"What is your greatest fear?" he asked.

"For words to flee" she said.

It's funny
that inspiration
only knocks on
the doors of your mind
in times of heartache
in times of heartbeats
but never
in times of peace
... and as twisted as it sounds
I like that

For once
I put my heart on hold
and it failed
to stop beating

For once
I detached it
from my body
and it failed
to stop feeling

For once
I scolded it
for feeling so much
and it failed
to stop giving

For once
I told it
to take a break
and it failed
to listen

For once
I ignored it
and it failed
at keeping me
at peace

Maybe my heart
was born too small
for the love
it carries...

That's why it
shares it
just to
give itself
breathing
space

My baggage
toned my existence

For what's a glow but a holy light?

I glanced at him
in the car ride home
we both shared the backseat

Dwindling between sobriety
and the hazy reality
just like the wine in the bottle
resting between my hands
our logic made no sense
it even gave up

As the mumbles in the car
increased so did the vibrations
in our silence
the back seat had a world of its own

Full of untold attractions
engraved mysteries only those
who specialize in none verbal communication
can decode

There it is again
that glance, he's not looking
but she lays her vision
on him, tripping through
a roller-coaster of bottled emotions
she opens her mouth, but nothing
comes out,

It's a complicated situation
that even the back seat of the car
can tell

He turned to sneak a look
she looked away
at the window, she smiles
to her self
to the thoughts that lay themselves
in front of her vision, her only vision

He slithered his hand
to journey all the way from his side
to hers, an adventure that seemed to be
the most dangerous one of all

It made it over the armrest
slowly...
She still staring outside, marveling
at what she knows, he knows

She felt a warm embrace
and entwine between her fingers
she still didn't turn yet
but she knew....
that he knew
what they
both
know

I will
forever curse
the day
I fell
for that smile
baring in mind  
it turned my world
to a hell

Empty cups
of poison
failed to fill
the
bottomless
pit
that keeps
getting eroded
drink
after
drink

Am I wasting time?
or is time
wasting
me?

Have I lost the touch
to fantasise
sober?

Her.

“Good Morning gorgeous”
echoes down the hall
her voice altered
into a decibel
that she created
a clear tone only meant
to the one who knows

I have looked at her for 27 years
and counting, I witnessed growth
naturally aligned with her stars
never gone astray
with a mind for a compass
a heart to balance and a body to embrace
those who need

Her strength bewitched me
from mishaps to miracles
her legs never failed her
from tree climbing to moving houses
from cartwheels to driving in foggy weather
Her courage moved me
from enduring unfairness
to teaching about fairness
her rationale calmed me
and it was when she carried her baby
that I felt mother nature adopt her into motherhood
blessing her with power unknown to man
with endurance with love, with intensified
fountains of love, waterfalling everyday
every night into her baby’s heart
filling her with a glow only she knows how to grow

I saw her in a different light
with her own world between her arms
marveling at the strength that body has
to carry and nourish

She has become a mother
even though from time to time
I still steal a glance at the sister I knew
but I, now, am the proud sister of a mother.

I severed
ties
and all I have
to give you
is a band aid
to stop the
bleeding
for I am robbed
of all my
FIRST AID KIT
of affection

Pensive Roses
are louder
than
CAPS
in
P(rose)

There was so much in our bodies
that they lost balance
and found themselves entwined
tangled legs on messy sheets
sideways far from bed frames

Senses heightened, sobriety abandoned
She's on top, her view was powerful
his view was magical, his goddess

TBC ...

I fall
and
f
a
l
l

d
e
e
p
e
r

into an

a        b    
     y
s          s

every time
till it
became
  
  /////\\         
|HOME |

I scared
the doubt
out of
me
When I
found m
                    y  
                           s
                                     e
                                             l
                                                       f

Listen,
poems read
differently
when you're close to the poet

Listen,
run your hands
across my pages
caress the dents
feel the depth in some
and the lightness in others

Listen,
come closer
place your ear
on my papers
listen to the waltz
my pencils do
with every
stride, every curve

I have given pieces of my heart
to those who need it most
and yet I still found enough love
..to give my heart it's color
to let it blush
when it should, when it's struck?

I have juggled the knives
of insults that tried to paper cut
my skin as each one fell
a hairline away from my fingers
and yet I crave the adrenaline
that comes from defying such
near pain experiences

I have melted at the sight
of beauty, of music, of art, of poetry
of words, single or together
that kind of beauty
that moves your soul
the one that coats you
with a chill
that breathes life into
your blase presence
the one that's rustic
classic, that's ethereal
the one that creeps under your skin
and glazes your eyes with a glossy layer
for your body cannot explain
it in any other way
cannot digest
cannot comprehend
that such pulchritude
exists and
the best part
is that
it's real

do you feel that?
congratulations
You're still
feeling
&
that's a *******
blessing
feel..

