There's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.
The tears just don't like my eyes. And my mind
is tired of developing blurry pictures -
its such a ******* waste of energy.

My shadow sits against the wall wondering when
I'll hand her off to a decent conversationalist,
even though walls will never talk and floor boards
just complain. I know it's all fun and games to you,
to them, to everyone else, but my mind just can't
pick up on that - just can't grasp why something
so cruel could ever be so funny. There's a person
stuck in the mirror staring back at me,
they say it gets better, but they've got the devil's
famous grin buried beneath countless layers of
make up and lies.

That stupid voice in my head, the one deeper than my own,
the one everyone knows to ignore - everyone that is but me,
reminds me just how tiny i am in this great big world. It's like
my mind doesn't know when to stop, the pain brings more pleasure
than the strangers calling me pretty as they offer to
buy me some fruity drink down the block (I love the look
on their faces when I end downing **** stronger than their own.)
there's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.

I just woke up today and realized that i'm not who I thought I was.

That I'm not who you think I am.

I am just another
impostor
in your bed.

Right now I am writing this in ink
that has been my blood for years now.
These words will be exactly the same for
everyone who reads them but each person
who finds them will read something
entirely different.

This being said you are always alone
in your loneliness but you are never alone because everyone else feels the way you feel
now sometimes. Right now I am writing this
for the first time and for the millionth
at the same time as well,

you are reading it for the first and last time
(but don't worry, you'll read it again
someday). And Right now you feel one way
and I feel a different way (even though
I feel the same exact way you feel).

This ink is my blood and these words
are yours even though they are
only ever mine. This is why I love you
as much as I do.

I love the way we took turns
inspiring each other by being
exactly who we were and
saying only what we truly meant.

if you come through town again
anytime soon I'd like to take you
for one more cup of coffee
in that little cafe by the park,
we can sit anywhere you like.

I love the way things were for us
when you were still here. And as much
as I miss the perfection we were,
I am completely honest when I say
that I don't miss you at all

(even though I still love you

with all my heart.)

I have the mark of the angels

layered delicately atop a sinner's skin.
There is a seraphium's heart beating
deep beneath my scarred chest and
Lucifer's fading light pushes out
this breath. I know you don't quite
understand how this can be
but you see on the day Heaven dropped
it's brightest star neither party bled
until long after their children were born.

I have the mark of the angels

layered delicately atop a sinner's ashen skin.
There is a seraphium's heart beating
deep beneath my scarred chest and
Lucifer's fading light is all I have left
pushing out my few remaining breaths.

Don't worry I am not alone
(you are never alone)
there are a million others

just like us.

Dear you,

the following is for your eyes and your eyes only.

I love you so much. I love you so much.
please don't ever forget that.

i think i understand what it means to be
a single drop of rain falling falling falling to the ground
in the middle of a crowd of thousands upon thousands
of others just like me even though they aren't like me at all.
i think i figured out why angels cry for so long so often
and why their tears are known to us as rain. They do that
when another of their own has fallen in the most beautiful
of ways. i know why so many molecules of carbon
throw themselves from the windows on the twenty first floors
of buildings while the rest of the company is away for lunch
in some overpriced cafe down the street. It's because
they were seconds away from being the first spec of
a diamond when someone went and released all
the pressure too soon. And they know that a life where you
don't shine just isn't a life worth living at all.

love i figured out what it's like to be
a single drop of rain falling to the most poetic doom
known to man, so alone, so free, alone and perfect
in it's imperfect pain. Today i finally learned why people hurt
the way they do for so long and as horrible as it is
there's so much indescribable beauty to it. i'd ask you
to join me as i fall, i'd lie and tell you it feels like flying
even though it's nothing like it at all because you're going too fast
to stop and taste the sky and you don't have any wings
to soak up the sun, but you have too much potential for me
to drag down. so instead i'll just kiss you once, i
look in your eyes and tell you that your lips taste like
the sweetest roses ever and the thorns cut too deep
for me to do it again. then i'll etch that smile with
a touch too much of highlighting that you know is fake
but it takes you a moment too long to realize it and
whisper good night, only i won't be coming back...

