Where have I gone?
The person I was and swore I’d always be
Somehow, while discussing cheap beer soaked high school memories
I’ve lost myself
Lost my direction
Let others define who I am
Or at least who I should be
I was always so sure of myself
And uncompromising on the matter
How did I let this happen?
And you
I thought I knew you
But I can’t tell if you’re lost or found
If the person that I respected
Was ever really you
Or if I was fooled into thinking
You
Were something else I needed

Lost, within the vast expanse of time and space,
in the never ending story that is life.
Lost, with no sense of direction, and no star to guide,
haunted by fear, and blinded by pride.
Lost, in the darkness forever searching
for a time that will never come.
Lost, in false friendships, don't know who to trust,
open your secrets, then left in the dust.
Lost, with many decisions still left unmade,
things long forgotten that lead you astray.
Lost, in your thoughts unable to bare,
adrift in confusion found unaware.
Lost, amid the sea of lies and clouds of deceit,
endlessly drifting into the unknown.
Lost, in the carefree world of the past,
not sure of your future, unclear of your path.
Lost, yet your flame still burns,
just wait, the tables will turn.

Put on your costume,
And throw on your mask.
You've got to fit in.
It's your life's only task.

Don't ever be yourself.
That's far too lame.
You're simply too strange.
Let's all be the same.

Cut slits in your arms,
And starve yourself thin.
No matter the cost,
You have to fit in.

No one cares about you.
Who cares about joy?
Just make sure you're pretty,
To get the right boy.

Listen to their taunts,
And correct your mistakes.
Pretend you are smiling,
Ignore the "small" aches.

And when you are done,
Just go find a rope.
For we live in a world,
Where no one can cope.

If I had to describe myself,
I would say...

I'm not just the 50+ scars
from blood-stained razors
on my left arm;

I'm not just the countless tears
I cried when I pleaded
with your deity;

I am ";"

";" is never-ending.

I am ;
because my story doesn't end here.

I am ;
because I am forever evolving.

...so until
"."
arrives,
I am ;

You decided to end it all tonight
You walk and walk until you're in the middle of the bridge
You take a last peek at the sky
Hoping the stars aren't covered by clouds
You want to die but there's still a little bit of hope deep down
You look around you
There's no cars but wait...
At the end of the bridge, there's ironically a stop sign
Is it a sign or is it just life ******* with you again?

I know that you are
Just teasing,
And I will smile
And laugh,
And pretend it doesn't hurt

But honestly,
It feels as though
You just stabbed my heart
With an ice cold
Dagger

So even though you are
Just teasing
And I will smile and laugh,
I want you to know that
Maintaining that smile
Gets harder each day.

So if you continue to tease,
I give you fair warning,
Soon there may be
Nobody to tease.

Some days
Getting out of bed is the hardest challenge
The demons living underneath my bed
are now crawling beneath my sheets.
There's no use in trying
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it

Some days
I can't stay in my own bed
I can't even stay in my own home
The touch and company of a stranger
can fill this emptiness even for a moment
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it

Some days
Those bottle of pills looks promising
It's crazy that the same hand used to create
can also hold the thing that kills you
And I don't just mean the pills; I mean his hand
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it

They say a picture is worth a thousand words
The number of pictures in my head is absurd
Each is a memory I'd like to take back
The number of regrets are beginning to stack
A thousand pictures that hold nothing great
A million words that are filled with hate
A million things I wish were different
A million things I wish I hadn't

A picture is worth a thousand words

A thousand pictures, one million words
How to stop the bad pictures from coming?
Make the right decisions to keep your world from crumbling
Take it from me, a girl with mistakes
Each memory causes a chain of heartaches

A picture is worth a thousand words

A thousand pictures, one million words
The number of pictures in my head is absurd
So be careful with all the decisions you make
Or in the end it may be your life you take
Take it from me, the girl who is dead
Just another mistake I made at the end

There was a time

When I couldn't climb a tree
Without thinking
Of how easy it would be to
"Slip"

When I couldn't cut potatoes
Without thinking
Of how easy it would be
To slit my wrists

When I couldn't take a swim
Without thinking
Of how easy it would be
To stop swimming

There was a time
When I couldn't live
Without thinking
Of how easy it would be
*To give up