like the
invitation read.

Ghostly ghosts
Of uck hall
Great parties
But not for all.

Crossword compiler whom did suddenly die
The doctors and police,didn't really no why
The compiler he was clever he left them a clue
Still the stupid ******* never new what to do
It wasn't cryptic it had no hidden undertones
It wasn't suicide, I'm messaging it on a phone
So how did he or she come to Meet their maker
Answers You will find in tomorrow's  local paper.

Poetry virus
As you read it kills
deleting your poetry
As virus free wheels.
Home page vanishing
Into binary abyss
click the save button
And All will go amiss,
This virus effects and
Will **** all your odes,
Send me loads of money
To break the codes.
po box four seven three
overseas bank account
Its all a scam to me

Playing golf
No holes in one
My ******* round
Was not much fun,
I hooked the ball left
I sliced the ball right
Every hole
I played
****** *****.
After ranting
And raving
I couldn’t
give a ****
I Threw my clubs
In a nice yellow skip.
Problem I got
Golf is very dear
It’s the 20th set of clubs
I brought this year
Golf breaks my heart it
Shatters my soul
If I don’t get better
Im taking up bowls.

Three amigo’s
Knife
Fork
And spoon
Travelled to space
In a big  red balloon.
Huddled together
Wasn’t much room,
For the three amigo’s
Knife
Fork
and spoon.

Up into space
In that big red balloon
The three amigo’s
Knife fork and spoon
We’re  not the first
to walk on the moon.

This was
a moment
A spacial gate,
See
The first steps
on the moon
We’re done
by a
Big soup dish
And a
dinner plate.

****** bill
Came over
The hill
To
**** **** ****
**** ****.
Bullet proof
Dave who
Was highly
Paid
Had to try
And put him
In his grave.
This wasn’t easier
Said than done
Cause bullet proof
Dave
Thought it
would be
Spoiling
his fun.
****** bill
And bullet
Proof Dave
Were born
Identical twins
In this little battle
Between good and bad
Who do you want
To win

The sun has got
His hat on
Hip hip
Hip hip horray
The sun has got
His hat on and
He’s coming
Out to play.
Nuclear bomb
Has got his
Warhead on
He wants to
Come and play
He wants to travel
To the sun
And take
Our lives away.
If you have something
good
You must have something
bad
Problem with that
One makes you happy
The other so saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

Social media a platform
For good and bad
If you are a snowflake
It’s going to make you sad,
Catholic Protestant Muslim Jew
The problem is not the platform
The problem is you.
Are you a deceiver
Are you a believer,
Good and bad
Exist only in the receiver.
You do not need to cower
To social media power
Be strong don’t open the gate
Don’t be inane and take the bait.
Good and bad lives in us all
If you climb higher and higher
The harder you will fall.

On the titanic
When it sunk
I was in middle class
Sleeping in
a cold bunk.
People screaming
But could not
Hear a thing
The music played
On with  that woman
Who couldn’t sing,
In my room sat
My ghost upon a shelf
Being scared full of dread
I had been hallucinating
I’d been drinking
and wet the bed.

Shut the door
Don’t come back
Once you were
inside
Now Im covered
In cracks.
I was stalwart
True and fit
Years with you
Now I don’t
want to live,
I was smitten I
Fell for your games
There’s only me to
Really to blame.
So shut that door
And don’t come back
The lights have gone out
In this beaten up shack.
Property been sealed
Now  I must rebuild,

Got a new cat
Mollie died
Tears that night
I did cry
This new cat
I do confess
On the carpet
Milly left a mess..
Big pile of ****
You gone
And guessed it
I got up
And stood in it.
Owl and the
***** cat in
A boat
If she don’t
Use her litter tray
I will pack her bags
And her hat and coat.

I walked a crooked mile
Had to many pints
Of Guinness.
While Zig zag walking
It made the locals smile.
Half an hour later
Should be nearly home
Im going to have a chatter
To the big white telephone.
Late for work
Might get the 45
After a good Guinness
Session it’s good to be alive.

I brought  a car
Without
Any wheels
I got it cheap
A ******
Good deal.
I got inside
To drive it away
Why do they
Let me out
On Saturdays .
I brought a hippo
And named it Fred
It went to sleep
And broke the bed
My mate Doc,
Thinks I am sick
In the head
I just thought
I was easily led.

