I want to cry
My eyes are holding back the tears
As I read all the emotions
As I see all this hurt
I know so many people who hurt
And who ache
And this kills me
This world is so broken
And no one is untouchable
It kills me
Watching as innocent people
Get used
By other people
Who themselves used to be innocent
Until the day wen they were used
And its an endless cycle
Of hurt people
Turning around and hurting more
This endless cycle of pain
So many people screaming that they just want to be loved
And every piece of me
Is dying to scream at them
How much I love them all
But I've done that to some
And im afraid iv only caused more pain
So I'm stuck unable to help
Only able to pray
But the brokenness
Is eating away
And each day
They get more broken
And closer to ending it all
And I know that pain
All too well
That's why I want to help
Because I wouldn't wish my misery on anyone
And I want so desperately to protect them all
But I'm so weak
And there's really nothing I can do
So I sit back and watch this pain and watch this misery
And all I can do is cry out to God to hear these people
And to see the pain
And I feel so helpless
But I know that alone
Is better than anything else I could do

A hand extends
Covered in blood
The hand of a killer
One who has cut
Many people up
And murdered the innocent
And taken lives
Who is so insane
The person who this hand belongs too
Laughs at the very sight
Of the silver dancing with Ruby's
Who laughs as the silver seems to scream out for its companion
Who longs to do the dance
And at first glance
You may not understand
But soon enough young child
You will see the terrors in the night this hand brings
You will scream with fright
You will attempt to hide
But there is no hiding
There is no escaping
There is no way out
Because my truest love
Surely you must see it
Surely you must understand
Everything iv warned you about
Everything iv said
About this hand
And who it's attached
Im just trying to help
Attempting to warn you
You need to stay away
This is not game to play
Flee away you must
Please don't cry
When I tell you who
This awful hand surely belongs too
Its not really shocking
You cant possibly be surprised
But truly I tell you
That this hand is mine
And there are Ruby's my heart longs for
And silver my hand longs to play with
So forgive me
And I hope this dosnt hurt
But you see its just so much fun.

These thoughts
And endless memories
These demons
That scream out my name
These monsters
That always bring me pain
I have no heart
I lost it long ago
On an endless journey
Down the inescapable road
I saw many wonders
And wanderers too
I saw many creatures
All through this journey
Some seemed pleasant
But were wreaked with pain
Others who were dark
But the most glorious light hiding beneath
I've seen many monsters
Both big and small
And I have almost seen them all
Granted there a few who remain unknown
But these to only a few are shown
But that's another story altogether
Mine is just beginning so sit back and listen
This is my journey
Are u watching closer?
No of course not
Its an unimportant story and event
Its a meaningless matter
Just caught up in my brain
Right along next to the novacane
What a wonderful thing
Numbness is
What a wonderful desire
Lack of feeling brings
Its such a wonderful feeling
To feel nothing at all
If only your brain was just too small
You wouldn't understand what I'm trying to say
You wouldn't understand
Because of this exact way
Im saying all my words just right
So that only a few will be taken in the fright
But don't truly fear
Oh no my dear
For it is all over soon
Look I'll make you smile again
Have a balloon
There there now
That's much better
I told you dear
Tears only make you wetter
So do not cry
Don't let it out
Never seek a solitary corner whilst to pout
Put on the strong face
Make sure you don't brake
Crying is for the weak
Don't forget to be meek
But don't let it out
Don't let it show
Hiding is the name of this game
Oh deary, don't you want to play?
Its so much fun
Come come!
I'll teach you the right words to say
Oh **!
You got it right
Its not the words you say
For there are none
You will never see the sun
It's my face you shall see
For together we are we
It is you and I
And now dear one time to die
Yes yes
Let's see those Ruby's run
Let's watch the red come forth to the sun
Oh my! This is such pleasure
This is such a desire
Don't you truly mind these words
Or this nonesense verse
Merely a lunatics craving
And a dead sailors raving
Do tell me if you understand my misbehaving.

