World War One
Confused dot com.
Looking cute
In my birthday suit
Looking aplomb
Confused dot com.
I shot a  guy
I do no why
It made me cry
People in power
Told us lies,
They needed our blood
To colour the mud
The powers to be hadn’t
Got A clue
So the daft *******
Went and
Started World War Two
It’s all nonsense
You don’t have to agree
Arabs and the Jews
Will start world war three
Maybe.
I met a man who
was at the battle
of the Somme
He told me he was
confused dot com.

My hard nut woman
Of a thousand storms
She **** to hardship
From the day she was born.
Inside this woman is heart
Of steel
Never stuck,
Knows how to
Freewheel.
All her lovers held
Her in high esteem
Me included she’s
Now my dream.
My hard nut woman
Of a thousand storms
A golden woman
In a field of corn.

You came to me
Bolt out of the blue
With manipulative
Words I love you
You played my heart
Tinkered with my soul
You gave  me life
It was rock and roll.
You made me cry
You made me laugh
We ended up on a
Exciting path
Together as one
We would dance all night
The stars would shine
The loving was right

Sweet sweet rose
Harsh hard thorns
She was like this
Day she was born
Petals Consuming
So vividly red
Me and mum
We lived in dread
Scented so bitter
Blossoming not
Sweet sweet rose
Deserved what she got.

Sweet sweet rose
Soft silky thorns
He was like this
The day he was born
Petals all giving
So vividly bright
Me and mum
It was just right
Scented so innocence
Blossoming hot
Sweet sweet rose
Deserved what he got.

My mum
bless her
She died
We had a
Lovely service
At the crem.
Mum had
A sense
of humour
All her
twelve
Children
began
with M.
All the poetry
People play
A simple game
8 boys 4 girls
See how many
you can name.
E mail me
     [email protected]

This little challenge
Is harder than you think
Mum was a wordsmith
You will miss
her if you blink

Let in the loons
To listen to the tunes
Let in the upper class
With there silvery spoons
Let in the buffoons
Always a game for a laugh
Let in the plebs
Let in the tarty
Now we are getting there
Ready to party
Let in the reds
Let in the blues
Let in the winners
Even those who lose.
Let in the judges
Let in the police
Let’s get this party
Started
And wish for peace.
Let in the Muslim
Let in the Jew
Let in all religions
It’s the best we can do
Let in the skinny
Let in the obese
No hidden agendas
Let’s live in peace
If we can’t party
And listen to sound
The big top will fall
And so will the clown
Party in full flow
The noise will increase
Let’s all party and be at peace.

Cheese grater to use
On your harden skin
Your padlocked up
Please let me in.
I went with a
Playlist
With a different
Song
I do admit it was
Oh so wrong.
I know you to
sometimes
Play away
Turning my
Blue skies
To tinted grey.
So what’s your problem
Wear a different shirt
All we’ve done
is cause
A lot of hurt.

Sun field pastures
Turquoise skies
Watching people
Walking  by
Fallowed land
Beauty of stone
As I travel Im
never Alone
Rainbows dancing
In the breeze
Rain and the sun
Are such at ease.
I walk my country
Head held high
I will walk this walk
Till the day I die.

Put 100 pounds
On a horse
You got it
Lost of course
Put 100 pounds
On bang on the bell
Lost on that
It fell as well
Put 100 pounds
On who’s the face
Guess what never
Finished the race.
Put 100 pounds
On number eight
On the off just
Sat in the gate.
400 pounds give it
One more shot
Put 100 pounds down
And lost the lot.
Nothing was going to stop
This losing run
Should have gone to
The brothel and had
Some fun

You’ve dangled
Your hook
And I did bite,
You enticed
Me in
It felt so right.
Said all the
Words I wanted
To hear
Like I love you
Come warm me dear.
But a sly *****
You became
Was the real you
It’s a crying shame.
Down the garden path
I was surely led,
The ***** had lured
Me to her bed.
Yes I did
for her I dote,
So I sharpened my knife
And cut her throat.

Blue flamingos
Freezing flame
Opening lines
Of a ******* game
The world is flat
Wrong is right
This ******* game
Can be played  all night.
The sea turned pink
The sun don’t shine
This ******* game
Can be played at
Yours or mine.
Adele can’t sing
My Ice cream
caught fire
This ******* game
Makes you into
a ******* good liar.
Gullible been taken out
The dictionary book
For prime minister
I was overlooked.
I think I will patent
The ******* game
I cant cause parliament
Has the same name.

