The things we left unsaid,
When our eyes locked together,
When your cigarette smell filled my bed,
My soul didnt want to leave, never.

How hot you felt at 3am,
My shoulder warm, my hand dead,
So many thoughts spiraling in my head,
My pupils dilated, I needed you in my bed.

So many workshops, many stories told,
How you beat up a guy, fiercely bold,
Your words bullets to set a load,
Ready to fire at me on the side of the road.

8 years difference, too big to think of,
Too tall to dance, too far to love,
Two hands to hold, one shoulder to shove,
One man in lust, the other a dove.

Wish, pray and manifest,
Eat, drink and confess,
Love and hate, never rest,
Cry because you’ll never love me,
Even at my best.

Hold my hand, my dear,
We have time before we dissapear,
My eyes look at you crystal clear,
Your pupils dilate to someone near.

I sleep with a heavy heart every night,
Your cigarette in your hands, lit every blight.
Sun rays can hit my bed sheets,
But, its in those sheets,
Where our hearts could meet.
If only you had wet thoughts about our greet.

It’s at the first time where my heart was let free,
It curdled up when it found out we werent meant to be,
You liked women, I liked men,
Yet my heart was so brittle then,
I already had our story planned out,
With a paper,
and a pen.

I built a house in my heart,
I wanted to tell you, didn’t know where to start.
I never knew if you were gay, I wasn’t smart,
All I knew is that your eyes pierced through my heart like a dart.
Now I’m in my city, all I can do is hope for a restart.

I’ve watched ducks and swans fall in love,
I’ve seen a pigeon and dove kiss above,
Yet if only we were together,
We’d never been outloved,
But I’m too closeted so I put my heart in a glove.
When you shook it, you broke the thing I’m made of.

Every morning you’d greet me with a hug and smile,
In the evening you’d offer a cigarette, your casual style.
I imagine your clothes on your bed in a big pile,
If I called you at 3AM, I wondered where your phone would dial.
But I couldn’t.
Since I put my heart in exile.

That night, I dreamt of your eyes,
I thought of what I despise,
I dreamt of the lies,
You could tell me at sunrise,
Because for now, my soul cries.

I dreamt of us, our abyss,
Trapped in the moment, lost in our kiss,
Caught between heartache and borrowed bliss,
Just to let go and say,
“I’m going to miss this”

I dreamt of your broken English
Whispering in my ear,
words too hard to distinguish,
your stub rubbing my cheek,
your lips drawing, relinquish.
“If I let go, I don’t want our love extinguished”

The alarm woke me up and hissed,
The balcony opened, flew in a soft mist,
Stretched and wondered why you even exist,
Just to see the doorknob twist,
It was someone else, but it was you I missed.

Fly me to the moon,
And let me play amongst the stars,
Send me back to earth in the afternoon,
To my memory resevoirs.

Filled with passion and deprived love,
Too many to count, too much to care of,
Cigarette in hand, let me lay on my bed,
Let me sleep eternally, knowing i've earned my bread.

I’ve never believed in heaven,
Until I met you,
Counted my fingers, eleven,
Realized you were counting too,

I counted two hearts, four eyes,
One love, one prize,
You counted one guy, friend wise,
My heart saw yours,
Love lies.

Climbed down the stairs to my room,
Four floors apart, heart bloom,
You go down I climb up,
Met you in the middle, heart lockup.

Yet I couldn’t feel your heartbeat,
My brain could already sense defeat,
Your hugs felt like concrete,
Your eyes felt like a dark street.

Finished your packet of cigarettes,
At 2AM in the balcony, you were a silhouette,
Your lips, constantly quoting what you regret,
My mind and heart made a bet,
Whether I could get your mouth wet.

Blanket off, morning rise,
Sat together, in disguise,
Yet I stalked your mouth in despise,
Whether my hope applies,
Or my dreams will crystalize.

Talk together every night,
I thought we were love at first sight,
Gripped my hopes up tight,
That you would want me by midnight.

Yet your words did me so wrong,
Why did it take me so long?
That it’s not my heart where you belong,
In your mind I was long gone,
When you saw her eyes,

I climb down from a staircase to the beach,
So far down, close enough to reach,
I think of you, as I bite down on this peach,
This peach argues bitter, I preach.

Each stair has its own fence,
Yet one can fall, to what expense,
Yet one shouldn't fall, commonsense,
But you're the contradiction, to my defense.