The knife was dragged down my chest,
Slowly pulling apart skin and bone,
My heart beating clearly shown,
The long claw like hand,
Reached into the crevice,
That was once my whole chest,
There the hand lay to rest,
My heart beating quicker,
Slowly began to be pulled away,
I screamed but unable to move,
So standing there staring I just stayed,
I stared at my heart now in his hand,
I couldn't breathe,
And didn't dare scream,
Because my last breathe was not going to be spent like that,
I continued to stare at my heart,
The monster howled with delight,
And gave an awful grin,
It seemed insanely pleased,
With what I surely hope was an awful sin,
But I had no time to think on that,
For soon was coming my last breathe,
I could feel nothing but the chasm in my soul,
Wondering how could I ever again be whole?
I began to fall to the ground,
The monsters laughter did abound,
And as I closed my eyes in that last moment,
As the darkness surrounded,
And I felt nothing,
A single thought entered my mind,
I began to play back and slowly rewind,
As I saw in my mind,
I watched the monster rip out my heart,
But I also saw how I stood doing nothing,
And I knew in my last moment,
I could have stopped him,
And I wondered if I could somehow have the chance to try again.....

Sometimes life can be a lot like a taco
It's all falling apart, but it still tastes good.

As she walked through the forest
Daydreams caught in her mind
But these dreams were of a different kind
Dreams of what was, and wasn't to be
Dreams of the person she could no longer see
She longed for the sun to rise and sing
But all she could see were the shadows storm clouds bring  
So she ran through the forest to get away
But these shadowy dreams continued to stay
Leaving heartache in every step
Everywhere she looked she saw death
Disaster, destruction, despair for miles more
That is all she expected to find in store
And yet within a light still shone
This light was not her own
It was a hope which had been breathed into her
Breathed into her by one that loves her sure
He was the one for whom she kept walking
The one who had given her this hope
And so on and on she went by it
Until her soul found what she had sought
A place she could rest and call her home
A place where she was no longer alone

I look out the window
I see the sky
I watch these birds fly by
They glide with the wind
Rise up against the swells
Where they go no one tells
It is all a mystery
The way the birds fly
The reasons people always die
The reason I'm always alone
Remains completely unknown
Atleast to me
It may be easy for others to see
But I know not
This is my plot
And im alright with it
So long as I get to watch
For watching brings no pain
It is only in the actual act of soaring
That one can ever fall
So whats the point of trying at all?

I know I'm a failure,
But I'm a failure who's gonna keep on trying.

I dont have alot of friends
But now i have one less than not alot

A mutual agreement
To rip each others hearts out
A mutual agreement
That we simply wont work together
I have to wait atleast a year
And he cant wait for just a year
Two different people
Who just didn't think it through
Who rushed head long
And who are both broken now
It makes it easier that it was mutual, sure
But it still hurts
And im still gonna miss you
Im gonna miss you alot
I really liked him
The first boy who ever liked me back
The first relationship i had ever been in
Lasted less than two whole months
Now isn't that just sad
Well I certainly am
He was so great
But we weren't meant to be
And i know i can trust God in this
And i know he has something big in store for both of us
But right now it still hurts
And my heart still aches
And im still gonna miss you
And im still gonna think about you
And im sorry i ever said i liked you back
Im sorry we ever went down this road
Because not only did i lose a relationship
But i also feel like i lost the friendship
And it was such a good friendship
And im gonna miss it
And im gonna miss you

The dazzling lights
The music of the waltz
The shy boy who didn't want to dance
The shy girl who did
The outgoing girl who spoke to the shy boy
And all but forced him to ask
But the shy girl was dancing with the red head
And they were laughing
But eventually the song ended
And the shy boy came up
He all but growled out the invitation to the dance floor
The shy girl just laughed
And so together they learned the waltz

My mind is so twisted and wild
It leaps and bounds
Violence is everywhere
Its the music in the air
It sings softly and sweet
And keeps my hands folded ever so neat
It makes me laugh out loud
And makes me cry with my head in the cloud
It keeps me from going insane
Funny how it can bring so much pain
But to me its a comfort
As is this rhyme
Some day you will understand, love
All in good time
One day you will die
And then you will see
That it is not i
Who has lost my mind
But the rest of the world who kills the innocent to solve our problems
Im just the one brave enough to say
What their actions have already spoken so well.