Gone and brought
A Tardis
Inside larger
Than you think
Mines not a police box
It’s shaped like a sphinx
Not sure where this
Rhyme wants to go
Back or forward
I’ll let the stylus flow
I don’t want to run or fight
Not put any injustices right
Im of to the future to put
Certain objects in place
Maybe one day they will
Save the human race.
Me and the sphinx decided
We will go back in time
Just to sing with Elvis
When he was in his prime.
There still selling Tardises
Any shape and wide
Smaller on the outside
And bigger inside.

Gingerbread men
On LSD
Creating art work
For you and me
Picasso Monet
Turner Van Gogh
Brilliant artists
Till their heads
Fell off.
Gingerbread men
Are living today
Painting artwork
In a different way.
The art world holds
Them all aloft
Without LSD
Their heads fall of.

Kids are playing up
I’ve tasered them
And put them in cuffs.
When they
come round
I’ve got a pit
in the ground.
If they don’t calm
Down
For heavens sake
I will fill the pit
With deadly snakes,
If they behave
Feed them I might
Then after they can
Play with dynamite..
My children I know
Can be a bit of a pain
They told me once
They thought
I was insane.
They love me really
So don’t call the cops
If my wife finds out
I’ve written this crap
She will blow her
****** top.

Thank you awfully
Do you mind
Kick this dog
Do be unkind.
Thank you awfully
Do you mind
Kick the cat
Do be unkind.
Would you like
To kick my horse
Do you mind
Not of course.
Would you like
To eat my pet
There be a yes
Just not quite yet.
Are you a member
Of the RSPCA
So am I just
Joined today.
There seems to
Be a vacant spot
MR Packham
Just ran off.
Do you think
He was right
Daft person
Should have stayed
And
put things
right.

Harlot and a
Thief
Was a wonderful
Moment
But to brief
She had a heart
Ice cold rock
Loving her
Gave me
A nasty shock.
In the end
She stole my
Heart
I felt lonely
Ripped apart.

Swam so deep
Inside your tears
Finally we parted
After 27 years,
We rambled thousands
Of miles into
Each others heart
There was lots of love
And lots of pain.
So we strolled
Silently back again,
After 27 years
No tears were shed
So we slept alone
Quietly in our own beds.
Love had gone it’s
Separate ways
But after 15 years
I still miss her today.

To you
Im the
Walking dead
Your sulking
Was it
Something
I said
Cold shoulder
Freezing me out
Confide in me
Create no doubt,
If I’ve wronged
I do apologise
Nobodies accused
Me of being wise
In my soul
I have bled
Stop making
Me feel like
Im the walking
Dead.

In the train of death
No one is alive
If they travel with breath
They shall not survive.
Only one station
Thats the stop
they call hell
Nobody returns
That’s just as well
How did we get
To ride this train
A parasite called
the devil had infected
Your brain.

We are going to
To the sun in
A paper plane
People at the
Air station
Thought we were
Insane
My mate Fred said
When the time is right
The sun is cooler
We will fly at night,
Will pack some water
It might get hot we
Will wear just underpants
Sandals and socks,
Time for take off
Sunward bound
You guessed it
We didn’t even
get of the
Ground.
Next excursion of
to mars
In a biscuit tin
But first we
Must eat all the
Contents within.

Have we found
The poem thief
He’s out there
Somewhere
Going nowhere
They call him
Mister chief.

Found my rhymes
On other sites
Under a good
disguise,
How did they get
There I want to
Know why.

So played a game
Went to a different
Mode
I wrote my rhymes
In binary code.
Numbers letters
All fun for me
Writing these rhymes
Disguised
As poetry.

Walked up the gangway
Aboard I went
Read all my letters
My lover had sent.
Unpacked my bags
Tried out the bed
A nice
Four poster to
rest my head.
Tuxedo on
Bow tie straight
Of for dinner
Going to
Staying up late.
Asked the steward
For some ice
in me drink
How was I
to know
The
Titanic would sink.

Boarded a plane
Of on holiday
We
Took of
We’re on
our way.
I had a drink
And some grub
I asked the steward
If I could join
The mile high club
She was fantastic
Making love to me
Then the bomb
Went of over
Lockerbie.

Went to America
To take in a show
Into the night
The lights
would glow,
Went with a beauty
Whom I admired
Then the shots
Rang out
a gun had
Been fired
Music still played
The pavement
Went red
Bullets flying
ironically
To the sounds of
The
grateful dead.

