Ridden a cycle in
Continuum of space
Walked the line
A boot ,one lace.

Swam five oceans
Sailed the seas
Still Nobody believed
In me.

Played golf
Upon the purple moon
Made love
To Madonna was
Around about noon
Tore more self
Inside out I
Had to set myself
Free
just to get
The judge to
Believe in me

Played football
Under the sea
Had Stalin and ******
Around for tea
It’s getting harder
To believe in me

Surfed on the planets
Through the astral plain
Danced naked with
Marilyn munro
In a shower of
Pink rain.

Never never going
To be free
The mirror in my
cell still
Believes in me.

One flew over
The cuckoos nest
Making this crap up
I’m doing my best
I really do not know
Who is who please
Can you leave
A sweet little review.

You guys write
Creative right.
But where is all the funny,
Did sense of humour really die
Or does it not make any money.
Stories in poetic land
With little twist and turn
In every writers arsenal
Writing humour we must learn

Down by
The riverside
Kingfisher blue
Soaking up the
Morning chill.
The river flowing
Gently today
Fish are idling by
Bluebells on
The riverbank
Blossoming
In the sun.
Day turns
To night time
Kingfisher blue
Settles on his
Creative perch
To welcome in
tomorrow's dawn.

We hurt each other
In so many ways
Blue skies were blue
But now just
grey
Our we so different
Like chalk and cheese
Hurting each other
So ease up
please.
We seemed to be
Road blocks
Stopping the fun,
We got to get out
Of the grey
And let in the sun.

As I woke
One blue dawn
A robin sat on
My window ledge
To greet the
coming morn.
He was small
with a redbreast
So sweetly did he sing
It brought joy to
My heart that
Little bird did bring.
As my head rose
From my pillow
I slowly left my bed
I gently closed my window
And crushed it’s
******* head.

Is there anybody out
There
Wants to part with there
Money.
I don’t care what amount
I’ll set you up,
Put it in my bank account
I really do love you
Like a bee making honey
I need your loving
But mostly your money.
Did you know they
Took the word gullible
Out of the dictionary book,
Something you might
have overlooked,
Is there anybody out
Out there
Could I be a honey
To say l love you
And thieve your money.
Take from the gullible
Give to the poor
I think not.

Our names are on an mega asteroid
It's coming to at us with pace
Doing ten thousand mph
I'm going to get out of my face
Asteroid ,asteroid,slow down chill
Me and Seven billion people,
whom you could unknowingly ****
Hey mister big stone please turn around
We really do not wish to be pummelled
Into gods earthly ground,
Please reverse rocky and go deeper into space
So I can spend more time getting out of ones face,

im going to heaven in my rowing boat
With a kangaroo and a hippo named Fred
The journey seemed to be  quite interesting
until Fred had a dump.
I'm going to heaven in a bright yellow car
Because the boat was covered in ****.
Heaven is a place on earth
it's not imaginary you know
Clangers  live upon the moon
in a sweet diverse picture show.
Poetry is not my strongest point
But I play a mean game of darts,
While unraveling an anagram
Of thee orchestra and thee cart horse
o sol le mio
Ice cream for me I'm still going to heaven
Cause I got a ticket

Cyanide and happiness
A perfect pair of rogues
Suits are immaculate
With a lovely pair
Of brogues.

Cyanide and happiness
Were the Bonny and Clyde
Of there day,
They robbed the rich
And gave to the poor
It was the game they play.

Cyanide and happiness
We’re not  two clever dudes
After every crime committed
They left too many clues.

Cyanide and happiness
We’re caught and duly tried
The jury found them guilty
On the gallows
they would die..

Cyanide and happiness
Known as the cranky crooks
Read about there exploits
In a my first edition books.

Old and doddery
Losing the plot
Try and give it
One last shot
Im going to chance
Ask this lady to dance
See what happens
A bit of romance.

Rubber ducky
In my bath
Manchester United
Are signing him
This team is such
A complete farce.

What has happened
It’s such a farce
My rubber ducky
Decided he’s staying
in the bath.

Rubber ducky
Yellow and proud
He Is not suited
Yet
To play in front
Of the united crowd.

Rubber ducky
He’s not being hurt
He’s just signed
And wearing
Accrington Stanley shirt.

Rubber ducky
He
Is actually
A Man Utd fan,
Im only his guardian,
Old Trafford
at the moment
Is not in his plan.

Rubber ducky
Boisterous
And plucky.

Walks around
Tip top gait
The loonies
have made
rubber ducky
President
Of the
United States.