I saw the flames
He jumped through
He just leaped through the fire
Completely unhurt
I was amazed
Id heard tale of such feats
But even still
To actually watch it happen
I was enthralled
I was awestruck
And then i desired to feel
Those flames lick my face
I wanted to feel the heat
And yet remain unscathed
I wanted to jump
And so i did
I ran towards the flames
I was so excited
I wanted to leap through the air
But when i came close
When i saw those flames in my face
I stopped
For a split second
I stopped
I hesitated
And that threw me off
So as i jumped i fell
Into the flames
And i got burned
I have the scar on my knee
Its not bad
But **** did it hurt
I have the giant bruise on my side
And **** did it hurt
But none of my physical pain
Hurt nearly as much
As the embarrassment did
As much as knowing that everyone had watched
That everyone saw
That everyone knew
That i had failed
I had fallen and got burned
And that pain was unbearable
I had to leave to step away
I couldn't face anyone
And so i went off
By myself
And sat and thought
And made the decision that i would play it safe
And not take risks
And thus I wouldn't fail
And thus I wouldn't face the pain
I could just stay safe
But as i think about it
I remember the rush
The flames licking my face
That moment before i fell
And i felt amazing
Before I hesitated before i jumped
I was excited
I was doing something
And it was a rush
So yeah i fell
And yeah i hurt
And yeah the pain was real
But thinking back to it
Id do it again in a heart beat
The only difference is
I wouldn't hesitate
Or if i did
Right after i fell
Rather than leaving
Id run at the fire again
And id keep jumping
Until I finally made it.

Drowning?
Or already drowned
The demon screams
The child hides
The parent leaves
The monster hurts
The child aches
The tongue is twisted
The knife cuts
The wounds never heal
The scabs stay open
The blood leaks
People stare
Its brushed away
But the pain stays
The voices are louder
The care is less
The friends leave
The numbness stays
The people seem smaller
The fakness
All the acting
All the fake smiles
All the lies
All the "im oks"
Im drowning......
.....or maybe im already drowned.

Im not what appear
This smile is but a mask
For im not really here
I just to pretend to be to complete a task

A task of fooling you
Into thinking of me
As someone like you too
Instead of who is really me

But im nothing like you
Im so dark
Its nothing new
This crazy story ark

But listen my friend,
You need to hear
This relationship is at an end
You dont want to hold me dear

There are sins unknown
Scars covered up
The darkness has grown
And its so tough

To tell you this
But its only fair
For you to know
Before we become a pair

You need to know who i am
And that this isnt I
But this is where i stand
Im just a demon standing by

This demon inside
He controls me
He makes me hide
Who im to be

And so im sorry for fooling you
But its ok
Because maybe your fooling me too.

"Everyone will hate you eventually"
They said,
"For some it just takes times."

Sometimes im silent
Not because i dont have anything to say
But simply because
Its hard to talk over the voices in my head

The first doll is really big
She looks very strong
And even intimidating
She seems so tough and powerful
Beneath this doll theres a sweet little girl
Who loves to show her affection for others
She loves pretty and sweet things
Shes a good christian girl
Always does whats right
And beneath that doll is a screaming lunatic
And insane person who cant be controlled
A mad person with a thurst for blood and vengeance
One who is obviously weighed down by the past
And beneath them all
The tiniest of dolls
Is a sad little girl
Not more than five years old
Shes crying, she never stops crying
Because the only doll in front of her that she can see
Is the screaming lunatic
And the only emotion this little girl knows is fear.

Im dying inside
My life is a mess
Failing at everything
Im an idiot
Nothing matters anymore
End my life, please

Money was speny
Time wasted
Early to work i went
No breakfast tasted

And yet my reward?
Sitting here useless
Im not moving toward
Anything but a big mess

I want to write
I feel like i need too
I just dont feel right
I want to talk to you

But i cant
I just dont have the words
I have to many emotions
Im falling
I just hope im falling forwards

I need a release
But i cant move
I cant even breathe
But im stuck as well

Its midnight
I should go to bed
But i cant just yet
I dont think i could sleep

Im so tired right now
I want to sleep
But its too much
I just cant do anything

Everything is too much
Im just overwhelmed
And the worst part is
Im alone.

