July 20,2017

and here i am
   thousands of miles away
far from home
and i still cant relax

and here i am
   thousands of miles in the air
and my chest still feels as heavy as before.

Did the girth of my thighs and the way they
Run this earth shaking, quaking, leaving
Fireprints on their paths behind,
Scare your flammable, charred-bark colored eyes
Did my five feet and ten inches fingers toes
Two filled lungs feeding heart and brain
Tower over your equal height and
Half sized mind, was the thought of a
Home between my legs really too much to
Believe is that why you felt the need to
Break and enter when the door was locked
Windows bolted and shut, the word
“No”
Out of my mouth and out of my gut
Do you kiss your mother with the same mouth
That burned holes in my back
Do you shake your father’s hand with the same hand
That tried to rip me in half

I am still here still tall and still strong
Still flying beyond the foulness of
Your being still seeing beauty
Gracing this earth and this skin
I am in, ivory and speckled and
Tenderly taught, thick to the core
I am so much more
I am
Too woman for you

I woke up like this.
Face caked in sadness,
eyes swollen of pity and anger.

I woke up like this.
Heart slowly starting up,
veins warming up.

I woke up like this.
Arms bent out of shape,
legs spread out for -

I woke up like this.
Head spinning,
body sinning.

Did I sin?
Or did you?

its a jungle up here,
full of "what-ifs" and expectations,
you'll always get lost in there,
i should know.
all roads lead to nowhere
and all happy thoughts
are turned to sad ones.
always thinking with
my heart,
which leads to pain.
it's a mad world,
my brain.

-
hey, c

-
huh?

-
you know what people and sunsets have in common?

-
no?

-
they are the best right before they leave
and then they do
just like that
and never ever come back...

its an epidemic
of sickeningly perfect
parallel
red lines

its an epidemic
of sweatshirts
pulled far over hands
and pants
too long for the weather

its an epidemic
of numbers too high
almost as high
as ponytails of girls
on their knees in bathrooms

its an epidemic
of fake smiles
of two coats of foundation
over a red splotchy face;
finish it off with waterproof mascara
to hide the stains

its an epidemic
i know you know of it too