I need you
But I'm ugly inside
To forget my scars
Too much I've tried

I want you
But I'm ugly inside
The things I've done
Those things I hide

I desire you
But I'm ugly inside
Too many secrets
All the times I've lied

I see your beauty
But I'm ugly inside
Too scared to speak
Swallowing my pride

I watch you walk away
But I'm ugly inside
You'll never see my tears
All those times I've cried


Copyright Chris  Smith 2014

A young woman closing in on independence
Like it is a dreadful thing
Other young women
Excited, mesmerized, elated by the sense of freedom
She can taste the separation like food

Sadness permeates the flesh of youth
Spreads into the arteries of life
Almost a feeling of suffocation ensues
Others happiness caresses the flesh
Spreads into the arteries singing with fire
Unable to contain the elation!

Clouds form all around as separation is coming
A time of exploration and inhibitions weigh heavily
Loneliness, isolation, and unbearable anxiety overwhelm the brain
Happiness, exaltment, and a sense of power explode inside the other

The girl enjoyed life so much until now
Parents are much older than most
Fear encases the once boisterous heart
Everywhere talk of blossoming, answering to no one
Boundaries erased, getting older, wiser, excites

Dark thoughts of being alone fill her with anguish
Parents dying before she begins to live plays on her psyche
Children not knowing their grandparents, No! Turn back time
Please she cries!
The other cares not of these things only to get out
Into the world of money, jobs, romance, parties
Parents being a chore now just having to appease them
Loving them but finally FREEDOM!!!

One leaves home feeling weight of life crushing dreams
The other so happy to get away from meddling, curfews, and eager to carve her own mark.

Which will live the better life?
Who will be happy?
Free?
Love and be loved?
Will despair turn to death or endless fulfillment?
Will elation turn to destruction and loneliness?

Do you know which is a young woman you know?

Written by:  Jennifer Humphrey  10/12/2014 copyright 2014

Old words empty page so distant we were.
Myths of logic the clouds loomed heavy I bask in the rejection as my flames have burnt themselves out I fear.

No chapter written, the end yet a scratch .
We spoke in riddles only to forget the reason now I find less ******* in are lies so long I have forgotten are truths.

Dark scenes no light from this shutter so does escape the day burdens of are nights cast stones to a soon to be outgoing tide .
My words the ghost haunted only in shadows sometimes we must bury are dreams only to see nightmares through.

No pain me breath in a faithless  embrace .
I no need for the stories so I will simply close the book.
Tomorrows a promise to the few and a reprise of extinction of my thoughts tonight.
Hate what you will never grasp I simply have grown to ignore it all the same .

A demented thought sometimes beats a million well intended lies.
Place your bets when the smoke clears I'll be there a little less left of the fool you once thought to know.

In the wreckage we stood in the moonlight now shadows we've become chase the rats away from the bones .
To many times I have chosen to exist a shell of the canvas can you still recognize what I no longer see myself?

We can **** in passion and thrive only within lust.
We can exist for today only to yearn for a image of what was never are past.

It will all have to fade sometime my dear .
Maybe we could ignore this but it's just not me to play it safe.


And when you find the edge will you push past or simply turn around?
Lit cigarettes linger as once did I there is always a part that should never be taken away .

In the moment we lingered as children afraid of the unknown .
then it was  s nothing more of you as always there was far less of me . .
**** the past it only serves a crutch to collect dust with bitter thoughts and run down as this half vacant room.

And in the silence we knew the answers to questions we never cared to ask.

The page is dry .

Sweet darkest rose
A secret nobody knows
When night gives a glance
Be my moonlight dance

Sweet darkest mystery
With hidden beauty I see
As twilight begins her embrace
Let moonlight touch your face

Sweet darkest sprite
Dancing for my delight
I watch you and I know
By dawn you must go

A month ago I sat in class
in a New England School for boys
Now, I'm in a bomber group
Adjusting to the noise

I made plans for Harvard
A doctor, I would be
Then my life would turn
In a way I didn't see

The war was on in Europe
We saw in the press
But, 18 days before Christmas
we were pulled into the mess

Future plans were put aside
Our country we'd support
We'd forget all of our future thoughts
We'd join, though not for sport

We signed up down in Boston
Young men flyers, soldiers all
Preparing for a battle
Many would not live till fall

We thought not of our future
Our present, all we had
Many dead by Christmas next
The thought is truly sad

You do not what you want to
But, what needs to be done
You go from boy to man so fast
You've barely walked...now run

Think back on those who made it
Remember who did not
Young men they are forever
They deserve a longer thought

The air is pure and holy
It is scattered with young souls
Boys, now men who went to war
And put aside their goals

i am not
okay,
i love you more
than i remembered
i regret every moment
i sulked instead of enjoying you
i am punishing
myself for every opportunity
i gave up
to look at  you
or tell you i loved you
  or kiss tears from your face