What are dreams?
I have had dreams of death
Where i watch myself steal away anothers breath
Where i **** others that i love
But then some dreams are soft as a lily white dove
And these dreams seem to disapear faster
They dont linger
And yet there are others still
The ones that i control through my own will
These are the ones that must always stay
And im trying to find a way
To keep these dreams alive
But i have to constantly revive
But if thats what it takes
Its what ill do
Because im done giving up on you
Im done not letting people in
I dont care if they know my sin
Thats my dream you see
To feel comfortable as me
I want to be a people person
I want to talk freely
And to just openly speak
But i get so weak
But ill keep trying and continue striving
I wong give up on my dream

I hate that i spoke
I hate that i opened my mouth
I hate that that hurt u
I hate that i let that hurt me
I hate that i let that get to me
I hate that i said anything to u
I hate how affected i was
I hate that it was nothing
I hate that i was overthinking
I hate that i did this
I hate how stupid i am
I hate the way u must see me now
I hate that i did this
But i love that for some reason u dont hate me

I just keep scrolling thru
All these poems
Looking for you
I want a friend
I never realized before
How old most ppl on this site are
Come on teens
Lets raise the bar
Lets write out our feelings
And talk to one another
Were all just lonely souls

You just left me,
We used to talk all the time,
And now.....  

Now we never speak,
And it *****,
I miss you,

You said we needed space,
And that you didn't mean to hurt me,
But it still hurt,
And i still miss you,
And i get it, i really do.

But i feel like i lose everyone i get close too,
I feel like every time i open up to someone,
They always seem to vanish,
And i thought you were different,
But it seems your not,
And thats ok
I cant blame you,
I wouldn't want to be my friend either........

I look and i wonder
What i have done
I sit and ponder
Why i cant find the sun

We were friends right?
Once upon a time
But now im struck by fright
I hear the clock chime

Maybe nothing ever lasts
Maybe its all just moments
And eventually they all pass
But my heart still rents

I just wish i knew
What i always seem to do
And how i constantly anger you
And why is it that you flew?

Away from me
I was just trying to see
To look into you
And let you look into me too

But instead you pushed me
And not just literally
You didn't want to see
Maybe im just full of folly

For ever thinking that we might
Somehow still be friends

There is a place i go to hide
There is a place where i wished i had died
There is a place somehwere near
Where i have often gone and cried

This place i tried to share
But no one seemed to care
To me it was magical
Buf i didn't really dare

To hope that they could see
Because this place encompassed me
And wasnt about them
It was where i had come to be

To be who i am now
Its where i found
Out who i truly was
Its where my heart was bound

I went there often
I havent been back
I miss it
That beautiful rooftop
Where i would sit
And cry
Or wish i could die
Or think about suicide
Or where i would go
When there was no one home
And i could sit and think
I miss my rooftop
It was my place.

My darkness comes again
Im weighed down
By all this sin

I look at these lies
And i scream inwardly
Outwardly i just sigh

I get so stuck
Its like i cant see
Anything besides the muck

But i will follow the truth
I know there is more
This darkness is not new

I can move oast these lies
I wont give in
The truth will not be disguised

I am not alone
There is so much more
I can be at peace at home

I am loved
There is truth here
I can be enough

Im not a failure
There is more to me
Than this current allure

I will fight these lies
I wont give up
God hears my cries

And he sees me
Even when im weak
He shows me how who im to be

And he gives me strength
To just keep living
When all i want is to give up.

You wont even speak
Why is it me?
Why am i so weak?
What is it you want me to be?

I was never enough
You never liked me
Childhood was rough
I wanted to see

You smile at me just once
I wanted to feel loved
But its over now
Im all grown up
And youve made your point
Im unwanted
You dont care
And thats ok
Its not like im losing anything
You never there
I dont know why
I was the one
That you would always shun
But i was
And now you wont talk
All i wanted was an answer
But i got nothing
Your like a cancer
And im done
Letting you **** me
Im moving on
Ill choose who I'll be
I wont let you control me
Im moving on

