Shrapnel leaves a scar.
My wounds heal like molasses.
Slower than syrup.

I have never felt ANY physical pain
that even comes close to the overwhelming **** that is inside of me.
Nothing compares!
And every night I wonder what it would feel like to feel safe.
Safe!
What does that even mean?
I wonder what it would feel like to get up in the morning
and to FEEL alive
and not have to pretend to be alive.
I feel defeated and afraid.
And my body plays this cruel joke of breathing
living ~ when nothing else inside of me sees a reason too.
And if there is no little girl there is no pain.
That's what I need right now.
That’s what I want right now
She is way too much!
She is evil and poisonous.
And the only way to make it stop is for her to go away –
no matter what that takes
no matter what the consequences.
She will never know what it’s like to live without the feelings of fear.
She will never feel safe.

Him

A broken heart.
No one to hold on to,
nothing to mend it
or bring it back.
A million pieces,
fallen to the ground.
Sad and alone
in a dark empty space,
Left to cry,
in a cold, forgotten place.
Left to die.
Jumbled up in a scattered soul.
A broken dream,
no hope to reach it,
nothing to keep it alive
or help it breathe.
A thousand tries,
failed to reach anything.
Dead but never died,
scared but never tried.
In a place I've never known,
Left alone
in my own empty mind,
on the borderline,
left to fall off the edge
No where to go
with a broken heart
and a broken soul.
Walking all alone
into the* *unknown.