Lonely Lullabies
                 Lull Lost Adults
                                 Loosely into Lockdown
                                                     As they drown in
                                                                          Sleepless Slumber

I took your hand in mine
and walked down the streets
of tiled memories
yet to be carved

I stole your cigarette
from between your fingers
just like you stole my feelings
without noticing

I lit it in the passenger seat
next to you, just like the way
your eyes light up when they fall
upon my sight

I looked at you, next to me
and mentally snapped moments
without you noticing

I took a drag from your cigarette
the same way I take your breath away
when you kiss me

I filled my lungs with sinful smoke
the same way I fill your mind with wicked
thoughts of me

I exhaled fumes of sighs
the same way you do when I embrace
you for a while

I rolled down my window
and felt liberated, like you do
when you lie there on my bed
with a smile on  your face

I put my hand out
to dance with speed, feeling the wind
caress my hand like you do
when you want to comfort me

I took a sip from that cheap can of alcohol
and smiled, it was cold and sweet
just like your skin, when you sleep next to me
in winter

I felt sedated, borderline drunk
just like you when I lay my skin
on  yours overdosing you with heaven on earth

I rested my head on the seat
and marveled at the night sky
wondering how such simple beauty
can be so mesmerizing
the same way you marvel
at my eyes,
when they wake up
and
light your
dawn

She's angry boys
looks like we're burning fast
"lighter noise"

There goes Larry
he was always toasty
and with that drink,
I think it's a beautiful death

Here we go
into the purse
I wonder, where she'd forget us this time
or if we'll soak up her drunken
thoughts

It's 5 am, have some mercy on your lungs!
Oh, I am the last one
struggling to stand up straight
in that crumpled pack
half awake, half dead,
swinging between sleeplessness
and drunkenness

I welcome my fate
I want to dilute in her breath
I want to kiss her with sunrise
I wish I my nicotine would mend her thoughts
I wish my filter, would cleanse
that stress
I want her to exhale cremated
bits and pieces of me
with the crisp breeze of dawn

Alas, I am burning
along with her awareness
along with her energy
she kisses me
one last time
I burn
I burned
along with
her night
Oh,
I burned

I slipped and fell from reality
Going down, I saw the silhouette
of myself waving back from the cliff of reality
getting smaller and smaller

My fall carved the air
with a bundle of chaos
dense with fear
and weightlessness at the same time

I am lost
between letting go and wanting to go
everybody goes at some point anyway  
between waving goodbye to what's better
and saying hello to what's bad
between loving to love, and loving being loved
or both,
I am lost between loneliness and aloneness
between confidence and bitchiness
between opening my heart and keeping it
and giving it to you, naked, want it?
between sobriety, and faking it
I am scared of changing and I am attracted to change
of walking away, when walking is my favorite hobby
I fear losing something, when there was nothing to begin with
I am addicted to turmoil, I lather my skin with recklessness
I inject my veins with the soothe intoxicating taste
instability
I question my lust for instability for chaos
for heartbreak and heart-mend
for unreciprocated love, for ... everything that doesn't make sense
I question my fabrication of a future, before I even say hi.

I am confidence wrapped in anxiety, that wears me like a gala dress
hugging my curves, with self-doubt
I am fake, a hypnotized being, programmed to smile
to blend, to speak less, to love less, love like that,
to compare, to compete
I am tired

Call out
to the muses
for I have lost
my inspiration
to the sickness
that has boiled my
body feverish
and my mind
numb

Resting my head
on my hand that rested
on my elbow
I was
facing her

and..

I asked the sun
to stay asleep
for an hour longer
the other night

I asked it to keep the stars
awake for one more hour
being selfish, I wanted to devour
every bit of darkness
left before, she awake

I asked the moon to glow
on her face, to show me every wrinkle
to show me freckles
to show me scars
in the most magical of ways

I asked the stars to leave
some shine in her hair
because the night needs more stars
and she' should be
the brightest of them all  

I asked the night sky
to fall on her skin
silhouetting that beautiful
valley between her chest and waist
I asked the sky to
calm all sense of anxiety
warming it with its silence
for when she rests
I rest too

I asked the wind
to caress her being
as she lay there, next to me
serene, breathing
shunning away all the nightmares
that haunt her, behind closed eyes

I spoke to her dreams
I asked them to introduce me to her
once again
I asked them to tell her
to show her, that it's me
write a memory of me
that she'll remember in the morning
that she'll wake up smiling to
I asked her dreams nicely
to put me in her mind
again

I asked the mystery of the night
to give me the courage
to tell her what goes on
in my mind
with her

I ran my fingers slightly
removing those curls that hide her face
only to see her
smiling
in her
sleep