the rain is calling. the raven refused to sing.
the shadows allowed the ghost of my every heartbreak past
to move in. the walls chose words that you never said
with any voice but your eyes, and i just can't stay here
and live like that.

the rain

is calling

me home.

sincerely,

a broken diamond in the rough (strike through)
another fallen angel (striked through)
your wilting rose

Hey, I know you ignore these, maybe that's why I write them,
it's a good way to vent 'cause there's always a you
that writers write to and a you that singers sing to
and what better source of inspiration and pain and hatred
in all it's beautifully, sweet complexities than someone with

every piece of your heart and soul? I'm sure you don't remember,
but it's still nice to wonder if you do from time to time,
I think it makes me feel better pretending that maybe I am more than
just another face without a name that you see in line at the grocery store
and recognize without actually remembering. So I am going to ask again,

do you remember when...

There's always a you that writers write to and a you
that singers always sing to, it just so happens that for me
you are that person for me. I know you don't read these,
but it gives me peace of mind knowing at least I wrote it for you.

Is it wrong of me to say that I miss you?

Remember that time when...?

And I'll keep singing that song I wrote for you
even though, you're miles and miles away
but it's a twisted dream in this kinda world
where nothin' ever goes your way.

You will not wait for me and I understand that,
really I do, it's just that caged memories
and ghosts 13 cents short of a bus ride home
are more painful to hold than you'd think.

See, a wannabe husband's promise
is almost never enough and he always finds a way
to replace his perfect girl right before the day
she says yes and the fairy tale begins.

So I'll keep singing this song that I wrote for you,
even though, you're miles and miles away,
and it's been almost a year
since I was replaced by her.

I want to say that you are in
grave danger
but you'd just think I am
being silly
again.

Because you don't seem to
understand
that I dedicate my touch
to you
everyday that I wake
again.

Don't hide out inside yourself;
I've done that
way too many times
it kills you
faster than you think
in all the wrong ways.

I want to call you and say you
should start
running angel, because Darling,
I love you.

And I'm really not sure if I
remember
how to deal with that
anymore.

Pretty girl, Pretty girl,
you are not yet dead
look my way for a moment
please, pick up your head.

There's something called a smile
you see them every day
don'y you know that your's
is beautiful enough to stay?

Pretty girl, Pretty girl,
you are not yet alright,
just hang in there, someone is
coming to get you through the night.

I know how much this hurts
and you are feeling sorta lost
look my way for a moment
I love you forever - free of cost.

When you were once somebody's everything
and then you become a ghost
lingering, haunting their every move
then you make the space between their heart
and their mind even greater than it already was.

But of course this is just another rant
with all the things I will never say
to your face the way I always wanted to,
so this is my declaration of moving on:

As much as I love you, I do not miss you at all;
our dreams have become water from the moon,
and from this moment on my every thought
of you shall turn to smoke and mist
only to later d .r .i .f .t away

almost

completely.

Shame, shame you never listened
all that well, she said it every single day,

Wordless reminders and action filled phrases
she misses you as much as you miss her
if not infinitely more - I promise.

Shame, shame you don't listen
a little more, every night
she still screams your name

"It is time

to forget me."

No. Please.

Please no.

I would,

but you see,

that is almost

impossible

to do when

you are

in love.

The world shattered and the sky fell
as I was walking away, begging you
to follow me. To give some sort of
meaning to a lost girl I become.
But you didn't. I got out of sight
and far beyond ear shot, waiting for
the moment you would realize how much
we needed each other. You never came

I waited through the world's first
and second ends. I stood tall in the face
of Fear and after the silence I broke down
and watched myself lose pieces with
every step I took. The world shattered
and the sky fell as I learned that even I
don't want to be my friend which is why
I'm here, in the shadows, standing in line,
waiting to audition for loneliness.