Rubber ducky
Has a master plan
It’s ****** daft
He’s turning
Kansas into big
Lovely Bath.

Rubber ducky
Putin the fox
Best place for
Them is inside a
coffin box.

I never wrote
This  stupid rhyme
Knowing them
They’ll make it crime.
It’s turning into
a Shakespeare play
Rubber Ducky
Might send me
To Guantanamo Bay.

Rubber ducky
Thats the plan
Rubber ducky
Invades Iran.
Rubber ducky
Thats the call
Mexico now s
Surrounded by
A long long wall.
Rubber ducky
White on black
Rubber ducky
Don’t like that.
Rubber ducky
Jumping in bed
With The reds
Climate change
Is now ****** dead.
Rubber ducky
Thats a laugh
Turning Panama Canal
Into his bath.
Rubber ducky
He’s not rated
Dos he know
JFK got assassinated.

No flags
No uniforms
No boundaries
No war.
This I think
I must construed
can’t fight a
War if your in
the ****.
No flags
No boundaries
It’s just land
My therapist
Said if you
Want to hurt
Just sit on
your hands.
Identity is
Just in
A pile of names
Humans like playing
The hunger games.

What’s
going on
I am
all alone
I can’t
have a
Conscience
Im a
mechanical
Drone
Somehow I don’t
Want to hurt
So I
turned myself
Of and I
died in the dirt

I walk over the skulls
On the killing fields
The wolf as eaten
His human yield.
I have twenty four hours
To slay this foe
To stop the killings
And all the black woe.
The moon rises to
End the darkest of days
The wolf is close
Tonight I must slay,
When eats me I shall not cry
I’ve poisoned myself
Like me it will slowly die.
I sacrificed myself
So others shall live
I take it’s life
Mine I shall give.

Did not swim
Did not run
Didn’t dance
Had no fun.
Never knew
My father
Neither my mum,
Nor experience
The rays of the sun.
Did not know love
Did not know like
Didn’t even get
to ride a bike,
I wasn’t for this
Revolving earth
I was a new born
Died at birth.

So many
heartaches
In the world
Are we compatible
Boys and girls.
Love is like
A ring of fire
Rights and wrongs
Attached to desire.
I really don’t get it
That’s why I’m alone,
I definitely ain’t
A rolling stone.
On my grave stone
My epitaph will say
An unopened heart
Didn’t come out to play.

Sad life when
I can’t relate
Not opening up
Closing my gate.
Boxed in
nowhere
In sight
Always dark
Never bright
Ever the
Optimistic
Pessimist
Nothing on
My
Bucket list
I got truly
Lost within
So I turned
To drugs
Took ******.
Wow I got a
******* high
Got addicted
Oops I died.

Not sad to hear
Of your sudden
Demise,
I was to caught
Up in your
Web of lies.
I to fell for your
charm
I took a step back
I could see the harm
Were you a witch
A heartless *****.
You hid your evil
Very well
On your broomstick go
Straight to hell.
Lucifer is waiting
Open arms for you
My sweet lover what
Shall I do.

Every day is
So full of sorrow
I pray to whom ever
I don’t wake up tomorrow
Then in the morning
I do wake
There is no justice
Just cyanide cake.
Why am I writing
Such doom and gloom,
It’s the mood Im in
A slightly odd loon.
Please forgive me
I’ve left a note
It reads goodbye
To my poetic followers
I’ve cut my throat
Whoops.

Sad news
I cried
My goldfish got
Cancer
Became ill
And died.

Making a film
About his life
We did get
permission
From his wife.

Me and my
Best  friend  Deano,
Are calling this
Film finding
Chemo

A voice came in from
the deep blue sea,
From a ghostly old
Sea dog lost at sea.,
I was to carry his voice
I was to be the host,
To find his lady who
Lived once on the rugged coast.
Many cliffs I willingly climbed
With a wide smile on my face,
Till I came to a graveyard
A sweet quaint old quiet place.
There was once his widow
His wonderful beautiful bride,
I relayed his voice to her
Now alongside her
he now resides.
When I visit the seaside
And look pleasingly out to sea,
The voice of the old sea dog
Says thank you to me.

Santa the thief
Nice red suit
Robbed a bank
Nicked the loot

Santa the thief
Whitish beard
On the 25th
Banks did fear

Santa the thief
Bells and sleigh
Took the money
Christmas Day

Santa the thief
Spending spree
No presents
For you and me

Santa got caught
Put in chains
Nobody found
His ill gotten
Gains

The Reindeers who
We’re his getaway
Robbed him blind
And played away

Santa says
He will repent
But most of the
Money the
Reindeers spent

Santa the thief
25 years to boot
Never did get out
Of that big red suit.

