Have you ever wondered if this world is the actual
hell we live in and if we are being tested
by how well we deal?
We are living in a place where pain, suffering,
and then ultimately death are of everyday existence
I understand that perception is everything here
and this world is an illusion generated by our perception
I am not trying to be a downer but the more I live
in this world the more I see it as a nightmare
that some days I just want to wake up from

This is not coming from my religious beliefs and I am
not saying that I am not grateful for everything I do have
Compared to a lot of other people in this world I do not
have it so bad and I know this.  This is coming from
a thought process I have been trying to come to terms with

Is there a bright light at the end of this very dark tunnel?
Of course we all have different journey's to take to get us
to that tunnel but while we are here our paths do cross from
time to time and we all have some of the same pains
sufferings and even death to overcome

My point is this...
We are all living in this hell together
Let's get through this hell together
This thought has become a shining
Ray of light in this dark
Find some comfort in this
and
Perhaps there is hope for us all

The words I spend the most time writing, never actually appear before the eyes of anyone besides my own

I have to write them, but they won't be said

They reveal the side of me I hate

The side that is scared

The side that is selfish

The side that wishes it could be free.

I will bring these chains on my back as long as I go

I knew I liked you, I had for some time,

But this beating in my heart, this throbbing in my head, it's just so much more then that

Long ago I had a chance and blew it, that haunts me on a daily, hourly basis, sometimes not my mind won't allow even a minute go by without reminding me of my ***** up.

What if I could rectify my mistake,

Every day I wake up to wish you a good morning because I'm worried that maybe one day you won't respond

All I want is to love and to hold you, I'm a better me then I was, I'm not the same old person I used to be, I've changed for the better and I've come to just see you in such a way that it takes me hours to type a few sentences describing them

Sometimes it makes me want to scream in agony because of the restrictions life has put on me from being able to do as I wish, but these restrictions won't last forever

I just hope I can convince you that I'll be fine. It's just hard for me to get a clear answer when I'm asking what's beyond an impenetrable fog. I don't know what lies in my future, but I'll be ****** if I allow a future without you.

I know that when you tease me that you care and are joking, I love that sense of humor you can invoke, I love that sometimes you aren't sure of yourself because it gives me the chance to remind you that I'll be supporting you no matter what

My own thoughts are distracted with my constant feelings as to why I fell for you, I wonder about yours.

I write to say what I wish I could say without actually saying it

I write because my day was horrible and this helps me feel better

I write because I need to express my feelings in other ways

I write because I'm excited about an event coming up in my life

I write because I'm madly in love and I don't know what to do

I write because I don't know what I'll do without my sanity.