The darkness knocked at my door
I opened it, just a crack
I stared and my heart did soar
I can not take it back
That glance i gave to those eyes
The way it stared at me
It made me despise
Everything i had come to see
Without wanting too
I opened wide the door
And it showed me something new
I thought it would give me more
It wisperd inside my ear
That i was all alone
It was all i could hear
It told me i couldn't go home
It handed me the knife
And showed me how to bleed
It made me want to take my life
And commit this awful deed
It took from me so much
And gave me nothing back
My shoulders were always hunched
My heart was always black
I began to lose all hope
I couldn't even see
There was no way to cope
With the darkness eating me
But this wont be the end
Because i wont give up the fight
It just another bend
In the war of wrong vs. right
And i may be in pain
And I may fall down
But i wont go insane
I wont alow myself to drown
Beneath all these emotions
Running through my mind
And all these crazy notions
I will try and bind
Because this is my life
And i will fight back
Even though theres stife
I wont be controlled by my heart even when its all black.

In my life iv had alot of pain
In my life iv been crippled
By not seeing the gain
Iv wanted to die

Iv held that blade to wrist
Iv stood on the edge
Of that bridge
Iv looked down

But i didn't jump

I stood and i thought
About what doing
This thing would wrought
And i just stood

I couldn't do it
Maybe because i was weak
And so i didn't speak
To anyone about this

Because i was ashamed
I was afraid
I still am

But i have to move on
I have to keep going
The sun is slowly showing

Thanks to all the people
In my life
I put away my knife

I have to really live
And so this to you i give
Im ready now
To open up my heart
I know this is just a start
But its a beginning
And i hope to move on
This battle is not won
Ill still fight
The dark still comes at night
But with your help
I can keep going
And i want to thank you
For showing me something new
This strange idea
That i dont have to be alone
To me you have shown
That there is pain
In life you have to strain
To keep going
But slowly you can start growing
I want to make chances
I dont want to regret
And i dont want to have to forget
The things iv done
I want to sit in the sun
And smile
And stay for awhile
In that happy place
But know that its because of God's grace
That iv made it this far
And i couldnt have done it
Without you.

It makes me feel so alive
As i watch it bleed
It makes me feel so alive
Its such a sudden need

The pain is like a rush
If you saw me
You would definitely blush
Because this is not who im supposed to be

But im afraid
Its who i am
The price must be paid
So that i can stand

Stand myself
Without this knife
I would crumble
And i would end my life

So i continue to cut my skin
I dont care if its a sin
Its what must be done
If im to continue to see the sun

Everyone needs something
To cope with pain
This is what i need
For there to be any gain

I love the blood
I love feeling it flood
Down my leg
Im not going to beg

For help
So inwardly i yelp
In pain
And i watch the rain
Of red
That will scare me skin
And i want it to end
But i cant stop
Its out of my control
I have no soul
Im just a robot
Who must bleed
I have to feed
On this bright red sin
So i cut again and again

But there has to be more
Christ has settled my score
I wont give up
I wont stay stuck
I will keep moving
I will let go of this knife
I wont let it rule my life

Sometimes I'm fine
Sometimes i just whine
I feel like a failure

Like everything I do is wrong
My life like an annoying ****
All I do is clash
Everything I touch comes to crash

I always mess up
And then I fess up
To make amends

But still I fail there too
I fail most when dealing with you
No particular you
Just with all people I do

And yet even still
I'll try to follow your will
Because you love me

Even though I'm a failure
You love me still

My biggest fear
Isnt the monster
Beneath my bed
But is the monster
In my head.

Life is such a parodox
Its an oxymoron
Those who talk the least
Have the most to say
Those who feel the most
Cant even show it
Those who have the most to live
Want to die the most
Why is this so?
Why is it when i think
Often so deeply
That i cant explain
No matter how much
I want to do so
Its just all stuck
I think through things so much
But i can't explain my thoughts
They just stay stuck
Or come out stupid
Why cant i just talk?
Some people talk so much
And yet say so little
I have so much to say
Yet i talk so little
Life my dear friends
Is such a parodox

There is this place
With magnificent grace
Its so very peaceful

It abounds with love
And no one can get enough
But thats fine
Because there is plenty of time

There all is great
No one ever has hate
This place is called childhood

But not all are so good
And not just those from the hood
I was raised in a christian home
Yet still i was all alone

I hear others as they talk
And i silently gaulk
At how good they had it

And its like they dont even know
And i almost want to show
Them how bad it can be
To just let them see

