My mind is elsewhere most of the time.
         Please,
look into my eyes and tell me what you see.
                                      Is it me?
Am I what you thought I'd be?

Try to understand why I seem so distant
Show some interest in yourself

Play me a song that makes you smile,
          that'll be what my heart clings to
                         when you are no longer near me.

i can't touch my temples
without
excruciating pain

i can't draw in a breath
without
pounding pain in my upper chest

i can't pull myself out of a chair
without
my legs feeling weak and jelly-like, unreliable and about to buckle

i can't walk down the hallway
without
everything spinnng, spinning, spinning oh how disoriented i am

i can't lay my head down for more than a second
without
my heavy eyelids forcing themselves shut and my brain cutting off

i can't
focus
concentrate
motivate myself

i can't get through the day
without
exerting every bit of the fragile energy in my body i have that day

every day is a chore
every day i have to push and grapple with symptoms upon symptoms that will not go away and continue to increase in number

each day i collapse on my bed and force back leaking tears
caused by
the constant pain and aches that overrun my body
caused by
the inability to want to do anything other than sleep to rid myself of this neverending fatigue
caused by
the mental fog that just won't lift

i can't stop shaking
from
this constant anxiety

my body is breaking itself down
and i
i am helpless to stop it

i am
i am
i am

i can't
i can't
i can't

Just for Today....
My smile came easier
I laughed more freely
I liked myself just a little bit
Causing a certain calm, peace, and warm glow

Just for Today...
I had a golden moment

There is hope for tomorrow

Kelly Rose
January 27, 2016