Father Christmas
Needed to retire
Problem was he didn’t
Know how to fulfill
His desires.
Father Christmas
Not savvy to the world
Wanted to get married
To a lovely young girl
Three lovely beauties
Heaven had sent
Down in the pub
He used to frequent
He asked his mate
Which woman was best
His mate said Santa
Set them a test.
You got lots of money
Your a billionaire
Give them 2 million each
And see how they fare,
One who does best
Next year you shall wed.
Santa asked Wendy
What she did with her money
She kissed Santa gave him a hug
Said she spent the money on
Drink and drugs
Santa asked Marie
What she did with her dollars
She said lost it all gambling
Santa said Thats hard to swallow.
Santa asked Betty what
she did with the cash
She said she invested it
Made a 8 million stash.
Who did Santa marry
and was such a huge hit.
It was always going to be
The blonde
with ****** *******

Santa in red
Bad boys dread
Every Christmas
He counted the dead

Dancer and prancer
Cohorts in crime
Rounded up victims
Who Santa would ****
Every Christmas
He got his thrill.

Santa the assassin
Dressed in red
Killed all the bad
People
Just as the authorities
Said

If you misbehave
In the  coming year
On Santas list you
Will appear.

If you play the game
In a different way
A visit from Santa
In his sleigh
you will not
Be seeing another
Christmas Day

Sitting on your
Golden throne
Silver spoon
In mouth,
What are you
Going to do
With All that
Wealth.
It’s not for
Me to say
Could you give
It all away,
Times is running
Out for you
Sell your soul
To me
It will cost
You all your
Wealth to
Live for
Eternity

I’m Still running,
Running
Up the track,
Being **** scared
Never looking
Back.
Stations to the
Left of me,
Stations to the
Right
Still I’m running
All through
The ****** night.
See
I was sitting
On the
Pub wall
Drinking
Lots of cider,
Then out of a
Tree
Came a
ten ton
Spider.

The world is under chemical attack
Run to your shelters it's going to get black.
A virus is coming it turns brains to slime
its started already,no turning back time.
Billions and billions are going to die
No time to wonder,no time to cry.
Masks not needed it's in thee air
Nobody but nobody will be spared
The earth has been poisoned
It's a terrible sphere
Now everything living must feel the fear.

Have we found
The poem thief
He’s out there
Somewhere
Going nowhere
They call him
Mister chief.

Found my rhymes
On other sites
Under a good
disguise,
How did they get
There I want to
Know why.

So played a game
Went to a different
Mode
I wrote my rhymes
In binary code.
Numbers letters
All fun for me
Writing these rhymes
Disguised
As poetry.

The man who
Invented
Scrabble died,
Was it natural
Or third degree
Put the words
Down. maybe.
Numbers attached
To letters
place
Them on a board
Put them on a
Triple just to
Boost your score.
Double was the trouble
Triple always red
Then one day a word
Did play
Fantastically high of
Score
Scrabble man had
Heart attack
He can’t play no more

Clouds are forming
Shapes a plenty
Sunshine and rain
Never leaving me empty
Sand and the shingle
Between my toes
As the tide comes in
So relaxingly slow

Ring a ring
Of roses
We fall down,
The butcher
The baker
The candlestick
Maker
Even the
Perverted
Clown.

Have a vaccination
It’s seems to be the
Way
When really there
Is no cure
It’s out there
To boost
Their pay.

Cold Vaccinations
Pill poppers
Are they really
Death stoppers.

Thee enigma of stone
On our hallow land
The ****** snow shall coat,
Ptarmigan and the wise old owl
cuddling to stay afloat.
Hydra the nymph and the dragonfly
Warming their minds for spring
While The northern lights do a dance
And the nightingale begins to sing
Rays of the sun,summer has begun
hares and the bluebells do jive
Thee enigma of stone on our hallowed land
As everything seems to come alive.
Green turns to brown as the warm air fades
Thee onset of winter draws near
Ptarmigan and the wise old owl say **** not again.

Swam so deep
Inside your tears
Finally we parted
After 27 years,
We rambled thousands
Of miles into
Each others heart
There was lots of love
And lots of pain.
So we strolled
Silently back again,
After 27 years
No tears were shed
So we slept alone
Quietly in our own beds.
Love had gone it’s
Separate ways
But after 15 years
I still miss her today.