Solved a problem
It wasn’t wise
I brought a gun
Someone was going
To die
Nobody was listening
I was going insane
So I put a bullet in my brain.
Solved a problem It wasn’t
Wise if you got a gun
Well something dies..

Molly the sleeping cat
Eighteen hours
Laying out flat
Feeding time she asks
For haaaaaaam
Hold on a minute
Going fast as I can.
Molly Molly seventeen
Always grooming
Keeping clean
She dos not wander
Very far
She parks her backside
Under  the wheel arch
Of my neighbours car.
Molly Molly
A big ball of fur
Lots of sleeping
Do you concur

Old mother Hubbard
Was high on crack
She earns her money
Lying on her back.

Little bo peep
A shepherd of note
Liked to make
Love with her goat.

Humpty Dumpty
Was an evil dude
Jack and Jill
We’re just to crude.

Bill and Ben
Liked to smoke ****
Three little piggies
It was all about greed

Three blind mice
Liked smoking dope
High on the happy side
Given up hope

Go on all night
Writing this crap
I’m a bit drunk
A cheerful chap

Bonsai Japanese
Tiny small wood shrubbery
Seventeen potted.

Happy mountain high
Thermals eagles flying sky
Glistening blue tarn.

Meadow pipet wing
Rhythm bluebells joyous sing
Deers aloof feasting.

Women care
About their  hair
It makes them feel good
To the male of the species
They just wish they could

Cat hairs in me fridge
Cat hairs in me tea
Cat hairs in me coffee
Cat hairs on me
Everyday I hoover
Molly likes  it to
Im fed up of hoovering
But what can I do.
She is an adoring cat
Never misbehaves
She’s  still
A hairy cat
Can’t get myself to shave.
Molly the fur ball
Hair everywhere
Really my lovely
I just don’t care.
Hair on my bed
Covered by her fleece
Me and Molly
All curled up
Seemingly at peace.

I was Albert Pierrepoint
Apprentice so called
hangman’s mate.
We hanged them
in Pentonville
And buried them
In high gate.
A sad job
we had to do
Was hang a lovely
Lass called Ruth Ellis
Just before the hanging
She asked us if she
Could be hanged
in the ****
So I said yes.
Seems not right
To be so ****** rude.
She had her last meal
Chicken soup
Then she walked out
To face the noose.
She dropped
Her gown
Albert was all at sea,
Ruth said why are
You staring at me.
I’d like to say missus
Ellis you have
an attractive cut
She replied Im all
Yours if you keep
Your trap shut.

I am at my happiest
When I do not exist
I can wander
The underworld
Unruly and
******* ******.
Up on the walls
Are All the signs
Me I do not exist
Im still drinking wine.
Don’t do this
Don’t do that
At every corner
A witch with a cat.
Wandering the underworld
Not reading the signs
All my demons
Are being revived
By the wine
Walking the nightmares
I do not exist
Opened up another bottle
I am at my happiest.

Six numbers
Lottery
Won lots
Of money
Not happy
Depressed.

Free drinks
For life
Adoring wife
Not happy
Depressed

Won a Ferrari
Christmas draw
Money rolling in
More more more
Not happy
Depressed.

Everything I  
Ever wanted
Anything I
Can digest
So why is it
Im always
Unhappy
So ****** depressed.

First of January
New year is born,
First of February
A frosty morn.
First of March
New life begins
First of April
The birdies sing.
First of may
Sun warms the day
First of June
The children play.
First of July
Roses bloom
First of August
Newlyweds
get a room.
First of September
Nearer winter
First of October
Nature splinters.
First of November
Winter begins
First of December
Month of Christmas
Begins.

Everyone in
poetry land
That have
Read my
Doggerel
Rhymes
Wish you all
A happy new year
Enjoy this winter time.

Prickly as a cactus
Cunning as a fox
A pretty live wire
A Jack in the box.
Sweet Marie
A burning flame
You need to
Lighten up
To play
The loving game.
You have a kind heart
Beautiful eyes,
Exterior so hard
You make the sun cry.
I will persevere
To bring out the
Kindness in you
Break through the hardness
It’s what I shall do.