If I have offended
In this rhyme
Im a unlucky
Traveller going
Through time.

It was on the morn
A child was born
Coveted with love,
An angel came down
And took your hand
In a shape of a pure
white dove.

Sweet child of mine
Heartless of note
I took a knife
And slit his throat.

Sweet child of mine
Not much fun
Blew her brains out
With my gun.

Psychosis got the
Best of me
Horrible horror
Will not let
Me free.

I really did not
Commit this crime
I do believe it time
To time.

My son and daughter
Are alive today
I wish this psychosis
Would fade away.

I’m writing this from
My white washed cell
Please forgive me as
I’m not well.

Well my hands are currently
free  and writing rhymes
Thoughts are playing
Out my next crime.

A nuclear clown
Is coming to town
To blow you all away
Big red nose
Painted face
Making a dent in
The human race

A nuclear clown
Is coming to town
To blow you all away
Baggy trousers
Big red shoes
The human race
Now has the blues

Poison flowing
Through one’s veins
Life has become
A crying shame.
This affliction
Caused by addiction
Stuck in morphine rain.
Once I was joyful
Now riddled in woe
Travelling life’s highway
With nowhere to go.

Two birds on a perch
Can you smell fish
Says one.
Two fish in a tank
How do you steer
This thing
It’s  
Just a bit of fun.
Two cannibals
Eating a clown
Does yours
Taste funny
I here you say

There is a lady who
Lives in our street
Im hoping one day
That we shall meet,
Elegant in her style
With A fantastic smile
Then I asked her out
A night on the tiles.
We walked hand in hand
Down the strand
Then somebody shouted
She’s a man,
What this beauty long
In leg packing meat
With two sweet veg,
Carried on walking
Didn’t give a ****
A good looking man with
A pair of ****
Im not sure if that’s alright with me
But hey ** still it’s not every bodies
Cup of tea.

First of January
New year is born,
First of February
A frosty morn.
First of March
New life begins
First of April
The birdies sing.
First of may
Sun warms the day
First of June
The children play.
First of July
Roses bloom
First of August
Newlyweds
get a room.
First of September
Nearer winter
First of October
Nature splinters.
First of November
Winter begins
First of December
Month of Christmas
Begins.

Health and safety
World War One
Trying to keep
To the rules
Now that’s
Called fun.
Don’t do that
You might die
Wear a yellow hat
Safety laws do apply.
When protecting
Your ungrateful
Nation
Don’t get
injured because
Employers
are
saying
No to
compensation.
Bullet in the head
Mud in your eye
Health and safety
It’s better to die.

Tempted to see
What’s in the tin
The label doesn’t
Lie
If you open up
This can
Inside will make
You cry.

Best left
Upon the
Shelf
Temptation
Is not the
Key
Find some
Other can
Please don’t
Bother me.

Label on this tin
Will surely
make you weep
I’ll Come and haunt
You in your
Beauty sleep.

Throw your opener
Far away
Edible  I am not,
Temptation will
Make you pay.
Listen thanks a lot

Mummy said to me
Don’t upset an even flow
Your learn to hate
It’s just so.
If you learn to hate
There is no finish
There is no start
Just a circle
To a broken heart.

Only seconds
Before I die
A kiss from my
Woman
Tears she cried
Tenderly
She held
My
Hand
Took my
Last breath
Then
I
Died.

My woman of a
Thousand suns
Have you got a feather
To tickle my ***
My woman of a
Thousand dawns
Have you got the remote
I want to watch ****,

Seeing the world
In a different way
The monster inside
Wants to come
Out and play.
They said I was
Nice
They paid the price
My captives dressed
In white.

I’m a little sweetie pie
Adoring Jekyll
And Hyde
Injections three times
A day
I made those **** holes
Cry.

In my wheelhouse
I had no light
In my heart
No wrong
No right
Those men in
White coats
Didn’t put up a fight.

Morning chill
Ran down their
Spines
I ate their livers
And drunk there
Blood
All my life I’ve
Been misunderstood.

Killing life
Since
Dawn of
creation
This feeling
Of
Excited
Wonderful
elation.
At university
A professor
Did a citation
On the works
Of
Master. B.Ation

Suffering from dysthymia
Don’t feel sorry
Im not a wretch
I am coming out
Of a two year stretch
Suffering with moods
Every single day
Bereft and lacking
It’s been my way
Sometimes I think
I am on the way up
Then all of a sudden
The door slams shut.
Door sometimes
I leave ajar
So I can escape
But I never get far
Anxiety and panic attacks
I feel  so alone
I go into reverse
And head back home.
When i am at home
Biding my time
To get through this ****
By writing these rhymes .