But i just sit silently
I want to scream violently
But i never do

So instead i just write
From all these thoughts in my head
I used to wish i was dead
But now i can see
How it all made me
Who im supposed to be
Well im not there yet
But my life its not set
Im growing
And i hope its showing
So tho it was painful
Im in an odd way grateful
Not for who else was hurt
But for the way iv grown since

Today was one of those days
Where nothing goes wrong
But still life has its ways
Where it all feels too long

Nothing really happened
The world didn't end
But still you feel a rend
It's like your hearts a little bent

For no particular reason
Yiu just keep failing
Its not simply a season
And for an instant you think about bailing

But you keep on pushing
And you just have to trust
Its like your on a wing
And suddenly you see rust
And your heart leaps
But deep inside
Your heart still beats
Because you see the wing is wide
And you know you can trust
In the pikot of the plane
And though occasionally
Your faith will wain
The pilots is better than Sully
So you keep your head up
And thank your lucky stars
That your above all these cars
That you can see the world
And so you breathe and look out
And you smile and lose your doubt
Because you put your faith
Not in the plane
But in the one who flies it.

Im consumed by these thoughts
I hate these feelings
That i just cant cross
Out of my mind and dreamings

They consume me
I dont want too
But here i am i can see
How all i can think of is you

Its all you fault
For making me like you
For consuming me every thought
And it ***** cuz ik you cant like me too

So im just stuck here
With these emotions
And i dont want to care
So these thoughts i try to shun

But i cant stop myself
I really have tried
Its not like iv cried
Over you
Its just sad
That you will never like me too

The dark has come again
I don't think I'll ever win
It'san uphill war
Is there any more?

More to this life
Than this endless strife
I can't stay away from this knife

It rules me
It tells me who to be
And i obey
I follow all the way

I bow down
I give it the crown
And so on i drown

I feel so stuck
In this endless muck
I watch as others move on
They have won

But I'm still lost

I feel so different now
Its like a weight is lifted
Its so amazing how
All my views have shifted

Its like i can finally see
I feel renewed within
Here begins a new me
Christ has freed me from sin

Im no longer consumed by shame
Im not burdened by guilt
I look to you and know your name
My soul no longer wilts

Im a new creature
What is this sudden change?
I feel almost pure
Its such a sudden change

My mind was all dark
I was consumed by hate
But then you spoke to me like a beautiful lark
Your words were of love and it was like a grate

You pushed me out of my comfort zone
It was so hard
But now suddenly i actually feel at home
I no longer feel alone

I know you love me
Its like for the first time i see
Its you who i want to be
I want to resemble you more
So in my heart i will store
Your word i want to memorize
Your people i want to know
I want to actually show
How i feel in my heart
I wish i had from the start
But i can see all this time
Your hand working in me
Even when i was close
To taking my life
Even in the darkness and the strife
I can see how you took away the knife
And gave me something so much better
Your water will make my thirsty soul wetter
Your love i want to show
And slowly i hope to grow
I truy do love you Lord

I want write
To express how i feel
But i cant do it right
So on my knees i kneel

When i have no words
When i can't speak
When i can't move forwards
When im too weak

I call out to you
I cry out your name
And often i just cry too
And you wash away my shame

You give me your love
You give me your grace
It dosnt matter wether im enough
You wipe the tears from my face

I open my eyes
I can finally see
How i have believed such lies
And you show me who i am to be

I can see your hands and feet
I can see you working
In the people i meet
I can see how you are the king

Its ok i swear im fine
Im just slowly losing my mind
I don't know what you see
But honestly thats not me

Im not what i appear
Im holding back a tear
Inside im different
There is a certain bent

A bent towards evil
Its like i have no will
So i wear this mask
Cuz i must complete this task

Of an outward appearance
There isnt a chance
That you will look past
Past this mask

And really see what i could be
Not just who is currently me
 
But what if it is i
And not you who stand by
What if its me
What if i showed you what could be

What i let you in
Would it be such a sin
Could i trust you that way
Its possible that you may
Really listen
And i could let you in
But truly im afraid
To ever ask for aid
So i sit alone
Id rather be at home
Than out with you
But maybe your like me too
And maybe if i started first
It would create a thirst
Inside of you
And maybe you would let me in too