do you have moments, where you can’t imagine a future?
you’re lying there, staring at the
same walls
same ceilings
same words
with nothing but the same feelings-
empty and pale,
like there’s no reason to go on,
when you can’t even do enough to fail.
the future is coming, but you don’t want to be in it,
can’t imagine yourself in it.
where you just want to stop.
everything.
and just sit there for a while.
maybe not death, as that’s too permanent,
but something close to it.
when you can feel the rope around your neck,
the razor on your wrist,
the way the pills taste.
you can imagine it, and you aren’t sure if it’s what you want,
or just the feelings you imagine it will give you

lightning may never strike twice in the same place
but i hope you do

right where you make me feel alive

with every stride
of chalk i make to the board
your hand is following me
you smile and i do in return
right behind me
undoing all i’ve done
i build and
you demolish
i strengthen  and
you weaken
i’m the yarn sweater i made
trying to tuck the
loose strand
while you tug and pull at it without
haste
leaving it to ribbons
of disparity

where should I hide
my love.

while I'm dying for
you to notice me,

you said that it
better to be kept
inside

rather ruin the beauty
of what it is now.

maybe it's not time right now,
but that's just for now.

i know the day will come,
i know this is right.

but for now honey,
i'll wait and i'll grow with you.

i'll get to know your heart,
while the distance pulls us apart.

for now,
it's just for now.

someday i'll be with you,
but that's not now.
and that's okay.
because that's just for now.