My body
can only
hold
so many
chapters...
before I
explode
in
volume(s)

I have loved you
to a point
where my system
created an orbit
that only revolves
around
you
and you know what
I can
f$%king say it
guilt-free

I am in love
with so much mess
it will take so many years
to sit and contemplate
on why my
heart beats
so fast
at the presence
of chaos

The sound of your thoughts
crunch through my brain
every time
I chew
through
your
lies

The story
writes
the writer

If he would let me
I’d marvel at your ebony hair
falling weightlessly
down your tired shoulders
Oh, how it kills me with jealousy

If he would let me
I’d run my fingers through them
finding comfort in its thickness
creating paths of discovery

If he would let me
I’d sit for hours marveling
at those hazel eyes, very dark hazel eyes
trying to dissect their histories
stories and even their romances

If he would let me
I’d embrace you
tightly, till my heart speaks with yours
in beats in sync

If he would let me
I’d hold your hand
and feel the rush of a 16 year old
high on butterflies and blushes

If he would let me
I’d kiss those wine red lips
and get drunk off of their toxicity
**** sobriety at this point

If he would let me
I’d lie on the hood of my car
under the stars, with you
listening to you foretelling
a vague future of fame and glory

If he would let me
I’d paint a portrait of ultimate beauty
with my fingertips
on your freckled skin
that’ll drive Aphrodite mad

If he would let me
I’ll stay high of off your laughter
enjoying the lightness of joy
all day, everyday

If he would let me
I’d go forth and give you it
but every time
I reach inside my rib cage
to grab it
it pulls back
and protrudes thorns

Oh dear heart
why have you sedated your being
I do miss me some adrenaline?
Why won’t you let me?

“I have heard many pumps you idiot
but none like mine
you think I like being prozac-ked
by your silly fear?

Oh dear you are a fool indeed”

Debt

If I made you king
that doesn’t mean
you get to exercise
dominance on my free will

If I made you king
that doesn’t mean
you get to rearrange the chambers
of my heart to fit your comfort

If I made you king
that doesn’t mean
you get to enjoy your castle
the way you please

If I made you king
that doesn’t mean
you forget what it’s like
to be human

If I made you king
that doesn’t mean
you ally with my weaknesses
and keep my strengths in the dark

If I made you king
that doesn’t mean
you summon wars
in my ribcage
to shake my very core
with battle cries

If I made you king
that doesn’t mean
I am in debt to your royalty

If I made you king
that doesn't mean
you are one

I heard this song once
trumpets of adrenaline
and beats of joy
combined to shoot my heart
with the best drug
my body has ever tasted

I heard this song once
it was 1 am, with drums
of elation mixed with decadent vibrations
my eyes couldn't handle it
they cried with joy

I heard this song once
in the back seat of a car
my limbs awakened
with movements reaching
higher for something better

I heard this song once
with drops of emotions
repeating, beating, dropping
with ineffable beauty
that words went silent

I heard this song once
my whole being shook
to the sound
that music can gift
and
my soul
moaned
with
pleasure

(U)ltimatel(y)
is a word
whose control
lies in the
the first letter
and reasoning is
questioned by the last

I have always dreamt of a lover
whose complexion teases mine
with its darkness
that sun-kissed muscular
physique

I have always dreamt of a lover
whose arms embrace me
pull my pieces together
after I myself have been shattered

I have always dreamt of a lover
who will "woo me with his words" (quoted)
as I fall into slumber after a drunken night

I have always dreamt of a lover
who will draw me and curve my silhouette
into the most beautiful muses

I have always dreamt
isn't that the best
part?

I have been long gone
I kept my memories
in a suitcase
preserved like fossils
in the museum of my room
but I will carry them with me
as I stumble on the
next thing
that falls in front of me

I have had mistakes
that tried to knock
on the walls of my mind
but it's about time
my brain learns
from practice
over and over
not to fall for their emotions
but to know how to cope with them

I have had moments
that tattooed smiles
on every neuron
creating memories
of moments
that I seek sanctuary in
whenever I find the need to

I have had the idea of change
marinating in me
almost forcing me to believe it
to live it, to breathe
then...

I have had you to look
into my eyes
sometime later
telling me to
"stop faking it
it's always
been you"

I ignored the universe
when it
showered me with signs
over and over

I changed paths
took detours
redrew a map

But at the end of it all
looks up
Hi.
Again.

I drank
till my inhibitions
sat on the shelf
next to the bottle
I saw them dilute
with my logic
"Hello pretty one" I heard
and my mind
smiled

Fatten my papers
with poetry
your name
is dense
it inks it
differently

I started
giving ink
to my tongue
and for some reason
I developed a sleeve tattoo
that spelled courage