Forever in brown jeans
I know it looks
rather queer
Apparently it’s
hereditary
This substance
called Diarrhoea
Do You
know when you
have  been
Because the local
doctor said
It runs in
your genes.

The sun needs
A holiday
It wants to
Getaway
Needs a
Different
outlook
Somewhere
Nice to play.
A dip in the
Ocean
Smoke a big
Cigar
Cool down
A little
Drive a red
Ferrari car
Hang out
With ladies
Eat olives
From a jar
Drink fancy
Cocktails in
A suave and
swanky bar,
Like to get
Married
Ride a hobby horse
Now that last one
Is stupid of course.

Fallen for the ghost
Of Typhoid Mary
A Lovely cook
Quite contrary
A mobile chef
Carried the disease
Killing her employers
With such pleasing ease.
They never knew
What she could do
Putting typhoid
In their stew
They never taught her
Typhoid was passed
Into food and water
She didn’t not really care
As she will appear next
Week on
Gordon Ramseys
Kitchen nightmares.

Don’t get the picture
Bemused befuddled
Edges are frayed
In our  jigsaw puzzle.
On the table
Strewn across the floor
Pieces of the picture
Don’t fit anymore.
Once we were
An orchard
Now a apple
And a pear
We our
Not heeding
The signs of
A dying love affair.

I am this
You are that
You wear a beret
I wear a hat
I am what I am
You is what you is
I hit the target
Sometimes you miss.
Life isn’t flat
We deal with that.
I touch that
You touch this
You hit the target
Sometimes I miss
Standing in front
Of  each other
wearing just a hat
I think we can
Both deal with that.

I need care
From the cold
Night air,
They are
In there
Freezing
Out here
It’s not fair
Their not playing
By the rules
This to me
is ******
Cruel.
Mummy’s Lovely
We had a spat
I got angry and
Pooed on the mat
What could I do
Being me the cat.
I don’t hold grudges
Don’t you see
Staying in the cold
Night air ain’t
For me,
I got mrs owl
She lives in a boat
I can’t get in to get
My hat and coat
Door opens up mums
Got some food
Feeling better
Changed my mood
I’ll lie down have a Kip
When there out I’ll
Have another ****.