You sweet woman
With a heart of steel
If I crack the safe
Do we have a deal.
If I fall
no need to react,
Im quite tenacious
I will bounce back.
The code to your heart
Will be difficult to break
It’s like swimming
Inside a frozen lake.
I know your worth it
Your pure gold inside
So Im prepared
To take this task and
Crack it with pride.
I think I’ve found
a weak point I needed
A break
In going to entice
with
Some
chocolate cake.

My hard nut woman
Of a thousand storms
She **** to hardship
From the day she was born.
Inside this woman is heart
Of steel
Never stuck,
Knows how to
Freewheel.
All her lovers held
Her in high esteem
Me included she’s
Now my dream.
My hard nut woman
Of a thousand storms
A golden woman
In a field of corn.

Naked humans cannot hate
It's symbols and clothes
Determine our fate
They say it's good to belong
This is why humans
Have got it all wrong.
The whole wide world should
Be one big nudist camp,
Everybody the same
Blood is blood
Is hatred natural or just
Mis-understood.

I am this
You are that
You wear a beret
I wear a hat
I am what I am
You is what you is
I hit the target
Sometimes you miss.
Life isn’t flat
We deal with that.
I touch that
You touch this
You hit the target
Sometimes I miss
Standing in front
Of  each other
wearing just a hat
I think we can
Both deal with that.

Me and me cat
At a loose end
Her persistent
Meowing
Sending me
Round the bend.
I’ve got me
Hat
I’ve got me coat
Moving to a farm
To live with a goat.
Settled down
On the farm
Then one day
Heard my cats meow
Aghast it was coming
From all the cows
This is true
A matter of fact
I am being haunted
By my lonely cat.
Meow meow  
All the cows said
So with
the farmers
Gun I shot
them dead.
Farmhouse was beckoning
The end of this story wrote
Sat down with a cup of tea
Meow meow went the
****** goat.

Why do humans
Want to destroy their land
This world owes you nothing
Don't you understand
Billions on billions
educating our brain
Greed for money
it's all ****** insane
catch a bus shaped like a *****
Fill it up take a drive to Venus
Look what we our doing
To this fertile land
We must all be aliens
And we don't understand.
Aliens infecting,the sky is blue
grass is still growing
We haven't a clue.

In a cue thee other day
To buy some basic needs
Three people smoking tobacco
Wearing Protective masks indeed
This virus is a respiratory disease
It attacks the way we breathe
Us dumb humans succumb
And ******* bleed

Health and safety
World War One
Trying to keep
To the rules
Now that’s
Called fun.
Don’t do that
You might die
Wear a yellow hat
Safety laws do apply.
When protecting
Your ungrateful
Nation
Don’t get
injured because
Employers
are
saying
No to
compensation.
Bullet in the head
Mud in your eye
Health and safety
It’s better to die.

Hearts sometimes
Become dying suns
Life draining
No warming fun.

Hearts sometimes
Become black holes
Life draining
Yes freezing cold.

Hearts sometimes
Are hit with poison dart
Life draining ripped
Torn apart.

Hearts sometimes
Collect all your fears
So you can live life
For many years.

Heart broken
Fiery tears
Drowned my
Sorrows
Twenty beers.
Sitting on my
Toilet seat
Staring blankly
At my feet.
Won’t be moving
Anywhere soon
Life is flat
Like a lead balloon.
Mixed up sick
With a number two
Thats my night out,
Straight down the loo.
We’ve all been there
Without a doubt
Breaking up Thats
What its about.

Sweet little buttercup
Nature will bite
A thought might abuse you
just not tonight.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
When nature bites
Who will care about you

Bluebells and cyanide
Razor blade wine
Horror of the thought
Your sun will not shine

Tulips and daffodils
Bloom in acid rain
Who will call
When your heart is in pain

Heaven is a wonderful
Place
A sanctuary for the
Human race.
Heaven is our
Mother Earth
Where female
Animals all give
Birth.
Hell is not a jolly
Place
A haven of death
For the human race.
Hell is on our mother
Earth
Where our children
Live and die of
Hurt…..
Heaven and hell
Is a place on earth
Where death exists
And mothers give
Birth