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 Dec 2014 M Tamura
LittleFreeBird
every day is a constant battle but im always looking for just one reason to get out of bed in the morning

i dont usually find it

there is two much and still not enough and i cant say im isolated but its almost worse being alone in a room full of your friends and family knowing they couldnt give less of a **** about you and whether or not youre about to crack

i cant take the lackofvoices in my head anymore

three days of the week i cry myself to sleep and the rest im silently screaming until i have no oxygen left and i pass out choking on the words i wanted so desperately to reach anyone whos willing to listen

im always disappointed when i wake back up

there is no longer any reason four me to brush my hair or put on make up or eat or sleep or starve or be anything but the worthless shell of a human that i am and i dont deserve the well meaning but empty condolences of the few who care and have stayed through all my **** thank you guys but its a waste of time i'm drowning and i dont want any of you jumping in the lake to save me youll just drown too because  its not water its quicksand

i dont think i could take it if i was the reason our skeletons rested together under the soil i meant only for myself

i hate everyone and everything five times more than they hate me and if thats not enough then i hate myself as well and i guess that means that the whole world could burn and id just laugh because the fire tickles compared to what i do to myself

there is no reason to punish me because i doubt you could do anything to make me flinch

six hours of the day i spend losing myself in poetry and books and music but that is my only escape i wish i was someone who could drown themselves in ***** or drugs but getting drunk only makes me sick and i still have too much **** pride to go out and knock back more pills or smoke things that will make my head float

so much and so little to do  with so much and so little time

there are seven cuts on each of my arms one for each day of the week that i think about killing myself and i swear i didnt do that on purpose it just happened that way and i wonder if thats what my entire life is made up of only those words 'it just happened that way' so now there are fourteen more cuts to add to the countless scars and im so ******* sorry i cant stop but i dont think you people know what it feels like for bleeding to feel better than not

would you believe me if i told you this was one of my good days?
 Dec 2014 M Tamura
LittleFreeBird
I remember just how you tasted; like morphine and regret.
 Dec 2014 M Tamura
C J Baxter
A red river runs with me- through the night
  and the heart of the city. “Burst the banks!”,
I yell but his movements stay slight.
Bobbing along, to the moon we give thanks,
for it’s filled their minds with the expectance of fright.
The wrong time bends its way toward the right.
Everything else bends too, to fill in the blanks.
  We’re starting to spill over. The flood comes tonight.  
The blood that I run with will stain your hands,
The river will coarse through young and old veins.
But nature doesn’t come calling out any demands,
She moves us-sweeping and cleaning up mans stains.  
Times hands are broken. Your guess is as good as mine.
Each horizon I’ve arrived at, they always move the line.  

I fell into the river from a childhood nightmare-
And sometimes I fall back home in the day.
But each place is the same- Scarily rare.
You can blame it on pixies or blame Gray-
Or any kind of thing that makes a young mind aware.
But I’ve laid my thoughts out and stripped them bare.
Pens cruel ******* of what I called real
taught me not to get caught when ever I steal.  
   I borrow thoughts that tie me in tight knots
as I try stitch them into a portrait of a woman.  
But they always twist into fantasies plots
just to burn out in the fires they were fuming.  
So hear I drift alone in a thick and red river,
Creeping with the wind and the moon as we shiver.  

At one point, a wholly spun world now ago,
were days when this river bread new life.
It worked mens hands to the bone to grow
family and cloth each beautiful wife.
Helped purpose find its way to the heart
of each voice that was silence by a no.
The river shares snippets of his life with me.
Speaks a a story that my eyes can see.  
    He told me his plans to wash away the old,
now that those in high places think they’re above-
He floods the ground as this story is told,  
Sweeping up lost voices and spirits in love.
The river has given us life, like so many before,
one day he will whisk us off to a warmer shore.  

There are thousands deep under his water,
and some who float just above his open lips.  
With the love like a fathers for his only daughter,
he lets us drink his life but only in sips.
For greed can so often father slaughter.
It created hate in nature when it caught ‘er.  
Tore her apart, one sin after another.
Then sent us cutting out hearts- brother from brother.  
          We surge through the cities old and cold veins,
collecting each drifter lost in a dark way.
With the eyes of the pretty, the logicals brains
and the patience of listeners, we sway
with his rhythms and with no need to pray.
We’ll sway till the morning of a red skied day.  

     “ When now was never we dreamt of forever,
   of days shivering madly down this old cities river”

Through the black night, we sang these words of hope.
Thought one day we’d wash up in our old city
and walk on its streets and it’d be able to cope.  
To see it from the bottom and marvel at its scope.
Not to just walk and think “Oh its Sucha' pity”.
Those days when concrete handed me rope
and pointed me out toward tree’s on the horizon
are over. The grounds now are on the risin’.  
           Like hell being filled to its level,
we drowned demons and free’d souls.
But only for a second could we revel,
for our buildings were built without holes.  
And those finely suited sit their grinning,
Our old structures seem to have saved them.

“ We drowned in the waters we were swimming,
But were the only ones who ever had braved them”
Is this what depression feels like?
Is depression something you can feel like
or is it just       as is?
I'm not hungry and I'm always tired
and I can't pinpoint it.
Everything is barreling down on top of me
and I can't surface for a even minute of air.
I quit my job.
Drowning and collapsing
I feel like the world around me is getting smaller
and I only have
so much time to do so many things
but I can't      there's nothing
and yet           there's everything all at once.
Help me.
Guide me.
Show me the light
so I can run towards it      full speed
and never return.
 Dec 2014 M Tamura
Shaun Meehan
a room so dark—
so dark,
mistook for blindness,
hiding within it
a door,
whose presence made known
only by the glow of light behind it
spilling through gaps in its frame,
stabbing into the dark of
the unknown surround.

said a man
once, on the subject
“the unexamined life is not worth living”
his crass intent to
pry us from our
self imposed ignorance of self.

for—behind that door
lies the truth of a man,
freedom from ignorance owned by the shade, to
either, shed anew a light of validation, or
burn as an inferno and dictate correction.

the barrier,
held by simple latch obscuring truth’s illume.
a ****, whose demand be concentration,
its twist performed by
unbiased contemplation,
honest self examination.

that hidden behind such curtain
we cannot know until its opening.
the door—our veil of untruth,
whose lift made possible by word
of a wise man.
Help yourself to a digital cookie if you know who was quoted.
 Dec 2014 M Tamura
Lei Hopwood
You
 Dec 2014 M Tamura
Lei Hopwood
You
If you hesitate because you fear to fail,
you are a fool,
you are human,
If you fail because you acted
without thinking,
you are a fool,
you are human,
If you fail because you fear to love,
you are a fool,
you a human,
If you love and do not fear to fail,
You are a fool,
You are human,

You are human.
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