Look at me
I’m a ******* mess
Sitting here alone
So ******* depressed
In the dark
There’s no point in fighting so hard
I’m just giving up
I should quit band
It makes me feel like this
My body
My mind
Everything
“What’s wrong” they say.
How do I respond.
I can’t assure them
I can’t make them feel better
I only know
I am losing sleep
As I lie here in this heap
My clothes scattered around me
My mind is lost and no one has yet found me
I cannot think
I do not breathe
I’m in my head
Battling the past, the dead.
I haven’t the strength to climb up into my bed.
So I just lie here instead.

If you want to save the world
Prepare for just bad news
You can not save the heartless and cruel
You can not change the unwaverable

You can not convince those who refuse to see.
You can not help those who do not ask
Your love means nothing to those who don't love you back

Prepare for utter disappointment
For it is not a 'you give and you take' it is a 'you give and they get'
There is no balance to them
No yin and yang
No give and take
Only get and take
And a sweet, innocent personality to fake

But it's all an illusion
You mean nothing to them
You keep wasting hours and hours
Doting on them, but only giving them more power
Power over you that gets to their head
An infectious disease

They now hold everything over you, and all you can do is plead.
Plead for them to stop
Plead for them to let this drop
Plead for them to leave you alone
You wanted to help, not feel hate like you’ve never known.

How were you to know this hate existed?
You’d grown up in a world where people always listened.
This is completely new to you
These collective hateful, restricting, and narrow minded views

You wanted to save the world.
But the world didn’t want to be saved by you.

Curl up into a ball
Perhaps they won't get over the wall
Shut tight with steel beams
No open cracks or broken seams
Put on the mask you hide behind
Your true face, they will not find!
Locking up all of your flaws
Soundproof walls, to hide their calls.
Plaster smiles onto your face!
The less they see, the less they take.
Too tall to climb, too strong to break.
Hidden, happy, and quite safe.
The wall is up
And all others are out of luck.

I see you every day
Watch you as you take your toll and demand your pay
Third world countries
Praying for help, praying for something
People in power trying to help out
But when you arrive those people start to doubt
The things you leave in your wake
The sympathy others fake
The innocence you take
The minds and bodies you ****!
You take, and take, and take!!
But what do you give?!
When you never end but only begin!
How do we help the family you break?
The children you make afraid?
You hold the future in your hands
But I'd rather pry it from your cold, dead ones that the soldiers and civilians you sift straight through like sand.
What do we say to the widows? The parents? The children? The friends? The neighbors??
How do WE fill the holes YOU leave in the broken-hearted?!
Anger and wrath pouring into those holes like cement, weighing them down when they think about those that have parted.
When is enough, enough?
Will you ever stop pretending you're helping? Will you ever get called on your bluff?
The lives you steal...
By teaching others to ****.
Enemies and allies,
Are you DEAF to the MILLIONS of outcries?
"Please. Stop."
Simple words from simple people with the most complex of pain, only showing a single teardrop.
Bombs are dropped! Grenades are thrown! Wounds needing to be sewn!
There goes an arm, a leg, the eyes, the mind.
They want you? Despite the pain that follows closely behind.
Who wants words where bullets will suffice?
We think we control you but really you hold the cards AND roll the dice.
Leading us FAR away from paradise.
Yes, you can be useful and helpful but st what cost?!
All the money, time, and people we have lost??
When is enough, enough!
When we're broken and bloodied, finally realizing we aren't that tough?
When we're just scraps of a former novel?
When we're nothing but dust and fossils.
So I ask you again,
As Humanity is unable to defend.
Through the suffering and pain,
Through the tears you see as a game!
Hoping that you'll see the hurt and destruction and will change.
Just for a minute, stop being so tough.
And decide.
When is enough, enough?

......
It starts young
When they’re supposed to be having fun
But instead they cry
Not understanding why everyone lies
Or why everything hurts all the time
......

When he had rushed home from school
Walking through the house all alone
To feed his fish from the fair
Only to find it floating upside down,
Death was there.

When she had stared out her window
Glued to her binoculars for a good half hour
Just watching the animals outside the cabin
Only to see a bird ****** up and gobble on a hare,
Death was there

......
Surrounded by cruelty
Wondering who they’re supposed to be.
Growing up in a world
Where pain is constantly unfurled
Where nothing saves the doves
And everyone feels unloved
You live long enough one way
And soon there’s nothing else you can see or say.
......

