my heart nearly stopped every time i had to cross the street
so let’s thank the queen for writing it down
before she’s just another thing i have to step over
all the rest have tickled my feet so far
and everything under construction reminds me that these days
the only remedy seems to be better luck and more cloud cover

i’ve been racing to crash on the couch
just to wake up to see if i have time for it all
and i want the stereotype to be true so i have nothing to cry about  
with the way things are going
you’d tell me not to be so brutal to myself
but the thrill i used to know is now paying its dues to the concrete

i was almost convinced i wasn’t asleep
when she whispered paris
nothing, everything may have changed
so this is not like anything i’ve never meant:

my heart nearly stopped with the regret of not talking to you
it's hard killing birds when you don't have any stones and
besides this time i think i've really done it
two days and this is already my favorite story but
second chances don't have to be so mysterious
maybe i just wanted to see you smile again

i should have said it w/o one of and the s after the L
still choosing o over x
and your pull showed my hands a home in the back of your denim
two across the channel makes the significant not so, if you want it
i’ll keep looking for you so long as you
don’t stop drawing me maps

if i died in my indecision then
your mouth showed me heaven
you’re the closest thing to purpose
i’ve ever tasted

i wish you knew how much i mean that

I have a drive
But no start

I have words
But no pen

I have a fuel
But no heat

I have a desire
But I have excuses

I have the ability
But no effort

I have what I need
Except for me.

i am the moon's soft daughter
and she can't tell me lies
although she is everchanging
all the time, in the skies

i'll follow her 'til forever
until my heart explodes
but they tell me she is leaving
mother, please don't go

If I could
pinpoint the
exact moment
your breath
touched mine
washed me over
in ocean waves
sea creatures glowing
in delightful recognition
as the seedlings
of connection
shimmied into our being
and, dancing within me
in its own lifeforce
your mind a living,
breathing animal
your heart, purring
and whirring its sacred forces
into my molecular structures
your soul throbbing
in mitochondric pulsing
(oh what
a delicious vibration
of ribosomes)
Between us, we hold
the true treasures
close, in frothy
                       tenderness
a purity of the expanse
of our universe,
swathed in prismatic color
colors that shift,
these fresh hues
for which there are no name
they are lucid and fine-woven
as silk histories
yet deep as earthcore
your eyes, voice
are forever burned
into my own
every day scriptures
that rock my shattered parts
into wholeness
and,
like ancient magic,
I conjure forth
the holy gospel
rising from our bones
every second of
every minute
as our deepest fires
our most secret filth
our murky corners
our darkest hours
we weave into light
brilliant and lustrous
multi-layered in the richest
folds of the earth
and as you place me
upon the shores
of your garland-graced
                              throne
Now I'm alive in a new
kind of light
and
all I can do
is love
        and love
and love

i saw you today,
you weren't how i remembered
you saw me, and your face didn't light up
like it used to
your eyes don't sparkle anymore
as they used to
you're not the same boy i met in august.

you were full of life,
but now you're so cold.
your personality that i knew and loved
vanished.

you fell out of my life, something like leaves in the fall.
now, you're not here at all.

you saw me today,
i was exactly how you remember.
i'm the same girl that you met in august.

a decade ago,
i would eagerly wait for you to come home
so that i could aggravate you,
the sound of the front door unlocking
would bring me running to the door,
hugging you and your sister.
a decade ago,
you fought with your sister about who would
sit next to me in the car.
half a decade ago,
i visited you,
you asked me, “are you seven now?”
i replied, “i can see why you got held back.”
i was nine, and too sassy for my own good.
three years ago,
you were there for me when i had no one else.
you calmed me down,
when everything was falling apart.
you sat in the basement with me,
and you told me everything would be fine.
three years ago,
i sat with you and we played video games.
you told me stories, and we talked about
politics, of all things, you talked about politics with a newly-turned twelve year old.
last year,
you accidentally took your own life.
i miss you, is all i have to say.

If I could turn back time
I would hit Backspace all day,
Id put on Caps Lock
and SHOUT what I say.

I'd use the whole Alphabet
To tell you hello,
Press seven Numbers
Til you picked up the phone.

I'd Tab through the comments
I didn't want to hear,
And use the Arrow Keys
To drag your body near.

I would Delete the harsh words
I didn't mean to speak,
And Insert the "I love yous"
I before couldn't leak.

I would use Ctrl to
Keep reigns over my heart,
And I would Escape lies
That tore us apart.

I'd Print out your photo
And kiss it goodnight,
Use the Calculator
To check that we were right.

I'd Paint you a picture
of us, you and me,
Then I'd hit Enter
Just so you would see.

Those are the things
I would do in my strife,
If only Backspace
worked in real life.