"You always were my little dreamer,
my beautiful cloud dancer,
pirouetting from heart to heart rarely
if ever revisiting the ones you leave behind,"
you smiled as you pulled me just a
little closer and put your hand
over my heart.

"You found the key to my heart early on
and I wanted nothing more than to
welcome you to my life. Only you were too
innocent, too broken to be asked that then.

There was a darkened stranger in your soul
killing you a little more with each day.
And you gave me the key to your heart
in turn. ***, I couldn't stick around,
tempting you with honest promises
too far out of reach for such a sweet girl.

So I ran to my hiding place
until you were able to smile again. I had
no idea that it would hurt you so much,
I only ever wanted the best for you.
Oh, ***, thank you for forgiving my
for being so unable to see that you were
only ever truly happy right here
next to me."

Names are written in the stars
when Earth's out of storage for people
running around her beautiful offerings
but she's so caprice that she can't decide
which ones to remove from the
horizon. I just hope our names don't
show up cause those are the ones she moves
to the top of Death's list.

Sit with me, find the old constellations,
the ones with stories and history,
myth and little to no truth. Sit with me,
like nothing at all is wrong, even if
only for tonight.

This morning someone wanted to take my picture
for the school news paper and my friends
couldn't understand why I let them.
So I smiled,

"Well whenever people tell me to smile for the camera
I just think of you. (Yes you, the person reading this
right now.)

And people love to ask why other people always
expect you to smile in photographs. And I tell them
it is because we hope that in the future this is
something to smile about.

So I don't understand why you won't smile for me.
Its so much more wonderful and worthwhile when you do."

Oh and by the way, I love your smile
so much.

:)

"I know you want the best for me,
you always have and even if we fall
through something tells me you
still will. That's why I didn't want
you to know about today. . .

I wasn't trying to hurt anyone
and I did everything everyone
asked of me, so them yelling,
chewing me out, telling me to
do more, work harder, get up earlier,

ate away at me more than I could
take and I saw the cigarettes on
the back porch and felt the lighter
in my pocket next to the knife
sober of my blood for months.

The withdraws wouldn't hurt so much
if people wouldn't stare at me and
point out everything I already hate
about myself. I know you love me,

you always want the best for me
and somehow I think that will still
be the case, even if we fall through.
That's why I'm begging you to leave -

so you don't see the lipstick stains
from bittersweet butterfly kisses
or smell the smoke carrying even more
of me too far away to get back."

She wrote on a ripped up piece of
crumpled paper and placed inside
my locker outside of the art room.

"There is hope, light, and beauty
buried deep inside and I am
completely determined to show
that to you, Lovely girl. You can't
throw me far enough that I won't
be back. My soul is part of the
crashing waves that mesmerize you
ever so. Don't give up yet."

was all I could say in response.

You can't leave me either,
you may be the earthquake
off the coast, but I'm the volcano
on the fault lines.

Dream Keeper, Dream Keeper,
are there any dreams stashed away
in my file or have they all just been
nightmares and haunted shadows
waiting to feast on me?

I've given up on learning how to
keep breathing under water and
when memories crush the soul
what kind of dreams could
possibly follow? Dream keeper,
Dream Keeper, please just don't
let go of my mind yet.

Give me one more night
to try and dream with a
velvet heart and no choices
or regret, hold on a little longer,
just for me.

You said, "see you later,"
I smiled, "Not yet, one sec..."
and stood on my tip toes
putting my lips to yours
praying you wouldn't mind
as I fell back to earth
and you walked away again
without saying a word.

I took my test, I did better
than I was expecting for
shaking so much and
thinking with a cloudy mind
as my heart kept time
to a different tune than usual.

You always said I would be
your first, but as perfect
as it was, I feel like I have
failed you once more and
if I were you, I don't think
I could forgive me for
something quite like that.