I climbed so high, and fell so low,
Instant attraction, not taken slow,
If only there was something you have to know,
Is how much love to me, you owe.

My feet cradle between small pebbles,
The waves hit the shore at different levels,
Little ***** gathering around like rebels,
Biting my fingers, little devils.

The longer I sit, the sadder I get,
I watch the waves and think about the first time we met,
I watch the clouds and picture their colors at sunset,
But it's your face that I can never forget.

The waves crash down harder than before,
Their angry sounds I try to ignore,
I mourn my lost love, on this rocky shore,
Just as my ears deafen, to a waves roar,
As water crashes on my body,
The sea mourns more.

Perhaps I have never written a poem for men,
But when I’m around you, you feel like a den,
Covering me with those rounded eyes,
Warming me with your smile,
If I had a 1mm rope for every time I think of you i’d have more than a mile

Perhaps, you’re not gay and you’ll never understand
The disappointment I feel when I see you stand,
Maybe you and B. are meant to be
And I’m just stuck in a constant fantasy,
That you want to be with me.

As I look down, Nis looks *ty,
I wish you were here, because you would be more pretty,
I know your heart doesnt beat faster than mine.
But I swear when you talk to me through that moustache,
You make me want to kiss you, to shine.

Your soft laughter and your ways of act,
Expressing happiness in a grip like a baseball bat.
Honestly I wish you could be happy with me,
But we both know that wont be a reality,
Because I’m a delusional * stuck between the border of illusion and necessity.

I have so many words to say and yell,
I wished every night you’d be my boyfriend,
I prayed on my bed you would be in my dreams
Covering me with your arms as I softly scream.

You’ve hit me harder than marjuana,
You’ve made me overthink more than drama,
Accept my love or not Dex.
But god has made me that with you I can never have ***.

I try to remain in denial of what you are and what you could be,
I wish you were 50, so I can forget you from my mind,
I wish I was born a woman to be better than she,
In my deepest heart I wish you werent so ** kind.

I want to end this poem but I can’t
I want to let it unfinished, I want it a chant,
I want to drown in the drug you give me of a dream,

I pass by fields surrounded by hills,
As I listen to a song that kills,
As I remember you, my love drills,
My hormones swaying with the wind,
Like wind mills.

You’re 24 and I’m 16.
8 year difference, not thick or thin.
When I was with you I felt higher than Mount Everest,
Around you, I never had to rest.

Maybe I found you,
But you didn’t find me.
You are not the person I can be in love with in reality.
So I sit in this bus, with my heart trapped like a zoo.

Always stuck in a cage and never let out.
Always clanging the bars while it internally shouts.
You thought I was friendly, but I was in love,
You thought I was smart, but it was just lust.

Today you wished me luck and called me a legend.
Yesterday you offered me a cigarette like I was a peasant.
First night together we talked about what you do,
At that moment I realised that I want to live the rest of my life with you

I tried to forget about you and her together in a group,
Little did I know the photo you took today, she felt like a dupe.
I was so speechless that even my heart had nothing to say.

I saw how you looked at her then saw how you looked at me,
Before I thought you saw a friend, but your eyes lit up with curiosity.
I bet you look at her lips and want to know what they taste like,
Maybe two nights ago you wanted an Albanian wife,
just to see how hard her fork would clink from her bite,
As you shoved right through me a small yet poisonous knife.

I bet you dreamt of her right next to you,
I bet you kissed her and asked “What do you want to do?”
Or maybe I’m so blinded by jealousy and hate,
That I can’t correlate,
Whether you’re friends or you’re wondering how many children you want to create.
And I’ll be there, drinking wine and cklapping knowing it was bait.

The sun sets right beside me,
The clouds sway above the sea,
Maybe you were a lesson that I needed to see,
Maybe you were the love that I couldn’t feel,
Oh, but how much I wish your heart would kneel.

This is the only poem about you to be read,
Because in the future, you’ll be dead.
More dead than me, more dead than the greek gods,
Just know Ill be by your grave, crying and insulting you, calling you a dog.
In Nis my heart has gone through hell and back,
Your eyes provoking me, hanging me out to dry on a rack.

Maybe after you turn into dust,
And after I die 6 feet deep in the ground,
We’ll be reincarnated and finally experience lust,
Because I won’t go to eternity without you, you’re a must.
In that life, I’ll die safe and sound