There’s a sickness stirring inside of me, it began from a lack of uncertainty.

Hidden hands, refusing to ever even take a stand,
there’s a thought process that lingers in demand.

I’m worthless to you, like holding dollar bills out to the “We’re Closed” store sign,
it’s cliche, I know, but it’s not your fault... but mine.

I’m a burning star, far fading and even further from glory,
Let’s begin, start over and rewind this same old story.

There’s an aliment setting in, the kind that comes from a borrowed curse,
Yet somehow this feeling that’s eating my insides and taking over feels worse.

Our backs rested against the solid ground, spilling secrets, so profound,
my ears begging to hear your sound, I’m enthralled by even your footsteps as they abound.

There’s faith, there, at the bottom of this jump,
but there’s fear here at the top that I’m afraid will triumph.

A passion for pain because I just do this to myself,
because you’d be true to me, and I to you and no one else.

Pull the trigger, take the shot ****** your knife into the dark,
we drowned in gasoline, failed to light unable to forget that spark.

Hold this hand, scissors clenching,
pour the poison it’s my thirst that needs quenching.

A steady rhythm of words, unhelpful and reminding,
I purposely take my place away from you, a need for unwinding.

If prayers are screamed, do they reach invisible gods faster?
like your puppet, strings attached, hand and foot and you’re my master.

Passive trance, a spell’s been cast, two more steps and it’s over,
pursuing victor, nameless captor, retreating defender and life destroyer.

I paused defeat on the battlefield, bloodied and draining of life’s vestiges,
I missed the clue, the cue, non-verbal in its delivery, your messages.

I used these hands to try and pry the lie from your insides,
but someway, good conscious effort died, as it decides.

Rummage through our afterlife, baskets and letters set ablaze,
you go on living, loving, laughing and pretend that I should be un-phased.

A life standing tall, upright, and a history of “practice what you preach,”
in death, lying down, parallel just hoping that I’ll find what you seek.  

You fill my heart with what if’s and secrets to puzzles that never came true,
there’s an advantage, something better, and you’re right there, never missing your cue.

Help me hold on to us as yesterday is used as evidence of broken trust,
forget the good and harvest the bad, as you spread my ashes into the dust.

There’s always been dirt in my life, sticking around like the aftermath of planted flowers,
It’s uncontrolled, contorted, and raw like a superhero who has just discovered powers.

A sweet revenge hidden in the form of unlikely pleasure,
it’s the good in you, as my light snuffs out, against myself that I measure.

I collapsed intentions that once were long thought dead,
There’s only so  many words, and even fewer actions to get you out of my head.

Walk away from the living, they don’t mean much,
shower in the praises of the dying, it’s the way to live, as such.

A foundation of decisions, laid bare at each others thrones,
I could love you, once, as our insecurities have shown.

A peddler of hope, happiness and untarnished dreams,
I swore an oath with you, but not everything is as it seems.

I will never say that I wish we hadn’t met,
there’s something special about rifling through a pocket full of regret.

The future will read about us someday, lifting pages from dusty tomes,
Laughing and enjoying life, until they reach the end - alone.

You’re a brightness, dulled out and drained by doing good,
treading listless through the night, I’d die if I could.

Tears flow freely, I’m sure, as it’s decided to be this loves last stand,
bury your head, hide your face and tell me that it’s too late for hands.

It’s not realistic, living according to these old beliefs,
Eyes snap open, the nightmare now begins, no relief.

I’ve been there before - on the receiving end of being adored,
A smile grips your lips as I lay dying beneath your sword.

You’re like the idea of a miracle that births and then bleeds,
this time’s the last, only our third second chance it seems.

You don’t want what we aren’t to end, you remind me how we’ve grown,
but if that’s the truth, then explain picking out the names for our tombstones.

Raised from the start to get chopped down at the heart,
suffocation is leading, content is receding to do its part.

There’s a ghost here, buried, tangled and hidden amongst our things,
we rifle through, shuffling memories, forgetting how unprepared we are for what they bring.

We had a life once, even if the idea was forged and falsified,
we held each other, dodging raindrops and insults in stride.

We were too much for one another, gale wind force meeting mud and stone,
I woke beside myself, breathing and ashamed to be alone.

Our story printed in pictures, facts and figures,
One decision late and those after effects still linger.

Hiding in plain sight but blended with the dark,
me, the light of your life snuffed out, leaving my mark.

Time is ruthless, uncaring and set to its course,
grit your teeth, relax, hold on let’s not use force.

Just like that - the blink of an eye, the shift of our feet,
unwavering and settled in, now is not the time for peace.

Grow through the pain and remember the rage,
you flip to the end of the story, no more ink for this page.

Stand still, remain calm, now is far too late,
mixed signals, invisible interest, all I have is time to wait.

You my mirage, a lie that I need to believe,
I’m alive and maybe that’s the reason you grieve.

We mimic moments that are repeatable but break with a squeeze,
I am your mountain broken to pieces but your whisper, its breeze.

Chase me, reel me in until you plant your discretion in my bones,
I buckle down, dig in, you’re all I wanted except for the unknowns.

There’s a soft spot hidden in the depths of this soul,
living lies and question truth as our discretion takes its toll.

We’re lit now, the wick, dynamite set to explode,
we missed the target, we’ll try again, empty clip, let’s just reload?

Take your time, there’s only forever that’s left now,
we crossed our hearts and begged time to see what it will allow.

I’ve made my mint from you by force feeding you fears,
you made it up to yourself by wasting my years.

The “what if’s,” “where at’s,” and questionable deeds,
self righteous as I am your good intentions are just unwatered, planted seeds.

You spun detailed, vivid plans to any and all who would listen,
but if we both worked so ******* ‘us’ why is it just my brow that glistens?

The history is our guide, our hope and a lesson used for learning,
you didn’t study, repeat offender as you set fire to your past, now burning.

Only ashes remain for me to sift through and ***** out,
you let your flame burn, ever so small - impossible to remove doubt.

Blackened, burned and now a soul too dark to leave,
the truth fought through and your intentions I couldn’t sieve.

We are now just the walking dead, “I care about you,” another lie that’s been fed.

Hold me while you hate everything that I love for,
trick my trust and lie for my lust, I can’t survive anymore.

I painted our picture with red lashes from this heart within,
I should have noticed when you cut all ties, it’s too late to try again.

There’s still a space in my head where you will linger,
It just makes sense, I’m right there for you to point the finger.

Tell me I’m good again, lie to my insides,
there’s little left to learn here, it seems that fate decides.

I tilt towards forever, as your words crash against this rocky shore,
an imperfection, a nervous laugh, what more is there about me to adore?

You push on - pulled over, life stalled out, we can no longer drive,
I beg your attention, suspension, let me touch your skin so I know that I’m alive.

Spilling everything to crumpled sheets, and lightly starched pillow cases,
subliminally standing still, watching tears fall down undeserving faces.

I’m the worst at being the best, I know there’s a line drawn in the sand,
the miracle of comfort reveals itself right next to you where I used to stand.

You forgave me, you did, there was no question or ill-intent,
this feeble mind wondered at how my memories would be spent.

“He laughed, he loved and seemed to care a great deal,”
“He was a thoughtless hollow shell of a man who couldn’t feel.”

There’s a cure buried on the surface of your skin,
Forever is already lost, the line between good and “let go” is so thin.

Legacy lost to this episode, an ebb and flow,
cut it off, so there’s no chance to regrow our treasure trove.