Flabbergasted
Befuddle
One congealed mess
This was me when
Your love became less,
Shocked and confused
i had done nothing wrong
You just can't change
words in our beautiful song.
broken of heart and
Empty of pleasure
memories of you
I will always treasure.

When young children die
There shadows still play
It might not be true
I would like it that way.
Dancing,smiling
Under the Suns ray
carrying their  names
In a fine eternity play.
shadows still do exist
In the darkness of a blink
It might not be true
It's still lovely to think

People wither
Away and die
Their shadows
Still play in the
Playground of
The sun,
This playground
Accepts all shadows
It has since time begun.

She’s got the look
The image just right,
She’s got the look
Intelligent so bright.
She’s got the look
Heart of gold
She’s got the look
Always hot never cold
She’s got the look
Bucketfuls of humour
She had the look
She died of a
brain tumour

Barbed wire inside a silk purse.
A woman of beauty just a curse.
Eyes so piercing,chards of glass
Only the brave would touch her ****.
Cursed souls still they tried
For a glance of her beauty
They accepted and died.
We put her on a pedastol
Cancerous to the core
Medusa you are whom we adore

Only seconds
Before I die
A kiss from my
Woman
Tears she cried
Tenderly
She held
My
Hand
Took my
Last breath
Then
I
Died.

Yes Im leaving
Of you trot
Don’t  forget
To take your
baby in the cot.
Parenting skills
Are not on  my CV
Paternal instincts
Are lost in me.
With you I felt as a team
Me you
and the baby
Living a dream.
Now your leaving
And of you trot
Take the baby
And the ****** cot.

Met a Lovely
Woman
She became
A good chum
Every time
I took her
Home
She wanted
To -uck
My mum.

Found out
There’s
Nothing
so
Queer
as folk,
Mum was a
Scissor sister
Liked women
Dressed as
Blokes.

Sitting on this electric chair
There dabbing water on my hair
Not long just seconds to go
Life for me was one hell of a show.

I was bad
I was good
So so sad
Misunderstood

Chemicals in my head
Would send me awry
Thee anger within
Made good people cry

This anger inside me
Was to be my doom
Society locked me up
Had bars round my room

Had I really committed a crime
Was I so bad
Was I not good
All of my writings
Were written in blood

Born from testicles of
Rotten hate
This was karma
This was fate
There pressing the switch
There closing the gate
Whoops I’m gone!

The ******
Waits upon
The hill
Biding his
Time to
Make the ****
Oh so boring
Then the thrill.
Take the shot
Oh what skill
When it’s time
To make the
**** breathe
Then fire.

Bullet travels
Makes no sound
Split seconds
Target found,
Body
extinguished
Hits the ground.
When you feel your
Bones do crackle then
You’ve been targeted
By the jackal.

As I was walking down a street
A ******* I did meet
A simple man he got upset
He told me he was a flibbertigibbet.
Talking away most of the day
Bumfuzzled he became,
Dagnabit I don’t need this dinglebob
So I sent him on his way
Everything went cattywampus
The day went a bit agathokakological
Now writing this *******
Im starting to feel
Floccinaucinihilipilificational

******* in a light bulb
Can’t be a sin
Just want to know
How they got
Within.

On the cusp
of greatness
Then a twist
Of fate,
I really can’t
Recall the
Time or the date.
I should have
Turned left
But I turned right
Thats when I was
Hit buy a shining
Bright light.
When I woke up
Laying on the
Hospital bed
I had nobody
Just a ****** head
What sort of life
Will I have?
the doctor
Said it’s your call
Look on the bright side
You’ll make a good
Football.

Im guilty as charged
I’ve committed a sin
Im keeping my sin
Tightly within
Actually I would
Rather not
I had *** with the
Wife’s sister
She’s rather hot.
I don’t even like her
The nether regions
We’re warm
All this is going to do
Is kick up a storm.
Shall I let it run
its ugly course
Keep my sin to myself
Looks like we’re heading
For divorce
What the future holds
I shall ponder and dread
All I can say her sister
Is great in bed.

Love island
Trouty lips
Lovely ladies
With gorgeous
Hips.
An arcade
Of human flesh
Boys and girls
A reality mess,
Im not a fan as
You can guess
It’s just a market
Where you can sell
Your flesh.
This is the pits
Cheap TV
Leave love island
To sink in the sea.
Reality TV
Is not reality
Just making
Rich so called
Talentless
Celebrities