"I have something to say.
It's the most important thing
you will hear all day! You need to
hear this. You'll want to listen,"
the world will scream at you.

But this, this is the only time
it will ever be completely true,
(but I guess that's what
everyone says, every time.)

You are magnificent.

It is time
to forget
me

Bloodstained silences,
emerald stories,
chocolate eyes

"I wish you found me important,"
Lighting whispered to Rain.

- - - - - - - - -The Next night:- - - - - - - - - -

"You have never been
anything less than beautiful to me,"
Rain cried to Lighting
as she flickered away again.

I know I looked at you with horrible alien eyes
and that that was enough to hurt you
more than you hurt me by saying
those words. Yes, I was fighting tears
and I swear I thought you weren't able to
see them pushing makeup from my eyes
but I guess everyone gets things wrong
sometimes.

Honestly, I could have sworn that you could hear
my heart breaking from the moon and maybe even
Mars or Jupiter, but I suppose that it's such
a common sound no one would ever notice.

I know I looked at you with alien eyes
so realistic you were able to feel a piece
of yourself dying because you'd finally
proved me wrong.

I'm so sorry I ever
looked your way
in the first place.

Yesterday I found that picture of you I always loved so much
even though you swore you've looked better elsewhere.

Today I found something you wrote for me a long time ago.
You left it behind forgotten and alone when you decided to
move out and get on with your life.

And tomorrow I think ill look for your brother's address
and write to him asking how you are. I will apologize
for never meeting him properly and for making him
just another middle man. I will sincerely hope that all is well
in both your worlds.

And maybe if he writes back I will get your real number
and give you a call.

You've been gone too far away for way too long
and I am beginning to miss everything.

Even the parts of you that I used to hate

You say you do it so no one else falls in
with enough force to **** you upon arrival,
but you've gone and messed up this time.
While you were busy hiding from everyone else
you left cracks big enough for my tiny self to
get in. And you say you don't mind that people
do not miss you, but darling, you don't say a word
to me for a while and my heart starts to ache
a little bit more with every passing moment.
You drink and you drink because the taste is
just like anything else you've ever consumed.

There once was a time when it made you feel whole
because it took the pain away for a moment or two
and that led to an addiction of sorts, which just made
you someone you never thought you'd be. You say
you do it all just to keep people out, but Darling,
you made a mistake this time.

As she packed her last bag and slung it over her shoulder
he whispered, " Won't you miss the zombie babies,
the sour apple kisses, the late night walks
through this ghost town you chose as home,
the pet ninja we named Sam, Hank and Mollie the dragons.
Darling, what about the robots and giants and leprechauns
we used to party with when we were young?
Can you really just leave all that behind
so effortlessly?"

There were tears in his eyes and she had never seen
him cry before, she pulled him close, " Thank you,
I had forgotten when I promised to remember not to forget
just as you couldn't forget to remember me. Thank you,
really, thank you but I have to go."

But how could she leave after being reminded of
something so important to the people she loves
the very most

Heartbeat,
Beat, Beat, Beating
as you must
to keep us going.

Heartbeat,
Beat, Beat, Beating
me a lullaby
when Sleep is late.

A sign of love,
of wholeness
and protection,
pure beauty.

Heartbeat,
Beat, Beat, Beating
keeping time
with our breathing.

Heartbeat,
Beat, Beat, Beating
thank you, Love,
it's complete perfection.

I hate how you sit out on the dock in the late afternoon sun
with your canvass and paints. Stretching me and pulling me
for nothing but the pleasure of your latest muse. I hate
that you get to talk to the strangers fishing down the way
and the only people I have are the wooden planks you push me into.
And believe me they are horrible conversationalists.

You run after butterflies to match your paint to their wings
and softhearted blades of grass try to dry my tears. Darling,
I love you, I hate you, I love you but i don't love you anymore.
You get to live your life and manipulate me however you wish.

Only next time we play this little game of ours
you'll be my shadow
and I'll be your
master