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  Mar 2018 Alec
-df
i'm still trying to remember who i was before i
stopped smiling at myself in mirrors,
stopped making silly faces at kids when their parents weren't looking,
stopped looking up at the stars.

i'm still trying to understand what i've come to be, how i
started yelling at myself,
started isolating my mind,
started living in a world where i only stare at the ground.

everything just was, and then it wasn't.

{d.f. | 03/13/18}
not sure when my depression or anxiety started exactly. was there no warning? or was i already far too gone to see it?
  Mar 2018 Alec
Amanda Kay Burke
I'm easy to love.
Yet I am hard to be with.
My heart is so big and so full,
But my soul so empty and dark.
When I am happy my smile lights up the sky
When I am sad, I am devastated, my tears crash around me as the unstoppable thunderstorms in my eyes rage on.
I give myself wholly to you, everything I have and all that I am, completely.
The problem is when I do that there is nothing left to give myself, and I am left hollow and dim.
I will tell you how much I love you every day and show you I care with little acts of kindness.
An hour later I will find myself lashing out violently with angry hands and shouted words.
I promise I will never leave you,
I can't promise you will never want me to.
I am easy to fall for,
But I am hard to stay with.
I don't usually write freeverse but here is what I am feeling right now.
  Mar 2018 Alec
Bee
Every step you take,
you are
                moving
                                 toward
your future, whether you realize it
or not.
Emerge like the rail road
that was once underground.
Each choice leads to a new narrative.
Alec Mar 2018
I have
No Right
To apologize
But even so
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
  Mar 2018 Alec
Keerthi Kishor
When I was five,
my mother told me I was loved.
Years later, she asked me to leave because
I was the reminder of the gruesome past that haunted her.

When I was ten,
my father told me he believed in me.
Years later, he refused to accompany me because
I was an embarrassment to him in front of the society.

When I was fifteen,
my friends told me I was funny.
Years later, they all laughed at me because
I was the gullible teenager who fell for their flawless façade.

When I was twenty,
this guy said I was beautiful.
Years later, he trashed me, tormented me because
I was ignorant enough to overlook my inevitable flaws.

So, sorry for not believing in you,
for questioning your intentions, inclusively, in-depth
when you told me you loved me because
I didn’t want to wind up years later,
learning it the hard way that people often don’t mean what they say.
"Pistanthrophobia is just not everyone's cup of tea."
  Mar 2018 Alec
crystal holly
i write because paper
always listens
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