Been on the drinks
With Vincent
Van Gogh
I asked him if he
wanted a beer
He replied
no thanks matey
Because
I got one ear.

Go to sleep
Molly the cat
Are you still
Dreaming of
Catching that rat.
All curled up in
Black and white
Ball
In this winter
What a good call.
On my bed fast
asleep,
On my fleece
Looking so at peace
Toes tucked in
A nice soft purr
Molly my cat
A big ball of fur.

This freak of a person
Is beyond compare
It’s like dancing
With an electric chair
Has a personality
Thats rather taboo
****** scary
And well to do.
In a figure of speech
He has two heads
One very sweet
Thee other you’ll dread
Happenings around this
****** freak
Is quite exciting
never bleak.
Has many disguises
Rather vain
Is it me or me
Who is quite insane.

Im all done up
On Drink and
Drugs
Thinking
I’ve caught
The love  love bugs.
I’ve been a mess
For many a year
Everything crazy
Nothing clear
Gonna  buy me a dress
Get out of this mess.
Dance with my man
Thats the plan
Flush Drink and
Drugs down the pan
Say to myself
I know who I am.
Been clean for
Many a year
Doing the best
I can
Still got the love love bug
Still dancing with
My man.

When one was a child
Many a thought
Never listen to father
Wrongly taught
Values were wrong
Society to blame
He hated his son
Because  I played
A different game
Father could not see
Passed his wretched nose
There was no seeing
There was no prose
He took his shallowness
To his resting place
Sometimes It is hard being
a member of the  human race

School school
Gene pool of fools
Sinking in the
Education boat
Knowledge was
Not keeping me afloat
Had a good memory
All seemed a sham
It was all about
Exam exam
I had all the tools
So I joined the fools
School was a circus
I was a clown
I fell out of the
Education boat
And I nearly drowned
All the fools I had to fob
Changed tactics
And got a teachers job.

A rose will blossom
In the month of June
As sure as the sands
Create the dunes.
The sun will shine
After the pouring rain
sure as the wolf
That howls in
the open plains.
Winter follows autumn
As the trees shed there leaves
As sure as the mouse that
Hunts for the cheese.
Everything living
Must take a breath
As sure as the wanderer
Who must rest.

The philosophy of life
Is knowing why
We eat
We poo
We will surely die
Old Chinese proverb
Told by my dad
Man who cooks
Cabbage and peas
In same ***
Must be
Stark raving mad.

Love island
Trouty lips
Lovely ladies
With gorgeous
Hips.
An arcade
Of human flesh
Boys and girls
A reality mess,
Im not a fan as
You can guess
It’s just a market
Where you can sell
Your flesh.
This is the pits
Cheap TV
Leave love island
To sink in the sea.
Reality TV
Is not reality
Just making
Rich so called
Talentless
Celebrities

Putting my
rhymes in a book
No that’s not for me,
I like writing this ****
And putting it on
Hello Poetry.

It’s free on
Hello Poetry
For you and me
To read.
No books
No publishers
That’s right
Yes indeed.

got
Writers block
Trying something
Different
will only
Wear one sock.
Do something
Different
Be unkind
Try anything
To unblock
the mind.
Imagination
Let it Run riot
Jolt the memory
Bang a drum
Have an ice cream
Try to fry it.
Wear a shoe
On the foot
with
No sock
Close your eyes
Pretend to be blind
Phone the mother
In-law up
try to be kind
Try to have *** with the
Cat
Second thoughts don’t do that
Trying hard
to
put stylus
to I pad
No more
writings it’s
Making one sad.
Imagination
Still ****** black
Hoping one day I’ll
Be back.
Oh well.

Wow it’s shocking
Made me unstable
1000 volts went
Through this cable
My
Electrician
name is
A mickhead
called Doug,
Me I was
Just
a three pin plug.

Fallen for the ghost
Of Typhoid Mary
A Lovely cook
Quite contrary
A mobile chef
Carried the disease
Killing her employers
With such pleasing ease.
They never knew
What she could do
Putting typhoid
In their stew
They never taught her
Typhoid was passed
Into food and water
She didn’t not really care
As she will appear next
Week on
Gordon Ramseys
Kitchen nightmares.