I hope you listen to Blue October and think of how you ******* me over
I hope it sparks in you the
Same confusion it does in me
The same confusion I felt
   When you said hello like
Nothing ever even happened
Like you never promised me the world
And I never dreamed of taking it
I hope you wonder too
What the hell happened
Because I sure do

I can see
how men fall irrevocably in love
with women
with so much soul in their bones
that it must ripple, and fill out living flesh
women who possess thoughts
that could bring down the sky
women with platinum eyes and satin skin;
willowing waifs and dewy dreams.

But how they fall even a stones throw
for women with
sallowed cheeks and deserted eyes
who paint themselves out of freckles and blush
women with
minds that contemplate only as much as the mirror reflects
and mouths that open to unwittingly break a misleading silence
women with
not an ounce of longing or lust
or love
in their veins, just a crimson thud
without a beat.

They ask me what I see,
What I see when I'm dreaming,
What I see when I'm listening,
What I see when I'm writing,
But I don't see; I understand,

I understand how minds work,
I understand how hearts work,
I understand how my world works,
But I don't understand them.

Why can't people accept it?
Why do they need to know why?
Why do they want to know?
But they don't want to know why; they want to know what.

If I see their futures,
If I see the dead,
If I see words before me,
But I don't see; I understand.

So when they ask, what do I see in you?
I don't reply. I smile,
Because when I dream,
And I listen,
And I write,
You know what I see?
What I've always seen:
You.

I cannot feel,
What I do not understand,
what I cannot define.

But what is a word?
Love, by definition:
“Intense affection”

How do you measure
this “intensity?”
I feel affection for my cat…

What is in a word?
Does it perhaps,
take away from
the real emotion of the thing?

Is it our inadequate,
feeble, futile
hopelessly human
attempt to explain the inexplicable?

I can toss this word about
throwing it carelessly
at each insignificant being,
“Oh, cat I love you so!”

But who’s to say?

I do not pretend
to understand this
impossible “love”

This utterly obnoxious
four letter, two syllable
combination of alphabet.

Perhaps,
when it was first engendered,
it had real meaning,
true value, and worth.



However, if that was the case
it is no longer so,
for “love” is spat from every mouth
at any time, for no apparent rhyme or reason.

This pure ****** word,
has been ***** countless times
by our society, our culture.

Maybe, at one time
it was a beautiful thing,
understood, yet rarely spoken.

Which is why I don’t feign to explain,
for you cannot define,
that which has lost all meaning.

And so love has,
it’s become a senseless, dead,
worthless word deprived of substance.

It is true however,
that the owner
places value on a word
when it is spoken to another,
but vocal words
proclaim untruths,
and the mouth
is the greatest deceiver.

One can never be truly
sure of the honest essence
of that one simple sentence.

Which is why,
I do not speak “love”
with my lips or tongue,
I whisper it silently
with my eyes,
for those have not yet learned
how to lie.

You were like that day in March
the one that teases of Spring
of the hope for sunshine
of warmth.
We walked the windy streets
side by side
Fall wind chasing away daylight
into frigid evenings.
But in those evenings
standing on cracked concrete
I felt your warmth
like an Indian Summer.

How fantastic it is
to meet someone
who can match his intellect
with your’s.

How utterly exciting it is
in that second
where a strand of recognition
is formed.

It is not love
It is not lust
It is, plain and simple,
far more intoxicating than that.

Sometimes I wonder
why the bird ***** its wings
fighting a never ending battle against gravity
holding onto the ledge.

Sometimes I question
the decisions of fools
a mistake made without rhyme or reason
a required tool to stand strong.

Sometimes I listen
to the ****** and the cruel
beaten and battered to death by hatred
a submissive fool rising from the ashes.

Sometimes I lose control
when the axe is closing in on my neck
babbling for attention from the worst people
forgotten, left for dead on the battle field.

Sometimes I forget
everything vital in my mind
moaning and groaning of long dead issues
valuing all but myself.

Sometimes I don't understand
why the innocent must die
his past mistakes becoming his life
everyone is innocent inside.

Sometimes I wonder
why the bird ***** it's wings
winning the never ending battle against gravity
becoming everyone's ledge.

I didn't feel the flutter of your feet,
I didn't hear your cry,
But I felt you,
Our hearts shared the same chords,
You are the only one who's ever touched my soul,
I don't know how this happened,
It breaks my heart to know I'll never see your sweet face,
Or hear you sweet little laugh,
I can only imagine your beauty,
Or the way you'd play with your daddy,
I don't know why things happened like this,
My heart will never beat in the right tune,
Because I never got to have you.