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Pulling back
No close friends
Blamed it on my parents
Their fault in the end

Yet, I’m the one
Shutting down
And shutting out
I don’t come around

I assumed you’d rather
I not be here
I assumed you’d rather
I never come near

So I save us the trouble
In every possible way
Couldn’t be an inconvenience
Not me, not today

Except it’s not just today
It’s every single day
Closer to 30 than 16
Will I ever be okay?

Learning to speak
To let the words come out
I get choked up
And they’re stuck in my mouth

I swallow hard
And force them down
Until I puke them up
With vile in the throne

The only way I know
How to communicate
Is with rhythm and rhyme
I cant just speak up
And there I go again losing the poem to….
*insert shrug emoji*
I was not trained for this—
no welcome packet, no handbook for gravity.
Just a name that clings like static
and a voice that trembles when spoken too clearly.

They asked me if I had room.
I said I had weather.
They asked me if I would disappear.
I said watch me smolder, and stay.

I have loved like a lighthouse
with no shoreline in sight,
signaling to anyone
who mistook reflection for return.

I’ve held their names
like breath under water,
carved pathways through others
just to find my own again.

But I do not sculpt.
I do not steal 'the good stuff'.
I inherit fire
and ask it if it remembers me.

If you see yourself in me,
look again—
I am not a mirror,
I am the window you opened
and forgot to close when the wind picked up.

Still, I arrive,
boots echoing in the hallway
of someone else’s myth,
offering only this:

I will not rewrite you.
I will not finish your sentences.
But I will stand here—
untranslated,
unsaved,
untouched by the need to be anything
other than true.
A draft I shared and forgot about that was requested to be posted publicly!

Wow-wee!
“Dad’s home!” I hear my sibling yell
We all rush to the door
Excited and ready to tell
Him all about our day

We greet him with a smile
And hugs all around
He was looking toward the kitchen tile
The next day our mom

Pulled the kids aside
She said we couldn’t yell
Or be too excited when dad comes inside
We were all confused

But we gave dad his space
We greeted him
Trying to show him grace
And as the days grew longer

The space between us also grew
It’s been 10 years dad
Without a single hug from you
I know you have step kids now

I wonder if you hug them
After a long day
Or if you still run away
Just like you used to do
In honor of Father’s Day
I started writing again
I sit in the sunshine
I traded in the drink for a pen
The pen is actually my smartphone

But alas that doesn’t rhyme or flow
My poetry is broken
As am I
I feel as if awoken

From a long deep slumber
One I tossed an sweated through
One much needed
Now the morning light is peeking through

Except there again my poem is lacking
I don’t even care
As I hear my bones cracking
I rise from my bed with a stretch

Shaking out the nightmares
I now forget
Crying and smiling at the same time

I know I will always remember
Those nightmares past
I know I will never forget

And yet here I am, whole
And yet lost
Staring at the morning sun
Wondering what it is
That has begun
Breathing
Putrid air
In my lungs

Longing
For the putrid air
Never goes away

What I would give
To hold that little stick
And not feel like I let myself down
The church today

according to themselves

Are the Hands and the Feet of Jesus

those hands are torn and broken

The church today is meant to help those in need

as long as they sit and listen to us reprimand them

They reach out with loving kindness

as long as you have stopped taking drugs and drinking

And give prepared meals and a warm place to sleep

as long as the government keeps giving them tax cuts

They see the need and they strive to fill it as Jesus would

as long as they keep showing up on Sunday and giving tithe

When others fall away from Jesus, the church is still standing, worshipping God

as the children in the streets go hungry

The church takes a stand against sin, against abortion

and the children who’s parents get taken from this world are sent to foster care, they are the governments problem, not the churches

The church today takes a stand against homosexuality, keeping it out of children’s books and schools and tv shows

and the loving parents are kept from adopting, kept from helping those parentless children the church said weren’t their problem

The church in America today cares more about the money they have then what Jesus said

the church today is a capitalist tool for corruption

If pastors would stop taking a salary and get real jobs

what kind of difference would that make

If pastors would stop taking a salary and give that money away

what kind of change could we see today?

Could we build houses for the homeless?

could we help families eager to adopt, but unable to gather the funds?

Could we be there during natural disasters to help lend a hand?

Think of the change just a few pastors salary could make in the day to day lives

but I bet you won’t see any pastors who would do that

That is the church today
Haven’t written in awhile so forgive me lol
I’m crying watching tiktok
Wishing we could talk

Wondering if you remember
How we were supposed to make pretzels
That long past December
You told me to buy the yeast
And I waited
                         and waited
                                                and waited









For you to call
And therein lies the fall
I fell for your lies
Holding my breath again
Now I’ve burned those ties
At least I don’t have to pretend
I still miss her
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