When he had smiled softly
Knowing soon his heart would fill with glee.
For now bones creak and ache
All this life does is take
Watching the world around him
Knowing he’ll never be like them.
Aiming for the bottom of the building
Jumping down hoping
Knowing nothing is fair
And Death is there.

When she had been sobbing
So hard she ended up coughing
Staring at the bottle
Knowing she wouldn’t make it to the hospital
She swallowed a handful of pills
Before death she’d get her thrills.
In her final moments
Trudging through the thoughts and slowness
Knowing this world is full of despair
And Death is there.

Why is it, that i feel so alone
In this place i used to call my home.
With these people i used to call my friends,
Why did it all have to end?
Was i pulling away?
Or did i run out of interesting things to say?

Why did they feel the sudden urge, or need,
To lock the door on me?
Knowing full well the locks on the other side, and i dont have the key.
Why did they have to leave?
What is it that i couldnt give?
How much of it was a fib...

And it hurts to be left alone
In this dusty old home.
Void of any other life
The pain cuts like a dull knife.

I want to reach out
But my insides twist with doubt.
So i sit on a lonesome chair,
And into the oblivion I stare.
My mind is buzzing
And this empty abode begins humming

Pain, without love
Pain, can’t get enough
Pain, it’s all i love
I need to feed this hurt in me

Pain, drugged me up
Pain, it’s all i want
I need to feed this Beast in me

Pain, in solitude
Pain, it’s what i do
Pain, can’t get too deep
Just what i need to feed this Beast

Pain, in agony
Pain, it’s not what you think
This is release
The pain is inside me

Pain, flowing down
Pain, it won’t get out
Pain
It’s all i want, it’s all i need
Just feed this Beast inside of me

Pain, make it stop
Pain, it’s ‘round the clock
Pain, where’s my lunch break?
Pain, won’t let me escape

Pain, it’s all i want
Pain, it’s all i need
Pain, i need to leave
But not unless it won’t let me

You
Why is it always you?
Two of a kind
Running around my mind.

Why does it always lead back to you?
What is so special about you that i cant find someone new?
What is it that you give me,
That leads me to stay instead of flee.

You
What is going through your head?
How can you possibly call me friend?
Why do you want this to continue instead of end?

What do you see in me?
You’re delusional because there’s nothing to see.
I shouldn’t mean anything to you
Yet you stay and say that I’m important
But i confess all i do to you is rant.

Rant about my feelings
And other useless, irrelevant things.
Why do you continue to listen?
Despite me telling you to go constantly.

Why don’t you ever leave
The easiest thing to do would be to get rid of this pet peeve
I am both a pet and a pest
Your loyally insecure puppy

Too attached
Now forever yours
You don’t want to be stuck with this mess
So please just go, like all the rest.
It’s driving me insane
Do you even have a brain?
Why won’t you just go!
I’m too attached and I wait for you to leave
Because it’s all i know.

And you frustrate me
Because you just won’t go!
What is it running through your head?
I’ll never know.
You comfort me whenever I’m upset
You care about me when i cant care for myself
Why do you do these things?
Because we’re friends?
I’ve never known that path to lead to a good end.

Yet you say you’re different.
And i find myself wanting to believe
Please don’t lead me to be crushed in defeat.
I’m not sure i can take yet another heartbreak
Which is why i keep pushing and pushing you farther away.
I’m not quite sure how to let you in
So i awkwardly say too little and too much
Neither option seems to be enough.
I feel completely exposed and completely isolated.

Am i an attached little puppy?
Why do i trust you even though trust doesn’t mean ****.
I know as time goes on i will mean less and less
But i fear the future so i always think about it and end up a mess.
I dont know how to stop it so i just back away and refuse to do anything
While i sit and ponder why my heart stings

I admit, yes, i do this to myself
I worry and worry until the future i predict comes true.
I know it’s not any good for my health
But i refuse any type of help
Am i even aware of what help is anymore?
I know how to help myself get worse
How to put myself in that dark inescapable void.
It’s tiring but fun,
Watching my sanity slowly spiral.

Isn’t it fun to tell you goodbye
Just to go off and cry
And cut some more?

You've infiltrated my brain without knowing
Every time I make you smile it leaves me glowing
Every time my phone lights up
My heart will jump
Is it you?
And I smile too.
Do you think about me?
If you did it would fill me with glee
I'm not good in person
My part of the conversation forced in.
Wanting to look at you unabashedly
So beautiful, and kind.
But here I am afraid to use any pick up lines
Would you care if I did?
Or would my fate be sealed with a lid.
What would you say?
Force a smile and an okay?
Ignore me like I'm not there
For all of these things I am unprepared.
Which is why I say nothing
Which will never turn into something,
But what can I do?
You'd think I lost a few screws.
Averting your gaze when you look at me,
Hoping maybe my stare was not the first thing you'd see.
A habit, it's become.
It's impossible to be undone
When I talk I make eye contact with everyone else
Heck, even that plant on the shelf.
You, however are a much different story
How can I see you without gazing at your glory.
Your eyes are a complete distraction
They seem to call for my action.
But fear of what you would say
Causes me to avert any gaze
What would I ever say?
I have no original ideas, the most I say is hey.
For that i apologize
If I had the guts I might roll the dice.
I would have had I not been afraid
Wasted an entire plan I had made.
I was going to ask you to be my date
To more than just formal if you took the bait.
Formal was going to be my start
To court you would become my new art
But these things you will never know.
Why? Well because I said so.
If you do read this
Then give me a kiss
Haha I'm kidding you won't know who you are
If it is you, you won't figure it out, you wouldn't think that far.
If you asked who it was and demanded a straight answer.
I might not prance around it like a dancer.
I would most likely be honest
But I would not completely express my fondness.
Of course none of this matters, especially not the feelings I list
Why? Because you will never read this.  
It says so in the title you read.
What is it again? Oh yes
Words never said

I want to write a poem
But I don't know what to write.
I'm such a broken doll
I wish I could make this rhyme
But nothing works in my mind
Well except those two lines
Well now it's three
Oops

My Brian isnt really working right now
Oops spelling error I mean brain
That probably proves just how little my brain wants to work
I think I might be in denial.
I've probably been in denial all day.
But once I finally got there
The denial went away

Now I'm crying
I was crying in the ICU
And I'm crying now.
In the waiting room.
I want to put my words down onto this page.
I want to make this page my stage
I want to pour my emotions into this piece
But I can't seem to get it right
Seeing as this poem barely rhymes
Not that a poem ever has to rhyme.

I read her one of my poems while I talked at her.
Well I should say talked to her
But she couldn't respond.
She was trying.
I know she was trying.
But it didn't really work.
She had, I think it's called a respirator, down her throat.
So she couldnt speak a single note.

I think I'm going to go back in soon.
My dad is talking to her alone.
They say there's only a 50% chance she'll make it through the night
And everyone says they're praying
But I'm not quite sure who to pray to.
So I don't pray.
I just hope
And I believe in her
I trust that if she wants to fight and make her way back that we will.
And I hope that that's what she wants.

I feel like I never really spent any time with her now.
I feel like I barely know her.
I feel like when it comes down to it.
We don't really know each other.
When I first found out she was in the hospital,
I was getting ready for school.
I had to get to band at 7
And it was already 6:40
I needed to hurry.
So when I heard them talk about it
I wasn't sure what to say

There's been some scares before but it always turned out okay.
But now they say it's worse
Now my family is coming into town.
My family doesn't talk.
We aren't close.
We only speak if necessary
We do the least, not the most.
The fact that they are coming
Leaves me in shock

Is this the last time I'll see her?
I don't know
I have hope that she'll make it.
She keeps trying to talk
I'm sure it will all be alright I guess
But I can't help but worry.

I'm waiting for the words to flow down from my fingertips
To swirl and twirl and sound more magical than if it came from my lips.
Waiting for that mystical world of vivid hues
To grace my bland hands with its adventurous views.

Pen to paper, fingers to keys
Ideas and notions crashing like oceans and buzzing around like bees.
My thoughts entrance me
Leading my fingers to start dancing.
Rapidly writing and typing
Twisting and turning 'round stanzas and lines
Embracing the thoughts that are mine.

What is Truth
And what is it's use?
How to explain Love
And it's many notions of soaring above.
Laughing as i write little tricks and hints.
Words with many shades and tints.

The page turns golden
The swirls scramble, they never end
Words shining loud as can be
The true beauty of poetry.

I’m gonna have to be careful with you
Because you live so far, you make me wanna be there too.
And every poem or message i read
Just makes me more intrigued.
And though a relationship would be hard
And we both have scars.
I’m all too willing to try,
All too willing to fight.
I’m sorry it took me forever to read your poem
It didn’t show up on my home and
I know that fear
It’s scary that I’m putting myself semi-out there.
And you’re not just another person to talk to,
I have a fastly growing interest in you.
And not just an interest, but feelings too.